I like these!!
#1
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck and everyone
inside dies. When they get to meet their maker, because of the grief they
have experienced, He decides to grant them one wish each before they enter
Heaven. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what their wish
is.
"I want to be gorgeous." So God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The
second one in line hears this and says, "I want to be gorgeous too."
Another
snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on for a while with
each one asking to be gorgeous but when God is halfway down the line, the
last guy in the line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left,
this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.
Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The
guy eventually calms down and says:"Make 'em all ugly again."
So, the next time you are last in line...smile!
#2
A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort where
the husband likes to get up at the crack of dawn and
fish, while the wife likes to read.
One morning after an early morning fishing run, the
husband returns and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides
to take the boat out and after motoring a short
distance, anchors and sits back to read her book.
Soon a game warden came along.
"Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies (thinking that it should
be obvious).
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm
reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know
you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you
in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual
assault," says the woman.
"But, I haven't touched you!" says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all
I know you could start at any moment!"
"Have a nice day, ma'am", and he left.
MORAL:
Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she
can also think.
#1
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck and everyone
inside dies. When they get to meet their maker, because of the grief they
have experienced, He decides to grant them one wish each before they enter
Heaven. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what their wish
is.
"I want to be gorgeous." So God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The
second one in line hears this and says, "I want to be gorgeous too."
Another
snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on for a while with
each one asking to be gorgeous but when God is halfway down the line, the
last guy in the line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left,
this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.
Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The
guy eventually calms down and says:"Make 'em all ugly again."
So, the next time you are last in line...smile!
#2
A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort where
the husband likes to get up at the crack of dawn and
fish, while the wife likes to read.
One morning after an early morning fishing run, the
husband returns and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides
to take the boat out and after motoring a short
distance, anchors and sits back to read her book.
Soon a game warden came along.
"Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies (thinking that it should
be obvious).
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm
reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know
you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you
in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual
assault," says the woman.
"But, I haven't touched you!" says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all
I know you could start at any moment!"
"Have a nice day, ma'am", and he left.
MORAL:
Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she
can also think.
