Another Woman Problem Thread
- Thread starter Shane
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Shane..
Walk, no wait... RUN the other direction from this girl. If she really loved you she wouldn't have done what she did.
There are way too many other girls in the world to let one do this type of stuff to you. Somewhere down the line you will meet a nice girl who treats you great and this will be a distant memory.
Good luck pal.
Walk, no wait... RUN the other direction from this girl. If she really loved you she wouldn't have done what she did.
There are way too many other girls in the world to let one do this type of stuff to you. Somewhere down the line you will meet a nice girl who treats you great and this will be a distant memory.
Good luck pal.
Shane, from one nuke to another, leave this girl as fast as you can. She sounds like a b1tch. Actually, she is a b1tch for treating you like that!
You have way too much going for you to be worried about this girl. There are way more out there that are going to treat you much better.
The best way to get over her, and I hope you do quickly, is to immerse yourself in other stuff like (as cheesey as it sounds) quals.
I hope the best for you. ERIC.
You have way too much going for you to be worried about this girl. There are way more out there that are going to treat you much better.
The best way to get over her, and I hope you do quickly, is to immerse yourself in other stuff like (as cheesey as it sounds) quals.
I hope the best for you. ERIC.
dude i had a similar situation...
me and my girlfriend of over a year were perfect...nothing was wrong with us...never had problems...
well one day i guess two guys at her work convinced her to come to their little party late at night...one guy got her really drunk...then it was just her and one guy...well the guy took advantage of her and date raped her...(she was a virgin)
ever since then she was never the same...our relationship fell apart...well 2 months later she comes out of the blue and tells me we are done...i wasn't expecting it...we had everything planned together...
i find out a week later that the reason why she dumped me was because she found another guy...she didn't dump me until 3 days after she met the guy...so basically she went behind my back
now i am going personal here...but me and her never had sex at all...we planned on not doing it until we got married (old fashioned i know)
well i found out last month that she had sex with this guy after just seeing him for 3 weeks...i about lost it myself...i felt so hurt and betrayed...i wanted to throw up thinking about her doing it with another guy...
i finally talked to her mom and she said that it all probably happened because she didn't feel pure anymore after the rape and that our relationship together wasn't special no more...thus the new guy and having sex with him...
well now a month later the guy tells her that he's had another girl on the side the whole time, is smoking pot now, and called her "not attractive enough anymore" for him...she got it just like she gave it to me...only worse for her...
now she is confused and doesn't want to let go of this guy of hers but she is now focusing on talking to me more again and wanting to possibly get back with me...she says she is sorry for everything and now she knows what i feel and how i feel...blah blah blah...
i told her that there's no way i can take her back now...she is still gonna be thinking about her other guy and stuff...i told her that the ONLY way i will take you back is if you WANT to go back out with me and not feel that you HAVE to just because you feel sorry and depressed right now...and i doubt i will even take her back at all...i can't stand the thought of someone doing that to me...hey the grass wasn't so green on the other side now was it!!! your loss b!tch...that's the way i think of it...go out and find someone else who TRULY does love you...they won't do this sh!t to you if they TRULY love you...
me and my girlfriend of over a year were perfect...nothing was wrong with us...never had problems...
well one day i guess two guys at her work convinced her to come to their little party late at night...one guy got her really drunk...then it was just her and one guy...well the guy took advantage of her and date raped her...(she was a virgin)
ever since then she was never the same...our relationship fell apart...well 2 months later she comes out of the blue and tells me we are done...i wasn't expecting it...we had everything planned together...
i find out a week later that the reason why she dumped me was because she found another guy...she didn't dump me until 3 days after she met the guy...so basically she went behind my back
now i am going personal here...but me and her never had sex at all...we planned on not doing it until we got married (old fashioned i know)
well i found out last month that she had sex with this guy after just seeing him for 3 weeks...i about lost it myself...i felt so hurt and betrayed...i wanted to throw up thinking about her doing it with another guy...
