Author UNK
Anger Management
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.
It all started one day when I was sitting at my desk and remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying, "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Bill.., May I please speak with Robin Carter?"
Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an a--hole!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'a--hole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a--hole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'a--hole' calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said: "Hi, this is John Smith from the
Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're interested in the Caller ID program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a--hole!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking
spot.Some guy in a black WRX cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first a--hole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the WRX a--hole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black WRX for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 802 West South Avenue. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?"
"My name is Don Burgemeyer," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an a--hole."
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two a--holes to call But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea.
I called A--hole #1.
"Hello."
"You're an a--hole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked..
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I screamed back.
"Who are you?" he demanded.
"My name is Don Burgemeyer."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"I live at 802 West West South Avenue, A--HOLE! It's a yellow house, with my black WRX parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over there right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a--hole."
Then I called A--hole #2.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, a--hole," I said...again, without hanging up.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are!"
"Yeah, you'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, a--hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 802 West South Avenue, and that I was on my way home to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News to let them know about the war going down on West South Avenue. I quickly got into my car and headed over to West South Avenue.
There I saw two a--holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.
NOW, I feel better.
Anger management really works!!!
Anger Management
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.
It all started one day when I was sitting at my desk and remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying, "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Bill.., May I please speak with Robin Carter?"
Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an a--hole!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'a--hole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a--hole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'a--hole' calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said: "Hi, this is John Smith from the
Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're interested in the Caller ID program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a--hole!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking
spot.Some guy in a black WRX cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first a--hole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the WRX a--hole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black WRX for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 802 West South Avenue. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?"
"My name is Don Burgemeyer," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an a--hole."
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two a--holes to call But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea.
I called A--hole #1.
"Hello."
"You're an a--hole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked..
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I screamed back.
"Who are you?" he demanded.
"My name is Don Burgemeyer."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"I live at 802 West West South Avenue, A--HOLE! It's a yellow house, with my black WRX parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over there right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a--hole."
Then I called A--hole #2.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, a--hole," I said...again, without hanging up.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are!"
"Yeah, you'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, a--hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 802 West South Avenue, and that I was on my way home to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News to let them know about the war going down on West South Avenue. I quickly got into my car and headed over to West South Avenue.
There I saw two a--holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.
NOW, I feel better.
Anger management really works!!!
