My engagement went down the tubes!

[GnTooFast4u]

I have known the girl of my life for 5 yrs and for the last 1yr we have been engaged to get married. Well ever since then we have had our little battles. Like most relationships do. Well all of a sudden she started saying that I have hurt her alot. Reason for that comment was I never really expressed my feelings to her. I showed her love/car/respect.I never yelled or hit her or even emotionally assualted her. But she also said she did alot of things she didn't feel like doing to make me happy. Then she comes out with you have been liying to me, about yourself. You dont let me know what ur feeling and u put on a front to cover it up but I can see it in your eyes. Then I was working two jobs to buy her a nice ring. But that made things worse. She would complain about you never spend time with me. Or like you never wanted to do anything. Sometimes I did sometimes I didn't. I always gave her the most I could give her. And she did the same. I was happy with it but she wasn't happy. Then one night she got really mad at me cause I didn't want to do anything. And you know how woman are they blow things out of porportion. So she gets mad and upset and talks to a so called "friend" heavy heavy drug addict/co worker and she goes screw him. She didn't really listen to her cause she stuck around for a while more. Then one night she goes its over I cant take it anymore. I dont love you anymore and get the fu&* out of my life. Didn't even get a chance to talk it out. We havent talked alot in a month. But yesterday night we talked for about an hour on the phone and she says she misses me and it makes her sad seeing me cause she thinks of all the issues we had. Then after I said I have gotten over the fact we arent togethor anymore but I'm still not over you. My love for u isn't a light switch, I just cant flip my love off and on, my love isn't like that! You have been the best thing that has happen to me. and my love for you has taken on a brand new meaning,And you are the owner of my heart. And then she goes do u think I'm over you. Do you think I dont have feeling for you. Then she goes I had to keep some of my dignity so I left. And I go you got what u have wanted " I let her know what I felt and thought, my deep thoughts and feelings" then she goes well it was too late. Guys I dont know what to do anymore. I love this woman to death and she means the world to me. And it shocked to see that something so great "our love" ended up here. What should I do or say to win her back. Or to realize we both were acting dumb. And not ruin something so nice. Its driving me crazy. And everysince we broke up she's been drinking and hanging out with the wrong crowed and I tell her not to but she says its her life stay the f out. So I quit saying that. But what the hell is going on with her? Is it worth my time/pain/heart? What the hell should I do? I'm so confused! Should I just leave her alone? What should I do? What would be the best thing to do? Any help or support will be needed and appreciated.

Allan
Ps: Why is she doing this?

 

[Two Lane]

It's easy to see you are in the early "hurricane-of hurt" stage following the ending of a relationship.

Not much makes sense to you about this right now...and maybe never will.

For now, you've got to pick yourself up, say to yourself "That's just the way it is", and stay busy with everything else in your life.

At this point, don't bother asking "Why?". You're hurting enough right now without banging your head on the wall.

The "Whys" will perhaps become clearer later. They may not even seem important then, or there could be insight/wisdom out of this experience that will be of terrific benefit to you for the rest of your life. All of that will come later, and you can't rush it.
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Tomorrow, seek out the people in your life that you respect the most, look up to, and admire. Discuss the situation with them,and open up your ears, head and heart to their suggestions.

Remember they care for you, so trust their judgement as to what is best for you...they are very likely seeing the "big-picture" better than you can right now.

Walk tall, speak as a gentleman, conduct yourself in an honorable manner, practice the Golden Rule...and life will take care of itself.
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Look up, board-brother...much better days are ahead!

 

[Quick6'n'-K.C.]

well, YOU seem to have a level head on your shoulders, and she is the one going out and drinking screwing some joe dirte'

ive been through alot of "stupid biatch" relationships, and i cant stand anymore! she is immature and only feels comfortable with you because of the TIME you have spent together

im sure you do love here with all your heart, and really want to be back with her- but that is bad news because she left you because of her own problems- and doesnt want a commitment!

just go out and start dating again, and after 4-5 girls she really wont be on the top of your mind all the time-

she sounds like your highschool sweetheart, but im telling you from experiance-

if she left you, LEAVE HER FOR GOOD and find another fish in the sea-

how old are you by the way? 18-20?

Find another and you will be happy

 

[xrunner123]

I hate to say it, but what is meant to be will be. If all was right , you shouldn't have to do anything but be yourself.

If this all happened all of a sudden, most likely these feelings she has had just built up over the years and now she just exploded.

Don't ask why. Spool it up and date others.

 

[Two Lane]

THIS BOOK HAS HELPED A LOT OF FELLOWS UNDERSTAND SIMILAR SITUATIONS

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...3/sr=2-1/103-7109926-6739038?v=glance&s=books
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Keep in mind that someday you may see that you have been spared far greater grief later on.
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Decide right now you deserve nothing less than a genuine co-partner in life that can care equally for you.

Right now, just focus on taking responsibilty for taking excellent care of Y-O-U, bro'!!

You own only you! Be good to you!

 

[KEVINS]

I'm not going to 'sugar coat a dog turd' and I say- Move On.
It sounds like the both of you are young (at least mentally) and need to find yourselves. Guys seem to do it better than women because we have hobbies that keep us occupied but maybe she needs to rediscover who she 'wants to be' and what kind of life she wants. It has nothing to do with you despite what she may say.
Move on, my friend..

Best regards..
ks

 

[Taffy]

From your profile, you should be around 18 years old. It really sucks when things like this happens. Most of the time you do not know why it happened, and continue to wonder. Some things "just happen" and you will never find the reason why.

Do not beat yourself up over it. Let her go her way and you go yours.