i finally talked to her mom and she said that it all probably happened because she didn't feel pure anymore after the rape and that our relationship together wasn't special no more...thus the new guy and having sex with him...
well now a month later the guy tells her that he's had another girl on the side the whole time, is smoking pot now, and called her "not attractive enough anymore" for him...she got it just like she gave it to me...only worse for her...
now she is confused and doesn't want to let go of this guy of hers but she is now focusing on talking to me more again and wanting to possibly get back with me...she says she is sorry for everything and now she knows what i feel and how i feel...blah blah blah...
i told her that there's no way i can take her back now...she is still gonna be thinking about her other guy and stuff...i told her that the ONLY way i will take you back is if you WANT to go back out with me and not feel that you HAVE to just because you feel sorry and depressed right now...and i doubt i will even take her back at all...i can't stand the thought of someone doing that to me...hey the grass wasn't so green on the other side now was it!!! your loss b!tch...that's the way i think of it...go out and find someone else who TRULY does love you...they won't do this sh!t to you if they TRULY love you...
Shane,
Every thing you've described leads to the high-probability
(90%+) conclusions as follows:
These recent reactive episodes you've experienced were text-book examples of classic panic-attacks...not uncommon (but unpleasant) phenomena given a particular scenario in almost anyone, so relax...not any thing approaching a true "nervous breakdown."
TASK ONE:
If you again feel something similar "coming on", practice slow rhythmic breathing while sitting down with your eyes closed---and immediately channel your thoughts on whomever/whatever is most symbolic to you of PEACE and COMFORT...train yourself to do these few techniques...they work, and keep you in control, & stop the progressive symptoms.
TASK TWO:
Quickly get a copy of the book: "I HATE YOU...please don't leave me!!"
The behavior you described coming from the other person is thoroughly defined and the nature of its pathology described in that one focused book. You'll see the true nature of her "beast within". Not your fault, not your responsibility, and very very little can be done to "change" it by any one...no matter the therapeutic efforts or medicines.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How did you wind up in your current predicament?
Take some comfort in the clinical reality that some of the sickest & most unstable outrageous people are drawn to some of the gentlest, kindest, peaceful, thoughtful, reliable, consistent, patient, faithful, most trusting people in the world. They know what they are missing inside on their own, so they require you to supply enough of these qualities for both. They are Masters at using every good thing about you to their advantage and to your self-destruction.
2 choices to pick from IMMEDIATELY: ---------------------------------
Stay with her, & eventually lose everything that you have of any value...including your own sanity and self-worth. You could pour a thousand lifetimes of Shanes down into her bottomless well of un-meetable needs, & it would never be "enough".
Or, use this experience as a life-changing, positive opportunity to learn all you can to prevent anything similar catching you blind-sided ever again.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TASK THREE:
Stay in the company of people you respect who place your best interests #1, and who will help make sure you're taking good care of your primary responsibility...SHANE.
You'll weather this storm, and emerge to enjoy & cherish the most beautiful sunshine you've yet seen.
Get busy here on the 3 tasks asked of you above, and remember we're pulling for YOU, every step of the path ahead.
Every thing you've described leads to the high-probability
(90%+) conclusions as follows:
These recent reactive episodes you've experienced were text-book examples of classic panic-attacks...not uncommon (but unpleasant) phenomena given a particular scenario in almost anyone, so relax...not any thing approaching a true "nervous breakdown."
TASK ONE:
If you again feel something similar "coming on", practice slow rhythmic breathing while sitting down with your eyes closed---and immediately channel your thoughts on whomever/whatever is most symbolic to you of PEACE and COMFORT...train yourself to do these few techniques...they work, and keep you in control, & stop the progressive symptoms.
TASK TWO:
Quickly get a copy of the book: "I HATE YOU...please don't leave me!!"
