Anyone with GF/Wife that suffers from depression/anxiety problems please read.

[camaro75racer]

Ok guys im just looking for a little advice or such here. I recently met this very sweet/beautiful girl. We have been seeing each other pretty often but some things im still nervous about. She's had a really rough life so far for her 19 years. Her mother was a very bad drug addict during her early teen years and she has lived in alot (around 30) of diffrent places in the last 6-7 years including several shelters. She was moved here to SC from San Diego by authorities 2 years ago to live with her father/grandparents....all of which seem to resent her because of her mother's ways. Needless to say that doesnt help her much. I will not go into detail of what she has had to endure out of respect for her but it has left her with severe depression/anxiety problems and absolutely no self-esteem. I really like this girl and want to spend as much time as i possibly can. I just was wondering if any of you guys could give me some advice on how to help things. Is there something i can do to help make things easier for her as far as feeling good about herself? Anyway to help the depression? Is there anything i should be worried about. Ive never dealt with anything like this before but im willing to try anything i can. Thanks in advance guys.

 

[John Wilde]

You are a good guy to try and help.
If you are in it for the long hall you can make a difference.
Make sure that you allow her to get her feelings out.
Some time you will just have to listen, there is no way you will have all the answers.
If she is really comfortable with you spend time with her away from the family issues. Positive affirmation always helps. Tell her she looks nice, be supportive of her. I bet she was always told that she would be nothing and she was a burden. You must turn this around and let her know that you choose to spend time with her because of who she is and how she makes you feel. It is important to talk about her problems, but don't become Dr.Phil.
She may need your help, but she also needs to feel like a normal young lady too.
Considering what she went through counseling is a good start and she may need medicine. Long term, Zoloft, Paxil and many others can help.
Short term for panic attacks Klonopin and Ativan are good choices.
Since she has a family history of dependency, make sure the Dr, knows because some of these drugs are addictive.

Good luck and pray for yourself to have the strength to deal with this.
Just when you think it is hard to deal with imagine the pain she is going through.
Too many people are thrown away because that is the easiest way of dealing with them.

God Bless.

 

[T- Type Tim]

My last girlfriend of 3 years was a manic depressant on so much medication, I could'nt believe it.

Jan 11 of this year I found her in my bathroom with both wrists sliced open.

Word of advice , be careful of what you allow into your life.

Regards

Tim

 

[Joe Cancer]

My last girlfriend of 3 years was a manic depressant on so much medication, I could'nt believe it.

Jan 11 of this year I found her in my bathroom with both wrists sliced open.

Word of advice , be careful of what you allow into your life.

Regards

Tim

What he said X2

A friend of mine is married to a girl who is a manic depressant and I wouldn't want to be in his shoes.I won't get into it too deeply but...He can't even hold a real job because when things are bad she causes him to miss work for a week or more at a time.Good Luck

 

[John Larkin]

I thought about your situation before I finally decided to reply. Unfortunately I am going to end up sounding like a father here so be open-minded. I have to agree with John, Joe & Tim but not exactly in the same way.

A person with mental issues is going to be a handful and will consume as much energy as you are willing to expend on them possibly without giving any back to you. It also sounds like you have good morals since you care about someone besides yourself when there is no need to do so. Consider this: what if things never improve? Are you willing to go through this for years, possibly the rest of your life? Think of the most distasteful thing you have ever experienced (the smell of differential fluid, raw sewage, a gory movie, the death of a loved one). Now think how this made you feel. Imagine feeling this way all day/everyday in a disturbed relationship.

It is one thing to be helpful to someone and be able to walk away. Doctors help people but they get to walk away. It is another to be consumed in a relationship that becomes part of your life. I went through a relationship with a girl for 10 years and it ended 10 years ago. The good days were great but the bad ones cancelled out the good. Looking back I see how foolish I was for thinking I could make a difference (she was an alcoholic). At the time, I thought I could help her. It did not work and I had plenty of gut-wrenching/heart-aching days/weeks/months/years. To this day I believe she still drinks but I stopped making contact. It hurt to end the relationship but I am better off because it ended.

