FWIW & IMHO:
For washing the car where you want to remove as much of the old wax as possible use a liquid dish soap like dawn or palmolive.
For washing the car when you do not want to remove the existing wax that is on the car use a good, high quality car wash/shampoo.
For waxing the car, I cannot reccommend any as I have not found any that I like. I use a glaze made by Shoguard, but any good glaze made by a quality manufacturer should suffice. Keep in mind that glaze polishes the surface, and will remove minor swirl marks, minor scratches, and old wax, but offers no protection as a good wax or polish does.