Divorce threads raise questions

[Pablo]

Ive been reading these divorce threads and man, I dont want to end up in that situation.

Thing is, I'm 25, coming up on 26 and call me a fag or whatever but I find myself longing for companionship, a girl to come home to and all that mess.

I have an ex who is 28 and she was itching to get married to me, not for dependency or anything she was finishing up her masters, we had a good thing while it lasted but it moved way too fast I guess and burnt itself out. Anyhow Ive been thinking about her often and at the time I thought we werent compatible but since then ive seen other girls and it seems like the more I date the less I know what I want.

I used to have this idealized picture of what I wanted and now I have less and less of that as days go on I think I want a little of this a little of that but its like a bunch of checks and balances, something in one area makes up for another.

So how do you know which is The One.. or is there no such thing and you just get marred to one of The Ones that seems to be allright and hope for the best??

 

[blackbird]

FAG!!!

just kidding hey ive been married 15 years and its sucked!! i bet theres plenty of guys out there thatll say that the past 15 years were wonderful. it depends on you. if youre going to miss hanging out at a buddys garage and bangin his 18 year old cousin, then marriage isnt for you. on the other hand if you like going to craft shows and picking out drapes then go for it. the only thing i miss about being single is being free to do what i want. when i got married i made a commitment and even though it sucks most of the time, i stick to my commitments. the day she decides to leave on her own is the day that i wont stop her. its better than running her through a wood chipper.

 

[iamjeff]

wow, i dont know if i feel better or worse about marriage after reading blackbirds post. lol. probably worse...yeah.

-jeff

 

[BUICKTR]

Pablo

You need to do what will be best for you. I know good friends of mine that got married young and divorce a few years later and I have some that are still with their wives. In my case, when I was in my early to mid 20's I was having to much fun being single. It is weird because after I turned 26 I felt a need to settle down. I did that and I been married since then to my wife. Going on 8 years now and couple of kids. I enjoy coming home to see them and my Buick. Point is that some of us are ready to marry in our early 20's and some like to party and be single until you are past 30's. You will know when the time is right.

 

[TR Custom Parts]

Re: FAG!!!

Originally posted by blackbird
its better than running her through a wood chipper.

Hey, that's divorce CT style. We actually had a guy do that around here a few years ago. They actually convicted him on a piece of DNA found in the river where he had the woodchipper aimed!

 

[GNeric]

I've been married 13 years and she was a friend since the first day of high school ('83). I got to know her as a person/party pal and we finally hooked up in '90. I play guitar and when we first started dating, she would not want me to leave her alone at home and I told her that I was going to do what I wanted and she could come with ME if she wanted. My music and my cars came first at the time. Now those friends moved away and I still play but it's now out in my shop. I didn't drop everything for her. It's give and take. I don't think there is going to be the perfect girl out there. There is always a front put on when dating and it wears off after a while and the real person comes out. Just have to work it out.

 

[dhjenkins]

The perfect woman is the one that's perfect for YOU, and it all depends on what you want.

Just a couple tips from my experience:

A "10" (on looks) is usually a 5 in brains or personality and will turn you into a jealous doormat. Make no mistake - pretty girls KNOW they're pretty and will almost always be high maintenance.

Strippers are ALL crazy. ALL of them. Yes, even the ones "working for college money". They're great for sex, but in the name of all creatures big and small, do NOT get in a long term relationship with one.

You can't fit a square peg in a round hole. If you don't get along, you don't get along - it's as simple as that.

Avoid women that don't work - they don't know the value of a dollar and won't appreciate the crap YOU have to go through to earn it.

Recognize the difference between loving the person and loving the IDEA of loving the person; this is especially dangerous for people looking for a relationship.

There's a fine line between a woman who's refreshingly honest and a woman who's just a b*tch... Most of the time, that line has been crossed.

Crudeness in a woman is funny at first...but it gets really old really fast.

"She's not that bad" is not the same as "she's wonderful".

Would you "settle" for a 13.0 quarter mile if all you needed was a little more time and effort to get an 11.0? Then don't settle on your choice of mates.

If you do find someone wonderful, don't take them for granted.

Lastly, if you find yourself in a bad relationship, be a man, admit your mistake and move on before you no longer have the balls to.

And yes, I'm married and could not be happier.

 

[Reaper]

Strippers are ALL crazy. ALL of them. Yes, even the ones "working for college money". They're great for sex, but in the name of all creatures big and small, do NOT get in a long term relationship with one.



