A bit of "virus humor"...
- Thread starter Chuck Leeper
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he responded to me on a thread ... maybe this one or the other ones ...which was nice nice .. ill pull it up now so its recent ... thinking about all you guys even if yalll think im crazy ..I love your bitch asses ...
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From an anonymous UPS delivery driver...
5 types of customers since the “rona”:
1) Steve:
He has been waiting for this moment his whole life. He has been drinking boilermakers since 10:00 am in his recliner and his AR is within arms reach. He has 6 months provisions in the basement and a bug out bag due west buried in the woods. Steve demands a handshake as I give him his package. He’s sizing me up as I deliver his ammo.
Steve will survive this, and he will kill you if he needs to.
2) Brad:
He is standing at his window wearing skinny jeans and a Patagonia t-shirt. He is mad because there were no organic tomatoes at Whole Foods today. He points at the ground where he has taped a 6 ft no go zone line from his porch. I leave his case of Fuji water, organic granola bites, and his new “Bernie Bro” hat at the tape.
Brad will not survive.
Steve will probably eat him.
3) Nancy:
She has sprayed everything with Thieves oil. Bought all the Clorox wipes, hand sanitizer, toilet paper, meat, and bread from the local grocery chain. She has quarantined her kids and sprays them with a mixture of thieves, lavender, & mint essential oils daily. She has posted every link known to man about “The Rona” on her social media. She will spray you if you break the 6 ft rule. I will leave her yet another case of toilet paper.
She will last longer than Brad, but not Steve.
4) Karen:
She has called everybody and read them the latest news on “The Rona”. She asked for the manager at Food Lion, Walmart, Publix, McDonalds, Chi-Fil-A, and Vons all before noon demanding more toilet paper. Karen’s kids are currently faking “The Rona” to avoid her. I’m delivering “Hello kitchen” to her.
Karen will not survive longer than Brad.
5) Mary:
Is sitting in the swing watching her kids have a water balloon fight in the front yard as she is on her fourth glass of wine. She went to the store and bought 2 cases of pop tarts, 6 boxes of cereal, 8 bags of pizza rolls, And a 6 roll pack of toilet paper. There is a playlist of Bob Marley, Pink Floyd, and Post Malone playing in the background. I’m bringing her second shipment of 15 bottles of wine in 3 days.
Mary will survive and marry Steve.
Together they will repopulate the earth.
May God have mercy on us all.”
5 types of customers since the “rona”:
1) Steve:
He has been waiting for this moment his whole life. He has been drinking boilermakers since 10:00 am in his recliner and his AR is within arms reach. He has 6 months provisions in the basement and a bug out bag due west buried in the woods. Steve demands a handshake as I give him his package. He’s sizing me up as I deliver his ammo.
Steve will survive this, and he will kill you if he needs to.
2) Brad:
He is standing at his window wearing skinny jeans and a Patagonia t-shirt. He is mad because there were no organic tomatoes at Whole Foods today. He points at the ground where he has taped a 6 ft no go zone line from his porch. I leave his case of Fuji water, organic granola bites, and his new “Bernie Bro” hat at the tape.
Brad will not survive.
Steve will probably eat him.
3) Nancy:
She has sprayed everything with Thieves oil. Bought all the Clorox wipes, hand sanitizer, toilet paper, meat, and bread from the local grocery chain. She has quarantined her kids and sprays them with a mixture of thieves, lavender, & mint essential oils daily. She has posted every link known to man about “The Rona” on her social media. She will spray you if you break the 6 ft rule. I will leave her yet another case of toilet paper.
She will last longer than Brad, but not Steve.
4) Karen:
She has called everybody and read them the latest news on “The Rona”. She asked for the manager at Food Lion, Walmart, Publix, McDonalds, Chi-Fil-A, and Vons all before noon demanding more toilet paper. Karen’s kids are currently faking “The Rona” to avoid her. I’m delivering “Hello kitchen” to her.
Karen will not survive longer than Brad.
5) Mary:
Is sitting in the swing watching her kids have a water balloon fight in the front yard as she is on her fourth glass of wine. She went to the store and bought 2 cases of pop tarts, 6 boxes of cereal, 8 bags of pizza rolls, And a 6 roll pack of toilet paper. There is a playlist of Bob Marley, Pink Floyd, and Post Malone playing in the background. I’m bringing her second shipment of 15 bottles of wine in 3 days.