You still have a good 80 years of life to find another girl.

Live life to the fullest while you can and do not let things get you down.

ERIC.

 

[bandwidthpolice]

I could have written the same story 22 years ago with no changes and it would have described as exactly what I went through. What does this mean? It means that after alot of beating myself up, I started dating again, being single, and just getting on with my life. Don't get me wrong, it was painful. But time really does heal all wounds. However, I had to grow up and do some changing to myself.

I'm willing to bet that you are a quiet guy who is plenty happy doing what you like to do first and spending time with your girlfriend comes second. Sure, you spend the money and on the inside probably do care about her. From what you wrote, you're not letting those feelings come out in your actions and she doesn't think you are as commited to her as you may very well be. Women deep down don't want their time wasted any more than you want yours wasted. If you don't outwardly show her that she is a huge part of your life (meaning more important than anything else, outside of your immediate family, on an emotional level), then she is going to leave you and wait for someone who will feel that way about her.

Personally, I think things are beyond repair. You might be able to make up for a little while but the damage has cut deeply into her and you'll never really undo it. She'll always think in the back of her mind that you will go back to the same behavior she doesn't like. My advice is to just let it go even though it really hurts right now. Call her or go see her one last time and tell her you agree that even though there was once something there. It'll suck, but in the end she'll respect you for it I guarantee it. She'll probably even want you back initially when you say that because even women don't like to lose. Resist this at all costs; go talk to your friends, get drunk, etc. Don't cave in!

Ask another girl out. If the next one likes you enough to keep seeing you, practice giving more of yourself to her emotionally. She will be your stepping stone to learning how guy/girl relationships work. You got to talk to her and show you care without smothering her to death. It's like walking a tightrope. Too much one way or the other and down you go. You don't have to like everything she does, but if you don't like at least half the stuff she does then she's the wrong one too. It isn't easy but when the right one comes along, you'll know it because you won't have to try so hard. You'll really want to spend time with her and share your feelings. And she'll want to spend time with you too.

There's alot of good looking nice women in TX. You got a real opportunity here to change yourself and be someone that women will just fall all over. Get going and good luck!

 

[JCotton]

Sounds familiar...... was her name Doreen......

Allen, there isn't much I can say, that hasn't already been said. But reading your 1st post brought back my memories of 2 years ago, I didn't think I would survive, nothing mattered to me for about 6 months. The women I thought I would spend my life with walked out on me with absolutely no warning. I too worked day and nite to give her all that I could...... it wasn't good enough. Today I thank God it ended, for I am with a better woman than she was ever capable of being. But, it still hurts, I still have my moments, it will get better for you. You just have to move on, live life, take baby steps if you have to, but by all means, learn from this.
Good luck and trust it will get better than you imagined, you need to keep the faith and move on with your life. Stick close to the people who care and love you, those were the ones that carried me when I couldn't carry myself.

 

[bruce]

Life is way to short, don't waste it.
It in and of it's self is what matters, you'll have lots of good and bad days.

Best advise I was every given when something like,
Always have short and long term goals.
If you have a partner in life then have short and long term goals with and without them.
Don't build your life around someone else.

Take a day off, go for a long walk, cry if you feel that you should. Get it out of your system and get on with life. It's too neat of thing to not enjoy.

 

[Pat Adkins]

Print out two lanes replys and keep copies of that in your wallet to help you get thru this. All things happen for a reason I went thru the same thing 10 years ago and now I know why. The girl who hurt me isn't 1/2 the woman my wife is (the other replies are similar situations same end results).

 

[TR Custom Parts]

Two Lanes replies say it all. Just be thankful you weren't married! Would sure be a lot more complicated. Hang in there and find someone else.

 

[choppers4life]

god grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference.

 

[whitehot84]

First and foremost remember, "women are like busses. You get off this one and in about 20 minutes there will be another one along." Texas is full of beautiful women go enjoy yourself.

 

[GNSCOTT]

This has been my observation over the years. Don't know if it applies here, but it could be a reason.When a woman starts to like another guy and wants to end it, she doesn't want to seem shallow so she sabotages the relationship. She will try to make you break it up, or she'll just start petty arguments to make you both miserable

 

[RealFastV6]

Originally posted by GNSCOTT
This has been my observation over the years. Don't know if it applies here, but it could be a reason.When a woman starts to like another guy and wants to end it, she doesn't want to seem shallow so she sabotages the relationship. She will try to make you break it up, or she'll just start petty arguments to make you both miserable

I dont doubt it, thats what Ive done to girls.... er... i mean... no... i mean... yeah i've heard that same thing... yeah...

 

[The Radius Kid]

She sounds like the insecure/high maintainance type.
Move on to better things.

 

[Sinister86]

im 18 and broke up with a girl i had been dating for about a year and a half. first serious relationship. it was about the nastiest break up ive seen anywhere, (even had to call the cops once when she came to my house and acted suicidal running around the neigborhood) the only way to get over a situation like that is to think... hummm i had sumthin she wasnt getting anymore that made her go whack now shes following me to the same college in savannah georgia from here in columbus ohio. fatal attraction? YES. just be happy you dont have the stalker type.

 

[VADER]

I haven't read other peoples posts, but you should dump her. A "nice" girl wouldn't do that to you.

 

[Lhorn]

GNScott took the words right outta my mouth. Things were great for a few years and all of a sudden "you've changed." Suddenly there is everything in the world wrong with you.... Maybe she wants out and blaming it on you makes it easier for her to sleep at night. Anyway, there's not much you can do about it. Don't try to change for her. It won't work. If she wants you back, I'd advise against it. Move on.