Think about the opinions you read here but you'll have to make your own decision. She may have put some good lovin' on you (that got me too) to attach herself to you. Women know what a lure it can be. Use the right head when forming relationships.

 

[TurboBuickSix]

Whatever it is you do,make sure you don't get her pregnant.

 

[camaro75racer]

This is all new to me but seems as though everyone thinks the worst from the way i explained the situation maybe i should have said depression and severe anxiety. Its not as though she has ever tried to hurt herself or anyone else. As for the depression once she kinda opened up to me as long as im around she seems great like any girl her age...talkative/energetic. I think the anxiety(has panic attacks where she freezes up) when she gets nervous is the biggest problem. She has a really hard time trusting ANYONE. From talking with her friends i dont think she would ever try to hurt herself. She does see a couselor ever 2 weeks, its the one they set her up with to deal with the move out here. I really care about this girl and would do anything i can to make things better for her.

 

[Jerryl]

........... She has a really hard time trusting ANYONE. From talking with her friends i dont think she would ever try to hurt herself. She does see a couselor ever 2 weeks, its the one they set her up with to deal with the move out here. I really care about this girl and would do anything i can to make things better for her.

IMHO, it is like buying a bad TR. You want it, but you know it is bad. It is a project and you can develop a love/hate relationship but in the end it is worth is if you LOVE the car.
Be good to the car, spend the time and effort to make it look good, tune it and never give up on reoccurring KR, and the payback will be there. You get the picture.

The first step to healing is recognition, the second is the willingness to change. Sounds like she is doing both so she is getting help.

As stated by others, positive affirmation, earning the trust (most likely will take years!), etc. The real question is not what YOU can do to help (She is already getting help), the question is "Are you willing to invest your time and $, be committed to the end result and are you willing stick it out?"

 

[BandAid]

No matter how good she looks ,Fu@king run fast the other direction.................there are plenty of fish in the sea....for some reason my buddy is a magnet to these kinds of chicks ,,want stories,just ask......

 

[UNGN]

Yesterday morning at 8:00 AM, someone was pounding on my front door screaming "call 911!!! an Man is chasing me!!!".

My 7 year old runs out of his computer room scared 1/2 to death and runs to hide. I open the door a jogger runs in and hides against the wall, in my house. My wife call 911 and tells the woman not to move.

"There's a man in a gray van chasing me! I was jogging and he was following me. I hid in some bushes and took off my shirt so he would think I was someone different. He's in a gray van!!! I'm not crazy! I have 3 kids!!!"

I open the door, and there is indeed a gray van in the street, driven by my neighbor, an attractive, blonde 40 year old school board president. She asks me "is she all right? she was running from house to house with her arms flailing and I thought sh had lost a child or something so I turned around to help. i asked her if she needed help, and she screamed 'NO! get away from me!'"

On the phone with police, her story changed 3 times from a gray van to a black car to a gold SUV. In 2 minutes, there were 4 police cars at my house.

They took her home and I explained to the officers what they might not have figured out, that she was a complete and total nutjob... With 3 kids living in a $1,000,000 house. If they had believed her story, there could be a massive manhunt for a jogger stalker, with the school board President's husband being the prime suspect.

After witnessing the dark side of mental illness as a disinterested 3rd party, I would have to side with those that say run, don't walk away.

 

[BandAid]

No matter how good she looks ,Fu@king run fast the other direction.................there are plenty of fish in the sea....for some reason my buddy is a magnet to these kinds of chicks ,,want stories,just ask......

now that I thiink about it further,you are here asking which tells me you have been caught by what I call " the power of the Pu$$y",not to be mean but follow any good advise here that you can...the buddie I was talking about gets caught by this all the time and never listens to me,,maybe you can be the one that saves her...

 

[chrisgarrett]

Whatever it is you do,make sure you don't get her pregnant.

If you do, you will be tied to her forever, whether you want to be or not. Ask me how I know.

 

[83hurstguy]

If you do, you will be tied to her forever, whether you want to be or not. Ask me how I know.

