HOW TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT
1. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread
by a lack of federal funding.
2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't
teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to
teach those same kids about sex.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of
law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than US
nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese
& North Korean communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before
Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are
less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the
earth's climate, and more affected by soccer moms
driving SUVs.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are
artificial, but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to be against capital punishment, but
support abortion on demand.
8. You have to believe that businesses create
oppression, and governments create prosperity.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about
nature, but loony activists who have never been
outside of San Francisco do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more
important than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe that the military, not politicians, start wars.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it
supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the
ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of
the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but
ATM fees are too high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and
Gloria Steinem are more important to American history
than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee and Thomas
Edison.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are
racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is
normal, and really a very nice person.
17. You have to believe that the only reason
socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is
because the right people haven't been in charge.
18. You have to believe conservatives telling the
truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender
belonged in the White House.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades
displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should
be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at
Christmas should be illegal.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party
funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the
best interests of the United States.
21. You have to believe that this letter is part of a
vast right wing conspiracy.