do you think you would win a fight against a ape?

GreatestBuick

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Joined
Jan 18, 2003
Well I've always wanted to go up to an ape and focking smack it!

I dont know why, but do you think you could beat up an ape?
 
I'd be willing to bet that any ape taller than your knee could probably beat the crap out of you.

At the lower limit of this range, you MIGHT just prevail in the end, but you'd look like you'd been through hell.

Any chimp, gorilla, orangutan, or baboon, could kill you without too much in the way of effort (I wonder why more chimps don't kill people, since we so like to dress them up and make them do tricks?). You might be able to take a luangor or macaque, but you'd be injured, and probably require stitches.
 
Originally posted by GreatestBuick
Well I've always wanted to go up to an ape and focking smack it!

I dont know why, but do you think you could beat up an ape?
Why would you want to smack a ape, were you dropped on your head when you were little. :confused: :eek: I am sure if you pissed it off, not only would it bite you and very hard, it would rip you a new ass. Then when you are done getting your ass torn up you would have every animal rights group suing your ass. After all is said and done, between the ape and the legal end, you would have no ass left. Good luck:eek:
 
My boss is an ape, and I beat him up every day.

Being smarter than your boss is one of life's great pleasures.

BTW, anyone who abuses animals deserves the worst...

:(
 
apes

I remember hearing that a chimpanzee (or was it orangutan?) supposedly has several times the strength of a man. ya gotta remember these are the guys that swing around in trees alot with one hand easily.
 
Originally posted by GreatestBuick
Well I've always wanted to go up to an ape and focking smack it!

I dont know why, but do you think you could beat up an ape?

ANY ape, and I mean ANY would litteraly rip a human to shreads if they so desired.

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_001b.html

"a female chimp, weighing a mere 135 pounds and going by the name of Suzette, checked in with a one-handed pull of 1,260 pounds."

A 165-pound man, by comparison, could manage a one-handed pull of about 210 pounds

"In dead lifts, chimps have been known to manage weights of 600 pounds without even breaking into a sweat. A male gorilla could probably heft an 1,800-pound weight and not think twice about it."


An average gorilla weighs somewhere between 350-400lbs


without exaggeration a full grown male gorilla could rip your arm (or leg off for that matter) and club you to death with it.


there have been reports of gorillas literally doing 500lb dead lifts until they were BORED without breaking a sweat!!!


You obviously have no idea of the strength an ape posseses.
 
Re: apes

Originally posted by buickpower
I remember hearing that a chimpanzee (or was it orangutan?) supposedly has several times the strength of a man. ya gotta remember these are the guys that swing around in trees alot with one hand easily.


try 6 -7 times the strength.
 
I was watching a show on TV on this one day. I do remember them saying the average man benches around 165-185#'s while your average chimp can do 400+
 
I think the man stands a chance, you just need to grab him in a head lock and hold on tight!......the only thing i ask is that you video tape your dismemberment for us:D :D the ape might go easy on ya:eek: :D
 
I don't care if you're the greatest martial artist that ever walked the Earth. From the instant that you manage to make a silverback gorilla angry, your lifespan would be measured in seconds.
 
How about this. Instead of me slapping it to piss it off i'll hit it with a tranquilizer to piss it off. That way I might live long enough till it passes out. That counts as a win right? :D
 
This has got to be one of the funniest threads ever. I'm sitting here reading this.....picturing it.....and laughing my a*#s off. Thanks for a good laugh.
Rob:)
GreatestBuick, what even made you think of something like this in the first place?
 
Originally posted by rc1626
This has got to be one of the funniest threads ever. I'm sitting here reading this.....picturing it.....and laughing my a*#s off. Thanks for a good laugh.
Rob:)
GreatestBuick, what even made you think of something like this in the first place?

Just a thought. :)
 
this is a pretty funny thread,Im laughing my ass off, especially the people that are obviously getting angry over the thought of a human hitting a creature that practices all kinds of barbarism in the wild.

I have to think though that strength isnt the only determining factor in winning a fight.

Id like to see a good one hitter quitter from the ufc go up against an ape, like pedro rizzo or vitor belfort at their peak, sure the ape may be stronger but can it deliver a knockout blow with the speed and precision that those guys have?


course, id imagine it would probably take more of a blow to knock out an ape

but I would definately pay good money to see it hashed out in the octagon.
 
Sounds like a something from "Jackass". Go ahead and do it. :D
Remember that old suitcase commercial where the gorilla throws it all around and jumps on it?
 
Check this out

Don't mess with this!
 

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