WE4
TBcom Admin /Prayers NYFD/NYPD
- Joined
- May 24, 2001
- Messages
- 4,594
My Mother's friend" husband experianced this. This is how he described it. The names have been excluded to preserve dignity.
Cat Lover or Not, this is hysterical!
We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate
my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because
the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had
sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the
next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the
bandage on the top of my head.
The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes
to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was
taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to
me from the kitchen.
"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"
There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second.
So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged
nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as
extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head
under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.
No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth.
It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she
spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and
stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I
was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged
them with her needle-like claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly
rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging
from my masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men,
in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from
experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet
bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are
not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen
floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were
all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while
trying to suppress their hysterical laughter...and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in
to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about
my head injury I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.
"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
If they only knew!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I roared!!! I just thought this hilarious.
Bruce
WE4
Cat Lover or Not, this is hysterical!
We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate
my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because
the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had
sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the
next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the
bandage on the top of my head.
The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes
to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was
taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to
me from the kitchen.
"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"
There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second.
So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged
nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as
extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head
under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.
No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth.
It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she
spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and
stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I
was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged
them with her needle-like claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly
rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging
from my masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men,
in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from
experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet
bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are
not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen
floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were
all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while
trying to suppress their hysterical laughter...and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in
to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about
my head injury I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.
"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
If they only knew!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I roared!!! I just thought this hilarious.
Bruce
WE4
