2009 Premium Black/Black Interior FBO
Price $60,000
Miles 35,2XX (may go up slightly)
Located in Bracey Va 23919
Will take wire transfer or Bitcoin
OK, let me start off by saying this bad baby is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women) who are well versed in the deadly art of GTR. Friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this black beauty R-35 would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly. It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you've had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what Mustangs are for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.
This car was engineered by 3rd degree black belts from the mean streets of Tokyo to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like cup holders (real men don't drink tea). No, this brute comes with the things that testosterone-fueled action junkies need. It has an oil sweating, bullet proof, Cicio tuned 600 HP engine that’s frequently used to outrun the cops. A dual clutch transmission that shifts faster and harder than Chuck Norris’s b!tch slap. It's got a special blood/gore resistant interior that’s big enough to store your axe and chainsaw and still have room for you and the three hotties that you picked up on the way to the gym. And because the ladies also love wheelies, I have a second set of light weight rims in case you want to put on some sticky track shoes. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself.
The price on this car (that Darth Vader used to outrun the Millennium Falcon) is an incredibly low $60,000, but I will entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me it’s not pretty enough for you, so you'll give me $59,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Joe Rogan roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Taylor Swift concert anymore. There is only 35,000 mi on this in-destructible four-wheeled hellcar. But in-destructible wasn't tough enough for me…so I had it built (5000 mi or less ago) to the “immortal” level that only Cicio’s Performance can achieve. They gave it a full bolt on treatment with their specially designed intakes and inlets, fuel pumps and injectors and AMS down pipes. As well as a custom made catted mid-pipe that uses Gesi cats. All this was topped off by a custom tune on their reality bending four-wheel dyno. Trust me; it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo. However, if you want to test Einstein’s theory of relativity or set a land speed record or maybe just take on a Bugatti, you will need to fine tune this technological marvel for E-85 in order to reach it’s max potential.
Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Keanu Reeves stunt double, then contact me via PM. I might be out experimenting with explosives or chainsaw fighting, but I'll get back to you.
P.S. Only because I’m such a nice guy, I’ll sweeten the deal with a second resonated mid-pipe and all factory parts including original run flat tires.
P.P.S My lawyer has advised me to clear a few things up.
First off, the engineers that designed the GTR have never been bestowed with the title of “3rd degree black belt”. I just made that sh!t up.
A VR38DETT will not stop a bullet (although I've heard the Cicio billet block will).
I never have or will I ever in the future use my superior vehicle to evade the police.
Although I fully believe it to be true, there are certain religious groups that will dispute Cicio’s status as a demigod.
Speed and ft lbs measurements have never actually been recorded for Chuck Norris’s b!tch slap. So, to compare a GR6Z30A transmission with such would be pure speculation.
There is no scientific proof that women are attracted to wheelies…or is there any documented proof that this car will actually do a wheelie. I just used my imagination on that one.
According to George Lucas, Darth Vader never outran the Millennium Falcon or has he ever owned this car.
Lowball offer will under no circumstance be met with violence of any kind.
In lieu of the words “in-destructible” and “immortal” please insert the phrases “sold as is” and “no warranty”.
Price $60,000
Miles 35,2XX (may go up slightly)
Located in Bracey Va 23919
Will take wire transfer or Bitcoin
OK, let me start off by saying this bad baby is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women) who are well versed in the deadly art of GTR. Friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this black beauty R-35 would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly. It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you've had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what Mustangs are for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.
This car was engineered by 3rd degree black belts from the mean streets of Tokyo to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like cup holders (real men don't drink tea). No, this brute comes with the things that testosterone-fueled action junkies need. It has an oil sweating, bullet proof, Cicio tuned 600 HP engine that’s frequently used to outrun the cops. A dual clutch transmission that shifts faster and harder than Chuck Norris’s b!tch slap. It's got a special blood/gore resistant interior that’s big enough to store your axe and chainsaw and still have room for you and the three hotties that you picked up on the way to the gym. And because the ladies also love wheelies, I have a second set of light weight rims in case you want to put on some sticky track shoes. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself.
The price on this car (that Darth Vader used to outrun the Millennium Falcon) is an incredibly low $60,000, but I will entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me it’s not pretty enough for you, so you'll give me $59,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Joe Rogan roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Taylor Swift concert anymore. There is only 35,000 mi on this in-destructible four-wheeled hellcar. But in-destructible wasn't tough enough for me…so I had it built (5000 mi or less ago) to the “immortal” level that only Cicio’s Performance can achieve. They gave it a full bolt on treatment with their specially designed intakes and inlets, fuel pumps and injectors and AMS down pipes. As well as a custom made catted mid-pipe that uses Gesi cats. All this was topped off by a custom tune on their reality bending four-wheel dyno. Trust me; it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo. However, if you want to test Einstein’s theory of relativity or set a land speed record or maybe just take on a Bugatti, you will need to fine tune this technological marvel for E-85 in order to reach it’s max potential.
Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Keanu Reeves stunt double, then contact me via PM. I might be out experimenting with explosives or chainsaw fighting, but I'll get back to you.
P.S. Only because I’m such a nice guy, I’ll sweeten the deal with a second resonated mid-pipe and all factory parts including original run flat tires.
P.P.S My lawyer has advised me to clear a few things up.
First off, the engineers that designed the GTR have never been bestowed with the title of “3rd degree black belt”. I just made that sh!t up.
A VR38DETT will not stop a bullet (although I've heard the Cicio billet block will).
I never have or will I ever in the future use my superior vehicle to evade the police.
Although I fully believe it to be true, there are certain religious groups that will dispute Cicio’s status as a demigod.
Speed and ft lbs measurements have never actually been recorded for Chuck Norris’s b!tch slap. So, to compare a GR6Z30A transmission with such would be pure speculation.
There is no scientific proof that women are attracted to wheelies…or is there any documented proof that this car will actually do a wheelie. I just used my imagination on that one.
According to George Lucas, Darth Vader never outran the Millennium Falcon or has he ever owned this car.
Lowball offer will under no circumstance be met with violence of any kind.
In lieu of the words “in-destructible” and “immortal” please insert the phrases “sold as is” and “no warranty”.
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