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ChrisCairns

Senior Member
Joined
May 24, 2001
Messages
2,197
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amuck inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving tyke was Ms. Robertson's son.

(Fabricated.)

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran his hand over with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice someone was at the wheel of the car whose hubcap he was trying to steal.

(Fabricated.)

Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Penn., was exiting a house he finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up because the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, so Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. Dickson sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars and change.

(Fabricated.)

Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in yard, as was Mr. Williams. The award was less than sought after because the jury felt the dog may have been provoked by Mr. Williams who, at the time, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

(Fabricated.)

A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

(Fabricated.)

Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a nightclub in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

(Fabricated.)

In November 2000, Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32 foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having joined the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the Winnie left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the handbook that he could not actually do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago.

(Fabricated.)

And just so you know that cooler heads do occasionally prevail: Kenmore Inc., the makers of Dorothy Johnson's microwave, were found not liable for the death of Mrs. Johnson's poodle after she gave it a bath and attempted to dry it by putting the poor creature in her microwave for, "just a few minutes, on low," The case was quickly dismissed.

(Fabricated from a very old urban legend!)
 
In the news last week, Chris Cairns, B.S., PhD, F.U. of Washington has unraveled the final mysteries behind string theory. String is the term given to the resonating energy theorized to exist at a sub-atomic level, roughly 1/billionth the size of an electron. These are the building blocks for everything in the known universe.
With his discoveries, Mr. Cairns was able to successfully generate a wormhole and actually travel back in time, to roughly 50 years ago; back when he was still in his prime. Utilizing his new technology, his 1987 Buick Turbo T has accelerated from a pathetic 17 second elapsed time in the quarter mile, to an amazing -17 second E.T. In other words, before his unsuspecting competitor has completed their burnout, Chris is appearing at the traps.
When asked about his outstanding achievent and likely Nobel prize, Chris simply replied "I'ze tired of being da slo cahr!"

(This story is DEFINITELY fabricated!)
 
you forgot the hookers and blow............and the child support payments
 
I hate those things, people at work repeat them as if they were the God honest truth


Dont forget the guy that strapped Jato Rockets to his car and went out to the salt flats (fabricated)

and the one I love to dispell here "Mr Rogers was a Marine Corps sniper in vietnam with tons of tatoos on his arms thats why he wears those sweaters"

He had nothing to do with the military, he was a presbyterian minister
 
What about the dog, the Expedition, the dynamite and the ice story...

Or the 'left in the bathtub of ice after his/her kidneys were stolen'...

My favorite--Bill Gates and AOHELL giving away money to beta-test a chain letter?

And then there's AMWAY! :eek: (true!!)
 
Originally posted by granatl
In the news last week, Chris Cairns, B.S., PhD, F.U. of Washington has unraveled the final mysteries behind string theory. String is the term given to the resonating energy theorized to exist at a sub-atomic level, roughly 1/billionth the size of an electron. These are the building blocks for everything in the known universe.
With his discoveries, Mr. Cairns was able to successfully generate a wormhole and actually travel back in time, to roughly 50 years ago; back when he was still in his prime. Utilizing his new technology, his 1987 Buick Turbo T has accelerated from a pathetic 17 second elapsed time in the quarter mile, to an amazing -17 second E.T. In other words, before his unsuspecting competitor has completed their burnout, Chris is appearing at the traps.
When asked about his outstanding achievent and likely Nobel prize, Chris simply replied "I'ze tired of being da slo cahr!"

(This story is DEFINITELY fabricated!)

Jack my son,

I can't think of anything to say right now, but don't forget to grab mom and meet me at the airport this morning. Arrival time 9:30 or so. Bring beer and some hookers.
 
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