Agreed, had a friend who went out with a girl who had all kinds of emotional/mental issues. Took 6 months of hell after "breaking up" to get her to go away (and they had only gone out like a month).

 

[sixgun86gn]

Run! Run like hell and don't look back.

Look, just because someone has had a rough life doesn't give them the right to bring others down with their self pity.

Tell her to suck it up and start doing what she needs to do to take care of HERSELF and get her life straight on her own and then you will give her a chance.

Nobody can fix her problems but herself,first by stopping the self pity and co dependency,then looking forward and making better decisions in her life rather than looking at the past and loathing life.

Life is too short to have yourself brought down by someone else's emotional baggage that they refuse to deal with and try to pawn off on others.

She has everything she needs to turn her life around,tell her to forget those people who resent her for whatever reason and move on,she doesn't need them.She is a 19 year old adult not an 8 year old girl,time to grow up.

 

[galoush]

Hey if you like her that much stay with her , you can bail if it gets to be that things arent working out , everyone is Kinda F84ked up regardless of if you notice or not or that they are forthright about it , and there is no golden girl just the one right for you or wrong who knows what you want today may change 10 years from now etc. well at least we know you want ***** but anyway :wink: . Coming form a Using upbringing is no F48king picnic and if you know anyone who grew up with an alcholic /drug using parent they either are big time users themselves or are gonna have some issues at best . If she isnt a user of substances(alcohol/drugs) thats a good thing , counseling and meds can help alot but you cant bring her to salvation , you can be supportive thats about it . Alot of people are cynical and with good reason perhaps . As far as relationships Things work sometimes and sometimes they dont and whos to say what does and dosent only you can answer what works for you .

 

[BlackMetal]

Run! Run like hell and don't look back.

I almost have to agree. I've been with my GF on and off for 2 years now. Her parents are divorced, she lives with her father. Her mom is a complete moron, sleeps around, does drugs, always has some new boyfriend around, etc. Her dad is abusive, strict as hell, doesn't let her go out at all, even weekends. Her brother is a jerk to her too. She isn't from the worst family in the world, but she has gone through quite a bit and she does have problems now too. She's been going to a doctor but I keep telling her "if you're as quiet with the doctor as you are around everyone else, they won't be able to help either".

It's really easy to get sucked in and convince yourself that these kinda girls are helpless and could benefit from someone being there to cheer them up, but let me tell you, after 2 years, I understand was sixgun86 was saying in his post. My girlfriend has hardly improved any, and lately I've been telling her that she just doesn't WANT to change. They get so used to being depressed and lonely that they want to stay that way, whether they realize that they're part of the problem or not.

Ulimately the choice is yours, but I know how easy it is to tell yourself that you want to make a difference to this girl and show her that some people are worth being around, but if she's like the girl I know, it won't mean **** to her. The self esteem problems are really annoying. After two years, when they still say dumb crap like "just go find someone else", it gets reaaallly old. And don't assume that you'll try it out and just bail if it doesn't work, because you feel so guilty when you break up with this type of chick.

 

[ghall]

wow--there are the usual few stupid comments ----but for-the-most -----------there is some great advice and great discussion in this thread.


Geoff

 

[86gngirl]

How long were you together before she told you about her past? This question will give you all of your answers that you need. I am not an expert on this, nor will I pretend to know everything. I am a woman and know how low women will go. For the record, I am not one of these deveice women! I have seen them in action!!! I'll await your answer and tell you what I think and know.

 

[zeus87gn]

Been there, done that, didn't even want the T-shirt.

The situation is not worth your time. She will be a different person by the time she is your age and probably won't give you a second glance. You will have wasted good money and time on a cause that you have already put into question.

Unless you are independently wealthy, and can take her away from all her problems and into a new life, you won't be her 'knight in shining armor'. It's a complex, and you need to get over it. She needs to solve her problems herself, you can't do it for her.

I think it's already been mentioned, but think about your future. She will drag you down and you are (should be) at that point in your life when you can't afford to be drug through the ringer.

GNGirl is exactly right. Certain types of women will sink to new lows to get what they want and won't care whose toes they have to step on to get it.