Autism and Discipline

[TURBOPOWERED68]

I am sure its not an easy task but no discipline at all is just not smart.
The story.
I have an autistic nephew that is VERY VERY Lightly disciplined if at all. the kid is going to be a BIG kid he is already bigger than his mom and over powers her very easily.
She complains about not getting help but at the same she doesn't want anyone to even dare mention the word no to the kid.
Worst part is that the kid is getting stronger and increasing his offence.
For example- he went into the swimming pool (wasn't supposed to) and the mom couldn't get him out on her own so her sister tried to to help and the kid started trying to headbutt both of them they must of spent 20 minutes trying to get him out. the punishment was "don't do that" now "come watch TV"
I feel terrible for the family as every one avoids the kid. He will just break shit and throw anything with in reach. If you are eating you must guard your drink and plate he just may throw it or put what ever he has in his hand in your drink or plate.
Also what ever he wants he gets.
One of the kids grandparent tried to help and discipline him and talk to her about discipline and the kids mom TOTALLY freaked out with "he is my kid i know what i am doing you don't need to tell me what to do" (BTW it was the moms parent NOT AN IN-LAW)
Then when something goes wrong or she needs help she starts the nobody wants to help me.
This is just the tip of it.
I help when i can but its not an easy situation - stop the kid from destroying something and get hollered at for saying no to him in the wrong tone????
She needs professional help on how to deal with him because its not looking good at all. And this alternative soft speaking BULLSHIT isn't going to cut it.

 

[9SECV6]

I have a niece with ashbergers its a mild form of autism and it is always difficult to deal with discipline with her we try and redirect her all the time ask her why she is doing what she's doing at the time trying to find the underlining cause we do discipline her alot. She is in therapy and is in a smaller class it is getting better and better with therapy 1 hr per day.. Most kids have a underlining cause for what they do and why they act out with autism getting more mainstream and people know how to diagnose therapy can help alot before someone gets hurt. . Goodluck on the journey

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[charlief1]

Contact John Wilde, David. His son is autistic and has done a bunch of research to help him. The mom is feeling guilty for bringing a "defective" child into the world and I'd bet her parents are who taught her to behave this way. If she won't start doing right by the boy the state may get involved and take him away from her.

 

[TURBOPOWERED68]

Contact John Wilde, David. His son is autistic and has done a bunch of research to help him. The mom is feeling guilty for bringing a "defective" child into the world and I'd bet her parents are who taught her to behave this way. If she won't start doing right by the boy the state may get involved and take him away from her.

This couldn't be more wrong.
Her parents are supportive to the point that they deserve an award. They do disagree with her methods and try to help but the "thats my kid i know what i am doing" statement comes right out.
They just (kids mother and father) believe too blindly in a reward only system or the other BS system of only positive reinforcement.

 

[Nasty Wendy]

Something tells me that Autism isn't the problem here but rather is making the problem worse. The mother is the problem.

 

[charlief1]

I wasn't trying to piss you off David, but I dated a girl just like this. Her parents looked like they supported her and the kids, but after living with her, I found out how wrong this image was. No matter what the kids did it was my fault, including her very underage kids watching porn and getting drunk. I never brought that crap into the house and the kids went to a local "Christian" private school. "Mom" made all kinds of excuses for them and the grandparents kept telling her how good a job she was doing. Trust me, it's not what you think.

 

[TURBOPOWERED68]

I wasn't trying to piss you off David, but I dated a girl just like this. Her parents looked like they supported her and the kids, but after living with her, I found out how wrong this image was. No matter what the kids did it was my fault, including her very underage kids watching porn and getting drunk. I never brought that crap into the house and the kids went to a local "Christian" private school. "Mom" made all kinds of excuses for them and the grandparents kept telling her how good a job she was doing. Trust me, it's not what you think.

Not pissed at all Dude. Just making it clear that the kids grandparents ARE supportive offer help offer advice but still the parents with the they know what they are doing BS. I am very close to the situation and see the different sides to what goes on the grandparents do loose their patience once in a while with the kid and parents but NEVER stop their support.
the best way to describe the kids parents is like a person that just got their drivers license-- they are now the only person in the world that knows how to drive.

Its probably the hardest thing in the world to deal with.
The kids parents are caring loving parents but they refuse to listen to anyone and think that they are doing things the correct way. What ever one of them alternative parenting counselors says is correct regardless of the results they get or don't get.

 

[TRICKSIXPA]

Wow? My newphew has Autism he is now 16. Hy sister in law works as an Autistic support staff in Philly. Every school district is suppose to have a support setup for schooling. At least I know PA is like this. I be seen this same behavior as well. My sister in law and her husband have never really said no to him since he was little. Always allowed to watch Videos and now has his I pad. Autistic kids are very involved with repetition and sensory actions touch. He sits there a lot and watches the same video over and over again on YouTube. When he is told no he gets very angry and has one of his outbreaks. Kids with autism can hear fine he understands everybody he just can't communicate like the rest of us. They have some really good/ expensive Apps for tablets and I pads that are breaking down those communication boundaries. Do I think kids still need to be disciplined yes. Do I know if I could do it if it were my child I don't know. It's got to be hard having a child like this my sister in law has four kids, daughters are all fine oldest is in college but her son has Autism. He is definitely not "defective".


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[faster]

My cousin God bless him has a Cerebral Palsy child and an Autistic child. He disciplines them both and they are both actually well mannered. Now he doesn't use physical punishment like one would on a normal child but he stops them from a bad behavior and will not let them proceed to anything else until they regain self control. He reinforces proper behaviors and stops bad ones. Both are adolescents now and both exhibit self control as best they can. I understand the an Autistic child really has self control issues and that has to be taken into consideration but she is not allowed to harm anyone or be rude. She must maintain a polite atmosphere as she conducts her behaviors. With the her being polite her eccentricities are not so annoying that one can't tolerate them. I do enjoy visiting them and interacting with them. Of course they love the attention.

Mikey

 

[novaderrik]

one of my younger cousins is autistic- or whatever that thing is called that's almost autistic but not quite.. he's 12 years old, i think.. everyone else just lets him do whatever the hell he wants "because he doesn't know any better" and "can't help the way he is".. i've stopped him from doing some pretty stupid and rude things by simply telling him to not do it and physically taking stuff away from him- when you see a 12 year old kid running around a bunch of parked cars swinging a croquet mallet like a Viking Berserker in the middle of a battle field you don't just watch him do it and say "bless his soul. he's such a precious kid".. you grab the mallet and tell him that he's being an idiot...

i know a few other kids like him, and one thing that they have in common is that none of them have a strong father figure in their lives to guide them, or have fathers that don't spend any time with them or actively avoid them.. i'm not saying that's how it is with every kid like that, but the half a dozen of them that i can think of right off the top of my hand are in that situation.