2003 DARWIN AWARDS
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a
holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something
that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the
trigger again. This time it worked.
********************************************************
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine
and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to
have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The
chef's claim was approved.
********************************************************
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the
space. Understandably, he shot her.
********************************************************
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare
to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver
went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff
that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
**************************************************************
An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious
head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he
could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
********************************************************
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, puts a $20 bill on the counter,
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled
a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime
committed?)
********************************************************
Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head,
knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
********************************************************
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her
purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to
give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the
police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to
the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there
for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's
the lady I stole the purse from."
********************************************************
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked
away.
********************************************************
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a
chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of
pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off
their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home, leaving the chain
still
attached to the machine, which was still attached to their bumper with their
vehicle's license plate still
attached to the bumper.
They were quickly arrested.
********************************************************
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled
sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by
mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it
was the best laugh he'd ever had.
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a
holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something
that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the
trigger again. This time it worked.
********************************************************
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine
and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to
have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The
chef's claim was approved.
********************************************************
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the
space. Understandably, he shot her.
********************************************************
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare
to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver
went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff
that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
**************************************************************
An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious
head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he
could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
********************************************************
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, puts a $20 bill on the counter,
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled
a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime
committed?)
********************************************************
Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head,
knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
********************************************************
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her
purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to
give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the
police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to
the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there
for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's
the lady I stole the purse from."
********************************************************
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked
away.
********************************************************
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a
chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of
pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off
their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home, leaving the chain
still
attached to the machine, which was still attached to their bumper with their
vehicle's license plate still
attached to the bumper.
They were quickly arrested.
********************************************************
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled
sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by
mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it
was the best laugh he'd ever had.