The behavior you described coming from the other person is thoroughly defined and the nature of its pathology described in that one focused book. You'll see the true nature of her "beast within". Not your fault, not your responsibility, and very very little can be done to "change" it by any one...no matter the therapeutic efforts or medicines.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How did you wind up in your current predicament?
Take some comfort in the clinical reality that some of the sickest & most unstable outrageous people are drawn to some of the gentlest, kindest, peaceful, thoughtful, reliable, consistent, patient, faithful, most trusting people in the world. They know what they are missing inside on their own, so they require you to supply enough of these qualities for both. They are Masters at using every good thing about you to their advantage and to your self-destruction.
2 choices to pick from IMMEDIATELY: ---------------------------------
Stay with her, & eventually lose everything that you have of any value...including your own sanity and self-worth. You could pour a thousand lifetimes of Shanes down into her bottomless well of un-meetable needs, & it would never be "enough".
Or, use this experience as a life-changing, positive opportunity to learn all you can to prevent anything similar catching you blind-sided ever again.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TASK THREE:
Stay in the company of people you respect who place your best interests #1, and who will help make sure you're taking good care of your primary responsibility...SHANE.
You'll weather this storm, and emerge to enjoy & cherish the most beautiful sunshine you've yet seen.
Get busy here on the 3 tasks asked of you above, and remember we're pulling for YOU, every step of the path ahead.
I think everyone on this board has or will go through the same thing. Everyone on this board is a straight shooter and worth a listen. TWO LANE YOU ARE THE MAN. Are you a psychiatrist or something because ur advice is invaluable. Shane i hope everything works out for the best.
You guys all need a trip to the Phillipines, or Osan, Korea to get in touch with your "I just don't care" side. Better yet... when you get there make sure you make that long distance phone call to your ex sweeties to tell them you are doing everything possible to forget about them.
Anxiety attacks over a girl? Only if she was wearing high heel shoes, stockings, and had a twin sister willing to join in.
Please remember it was Eve that took away Adam's immortality... no man has ever been bent over a desk harder than Adam.
Anxiety attacks over a girl? Only if she was wearing high heel shoes, stockings, and had a twin sister willing to join in.
Please remember it was Eve that took away Adam's immortality... no man has ever been bent over a desk harder than Adam.
Captain Mark
New Member
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2002
- Messages
- 2,051
Women are like buses........just wait, another one will be along soon!
Hmm.. do you think someone who really cared about you and was worth marrying would...
A. Break up with you via cell phone instant message
B. Talk to other guys via chat..
C. Break up with you for a guy on chat??
D. Go sleep with the guy on chat...
You should be
not 
Then
because you didn't get married to that psycho...
A. Break up with you via cell phone instant message
B. Talk to other guys via chat..
C. Break up with you for a guy on chat??
D. Go sleep with the guy on chat...
You should be
not Then
because you didn't get married to that psycho...GN One Day...
Senior Member
- Joined
- May 28, 2001
- Messages
- 1,686
Please remember it was Eve that took away Adam's immortality... no man has ever been bent over a desk harder than Adam.
That's an interesting viewpoint. However, he made the CHOICE to bite it on his own. Men have been biting for women ever since. Maybe our guy here will learn from the mistake and not bite twice and let this chick go.
Two Lane had some excellent advice. Like he said, don't sweat the panic attacks. It happens. Don't let the stress of that experience add to everything.
I think Bishir summed it up 100%. This is not a loss, this is a second chance. The RIGHT woman would not and could not do that to you. You're blessed to have such a clear answer about the nature of this girl. Not fun, but let this experience drive home what type of person you're dealing with. Don't BS yourself and rationalize her actions. It was wrong. Not a wrong like "oops", wrong like a telling point of what type of person she is--and will continue to be.
That's an interesting viewpoint. However, he made the CHOICE to bite it on his own. Men have been biting for women ever since. Maybe our guy here will learn from the mistake and not bite twice and let this chick go.
Two Lane had some excellent advice. Like he said, don't sweat the panic attacks. It happens. Don't let the stress of that experience add to everything.