Mary will survive and marry Steve.
Together they will repopulate the earth.
May God have mercy on us all.”
If it goes Mad Max the Steve guy will have his pick of young beautiful women for his harem since 95% were living in lala land right up to the end.
Mark T-TB
car crazy from birth
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(from an email...)
An old physician, Doctor Gordon Geezer , became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said: " Dr. Geezer's Clinic . Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured, get back $1,000."
Doctor Digger Young , who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.
Dr Young : " Dr. Geezer , I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?"
Dr Geezer : "Nurse, please bring medicine from the box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr Young : 'Aaagh! -- This is Gasoline!"
Dr Geezer : " Congratulations !
You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr Young : "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr Geezer : "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr Young : "Oh, no you don't -- that is Gasoline!"
Dr Geezer : " Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr Young : "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!"
Dr Geezer : "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, "Here's your $1000 back" (giving him a $10 bill)
Dr Young : "But this is only $10!"
Dr Geezer : " Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
* Moral of story * -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer" .
*Remember:* Don't make old people mad We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.
An old physician, Doctor Gordon Geezer , became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said: " Dr. Geezer's Clinic . Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured, get back $1,000."
Doctor Digger Young , who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.
Dr Young : " Dr. Geezer , I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?"
Dr Geezer : "Nurse, please bring medicine from the box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr Young : 'Aaagh! -- This is Gasoline!"
Dr Geezer : " Congratulations !
You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr Young : "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr Geezer : "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr Young : "Oh, no you don't -- that is Gasoline!"
Dr Geezer : " Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr Young : "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!"
Dr Geezer : "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, "Here's your $1000 back" (giving him a $10 bill)
Dr Young : "But this is only $10!"
Dr Geezer : " Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
* Moral of story * -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer" .
*Remember:* Don't make old people mad We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.
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that was darn good ...ill be sending that to my father LMAO....
But than again, "There's no fool like an old fool" Being old only keeps you from doing as many stupid things because y'all did them all when younger.
fuckin love this
Mark T-TB
car crazy from birth
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A few more gathered from forwarded emails:
* Gonna ask my Mom if that offer to slap me into next year is still on the table.
* Whenever you start feeling bad, just remember that somewhere out there Bill Clinton is quarantined with Hillary.
* Guy 1: Yesterday my wife ran away with my best friend Mike.
Guy 2: Since when is Mike your best friend.
Guy 1: Since yesterday.
* My wife is singing in the house.
I'm sitting on the porch so the neighbors don't think that I'm hitting her.
(these are from one that said best smart-ass answers:
* A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead...'
* The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
*A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'
* Gonna ask my Mom if that offer to slap me into next year is still on the table.
* Whenever you start feeling bad, just remember that somewhere out there Bill Clinton is quarantined with Hillary.
* Guy 1: Yesterday my wife ran away with my best friend Mike.
Guy 2: Since when is Mike your best friend.
Guy 1: Since yesterday.
* My wife is singing in the house.
I'm sitting on the porch so the neighbors don't think that I'm hitting her.
(these are from one that said best smart-ass answers:
* A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead...'
* The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
*A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'
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I've never figured out, why a good looking blonde would dye the roots of her hair brown...How come women in their 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, etc never have any white hair.
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I wore my new mask to a local grocery store. People were laffing, and pointing at me.
They didn't even notice me, when I went to the Walmart.
They didn't even notice me, when I went to the Walmart.
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Just wondering.
Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk
Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk
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- Joined
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A fart is so strong, an elephant can't hold it!Just wondering.
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It's also VERY sharp. It goes thru you pants without leaving a hole.
A gasmask will NOT filter a fart. S/SGT Ripuchi. USAF, 1960.
Let’s expand on the fart. One Eskimo bet another that his igloo was the coldest in the village and could prove it. So they walk over to his igloo got a pair of pants out on his dirty clothes and held them over the fire in his igloo and when they warm up a loud fart came out of his pants Sooooo when the covid 19 warms up is it to worse?? So yes how does the mask helpJust wondering.
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