You still have not answer the .?
I will simply say this because my sins are covered by the forgiveness provided to all by God’s Son.
You really don’t deserve my bio with the way you have insulted me, but since you insist to get an answer here it is. And please, bother me no more whether you give a shit or not.
When I was eight, my nine-year-old sister died. It was sudden, and the death certificate was filled out as “cause of death unknown”, which is very unusual. I was very close to my sister. Childhood was pretty much over. I can post a scanned copy (don’t really want to), as I found it my mother’s bible after she passed away in 2009(my sister died in 1976). Needless to say, things did not get better from there. My Oldman became a heavy(heavier) drinker after that, shocker. My Mother attributes the fact that she did not commit suicide to an encounter with Jesus. I believe she was telling the truth, because if not for her I do not know how things would have ended up for me or my remaining 3 siblings.
By the time I was 12, my Oldman had really started to get out of control. My little brother recounts the time (with totally undeserved admiration because it probably made him feel like there was a stop gap I guess - he was six), about the time we were sitting up stairs, my Oldman was going after my mother, and I had the gun in my lap wondering if I was going to have to shoot him because I thought he was going to kill her(that was the first time I was pushed almost to the brink, but not the last). I also remember having only a 22, and thinking what was I going to do if the first shot did not kill him. The absolute on/off terror persisted for years, and if you remember how long a year felt like as a kid, that should give some context. My Oldman was pretty stout, and if you grew up under that kind of oppressive terror then you know what I am talking about. My mother would like to recount how I was fixing appliances starting at about 11. The motivation for me was what the animal was going to do when he found out something broke.
It started to let up a little after I hit about 15-16 but would rear its ugly head too often.
The thing that finally broke, alpha male domination was when I was 20. One thing I will say for the guy is he was driven, so on top of a full time job, he had a farm as a ”hobby”. Guess who was the slave labor? We went out to do hay on a Friday evening in the summer when I was home from college. We did it the hard way, the bailer dropped square bails on the ground, we drove the flat bed pickmeup to grab them, hand tossed them into loft, then stacked them. The hay was already bailed, so we had to go pick it up and put it in the barn. We put a couple hundred bails away, and I buried him in fucking hay. I don’t know why at the time, but I remember praying God give me strength. After we got home, I went out to party, he was ambulatory. My mother told me that after I left he said “asshole, he is a fucking animal”. He was 42 when I was 20. A few weeks later (because I was fucking crazy) I crashed my car and got a DWI. When he saw me the next day he came at me, I just hunkered down and was like Ok here it comes, it would have been a battle. He hesitated and said just because you can work me into the ground does not mean I can’t kick your ass, thankfully it ended there. I knew.
My young life’s ambition was to be a fighter pilot (missed the mark). I did well in school, but did not care for homework or liberal teachers and classes. Math and Science always seemed easy. I wanted an ROTC scholarship, but did not have all the right boxes checked out of high school. I ended up earning a three year scholarship after my first year of college. When it comes to academics I will say a couple of things just because it fits into the story. My freshman year, one of my friends, who generally got A’s was stressing and working on 2nd semester physics. I was like, don’t stress just read and comprehend the textbook, he blurts out I am not a physics genius like you. I was taken back because I was not trying to make it harder on him and had know idea. Another incident was a third semester calculus class where the professor razed one of the students for falling asleep in class, the student points at me and says what about him you don’t say anything when he falls asleep. The professor said when you can sleep and get an A, I won’t say anything to you. My brain works fine, if you think I am crazy OK, but don’t comment on my brain function. At one point due to life’s turmoil’s, I did not know if I would make it through college, I would have enlisted if that was the case.
I ended up making into the Navy as an officer (should have joined the Marines but was seduced by the thought of an F-14). When I went through flight school, it was after the wall fell and we were in the middle peace dividend and huge cuts. Only about 50% made it through flight school. I had grades good enough for a jet slot, but only the top guy got a jet slot, and only due to tradition. My second choice was helicopters. I flew H-60 Seahawks, then went back to Pensacola to fly T-34s as an instructor. I did not wish for war, thank God none were happening when I got to the fleet, but thought every young man should serve his country, so I did, and had the benefit of getting to fly while doing it. If I ended up in a war it would be nothing less than countless of thousands had done before.
I have lived in numerous states, and moved to Texas when I got out of the Navy in 2000. My Oldman invited me to move back to NY and live on a property he was buying back in 2004, I felt like it was what God wanted me to do. I did it. I will say I experienced the hardest time in my life. I can’t explain why, not that anyone would understand if I tried, but it was very personal. I moved me and my 3 kids back(my fourth was born here), I left my job to do it. I had a string of unsavory jobs, including a period of unemployment (for me was brutal), and I felt like I got suckered because my Oldman was still the same (I ended up with the best job of my life in the end). After a few years(and trials), he ended up writing me a letter, asking for forgiveness. Of course I told him he was forgiven, and he acted like a man unchained after that. I knew why I had come home(to Yankee land). Six months later he was diagnosed with cancer, nine months later my mother was diagnosed with cancer, in the middle of them my grandfather who was still alive fell and ended up in a nursing home, and six month later my grandmother fell and ended up in the same nursing home. After that my mother, my grandfather, my father, then my grandmother all passed away in that order between 2009 and 2010. I had siblings to help(and they did thank God), but if I was not here it would have been a much worse. I knew.
Now two of my kids are on their own, one in college and one in high school. I am married to the mother of all my kids and the wife of my youth to this day, and lover her dearly. I would sacrifice everything for my kids and wife, and my dying wish is for my kids to look back and say, “damn my Oldman was a great guy, he did right by me”. What did I give back to my country, four great kids, the future, so long as a bunch of scum don’t steal it.