I think Bishir summed it up 100%. This is not a loss, this is a second chance. The RIGHT woman would not and could not do that to you. You're blessed to have such a clear answer about the nature of this girl. Not fun, but let this experience drive home what type of person you're dealing with. Don't BS yourself and rationalize her actions. It was wrong. Not a wrong like "oops", wrong like a telling point of what type of person she is--and will continue to be.
GN One Day...
Senior Member
- Joined
- May 28, 2001
- Messages
- 1,686
BTW,
You should NEVER take a girl back after she leaves you for another guy, and comes back when that relationship goes sour. Usually within 1 month. Think she's back just for you, or because she got left out in the cold?
IF she comes back when that relationship is going GREAT, maybe. That doesn't happen though, does it? Otherwise, you're just a security blanket that they think they can put back on the shelf again later when someone else comes along. And they will. The only way you can regain control is by removing *yourself* as an option. Move on.
You should NEVER take a girl back after she leaves you for another guy, and comes back when that relationship goes sour. Usually within 1 month. Think she's back just for you, or because she got left out in the cold?
IF she comes back when that relationship is going GREAT, maybe. That doesn't happen though, does it? Otherwise, you're just a security blanket that they think they can put back on the shelf again later when someone else comes along. And they will. The only way you can regain control is by removing *yourself* as an option. Move on.
Captain Mark
New Member
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2002
- Messages
- 2,051
You should thank God that you two are not married with kids. I know guys that have been through this same thing, only married with small children. That is a huge mess. Hope you feel better. We're on your side!
Been there too!!
A few years back I was right where you are now. My girlfriend who I thought were going to be together forever broke up with me for a guy she met and knew for about 2 weeks (we had been together for almost 2 years). I went through all the same signs depression axiety attacks dizzyness blackouts which lead to medicene I had to take for a month or so. But one of the first things I did was come here to the board to get some advice from the guys here and they were all helpful and speak the truth I got on with my life and things got better and the girl even came back to me later but I turned her away and I've been better ever since.All the people on the board were right and life got back to normal. Just turn your back on this girl and move on it's hard really hard at times I know but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And you wiil be just fine. Good luck to ya bud better days ARE coming!!
A few years back I was right where you are now. My girlfriend who I thought were going to be together forever broke up with me for a guy she met and knew for about 2 weeks (we had been together for almost 2 years). I went through all the same signs depression axiety attacks dizzyness blackouts which lead to medicene I had to take for a month or so. But one of the first things I did was come here to the board to get some advice from the guys here and they were all helpful and speak the truth I got on with my life and things got better and the girl even came back to me later but I turned her away and I've been better ever since.All the people on the board were right and life got back to normal. Just turn your back on this girl and move on it's hard really hard at times I know but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And you wiil be just fine. Good luck to ya bud better days ARE coming!!
I would if I could. I never have thought that I would long for my qual binder, but it has been taken away. I might get denuked, or denavyed.
The docs called it a nervous breakdown, and me loosing my memory a psychotic breakdown. Are you a doc Two Lane? Maybe mine's a quack...
I agree, great advice. Thank you.
I asked you guys because you are all impartial third parties. You don't know me or her, but you all say the same thing everyone else says. So here's the question.... How do I forget her, if I still love her even now? I know it's best for me.
2quiktocare
Tech Forum Advisor
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- May 12, 2003
- Messages
- 3,455
Only thing I will add to all this good advice is, your body and mind are at odds and they are clashing. Your result is the anxiety and fainting. Go with your gut instinct that your mind is trying to get you to do. GET THE HELL AWAY. How loyal is this GIRL if she dumps you after talking to some dog that gets her drunk and jumps her in bed? If she was truly sorry, she would not have stood you up twice and handled the situation like she did. She is a little kid still and you know what is ahead of you if you stay around. Just be happy you found out prior to marrying her sorry butt. Your heartache will heal, but not if you stay around to relive it with her everyday. Mark