AINT THAT THE TRUTH!



twas fun though!


actully your ENTIRE post is true.

 

[zam70]

When I finally realized I wanted to get married and settle down, I made a list of what I wanted in a wife.

Just like shopping for a car, you know what you want but you have to be realistic and think long term.
Also think of it as finding a partner in/for life...

Here's my list:

-at least 27 yrs old (I was 32)
-have a kid(s) (I had kids)
-have a job
-have their own car
-live on their own (w/room mate is ok)
-not a party girl

When I met a lady, I would quickly assess if they met everything on the list. If they failed even one requirement, I would not waste any more time or money on them...

Within 3 weeks, I had met 3 wonderful ladys, 2 fit perfectly, the 3rd was kind of a bitch (bye bye #3)....as you get to know them, you figure out if you're compatible and if the "spark" is there.

If after 6 months of dating, and you don't want to marry them, dump them and move on...what the hell are you going to learn after 6 months about someone (usually you'll know within 3 if you're honest with your self)? AND, they usually don't change....so don't kid your self.

After a period of time, I narrowed it down to one and married her - I haven't regretted it for one second. It is absolutely the best thing i've ever done in my life.

People who are unhappy in marriage made one of three mistakes (sometimes all!)
*They got married for the wrong reason
*They married before they were ready
*They picked the wrong person to marry.

If your wife is wrong person for you - it's all your fault - you picked her! Just keep that in mind...

 

[tta1401]

Originally posted by dhjenkins
The perfect woman is the one that's perfect for YOU, and it all depends on what you want.

Just a couple tips from my experience:

A "10" (on looks) is usually a 5 in brains or personality and will turn you into a jealous doormat. Make no mistake - pretty girls KNOW they're pretty and will almost always be high maintenance.

Strippers are ALL crazy. ALL of them. Yes, even the ones "working for college money". They're great for sex, but in the name of all creatures big and small, do NOT get in a long term relationship with one.

You can't fit a square peg in a round hole. If you don't get along, you don't get along - it's as simple as that.

Avoid women that don't work - they don't know the value of a dollar and won't appreciate the crap YOU have to go through to earn it.

Recognize the difference between loving the person and loving the IDEA of loving the person; this is especially dangerous for people looking for a relationship.

There's a fine line between a woman who's refreshingly honest and a woman who's just a b*tch... Most of the time, that line has been crossed.

Crudeness in a woman is funny at first...but it gets really old really fast.

"She's not that bad" is not the same as "she's wonderful".

Would you "settle" for a 13.0 quarter mile if all you needed was a little more time and effort to get an 11.0? Then don't settle on your choice of mates.

If you do find someone wonderful, don't take them for granted.

Lastly, if you find yourself in a bad relationship, be a man, admit your mistake and move on before you no longer have the balls to.

And yes, I'm married and could not be happier.

I really like that advice. My ex-fiance left me because she couldn't handle me being away all of the time and I told her that she should have known that I would be gone and then she left me. I begged and pleaded for her to just understand that I will be back home and she wouldn't listen. Well, I now think about it and for me, I just now tell myself that if she can't respect me and can't handle it, then she ain't the one for me. I will tell you what, it was hard for me to handle when she told me and being so damn far away, I felt like I was lost and nobody here to help. For me I just want to settle down but I have to tell myself that I just can't go for the first woman that wants me and being in the military, lemme tell you that it is tough to find somebody that will actually understand and stand by you NO MATTER WHAT! Yea, you can get alot of arse but that is just not me anymore. Alot of things go through your head like if she is being faithful and all that jazz, especially all of the things I hear about their wives leaving them or cheating on them just because we are away. It can literally ruin ones self in a heartbeat just thinking like that. Sorry, I am just rambling on because I guess I am still hurt. Just a quick history on this girl, I went to the desert and we broke up. I got back and after a couple of months, we started talking again when she had a boyfriend and we worked things out and then started dating again but it was a long distance thing but things were good. Then I got hit w/ orders to Korea and we decided to get engaged and after a couple months being here, she broke up because neither of us were handling it very well. I came back home on mid-tour and we talked again and got back together and my mid-tour was up and had to come back to Korea. A month later, she broke up w/ me. Well, she actually had a stripper call her and I pretty much told her to have the respect and tell this guy to stop because I really didn't like it. Well she didn't like me telling her what to do and then we broke up again. Well, now that I haven't talked to her in a few months, I am about ready to end my tour here and I am trying so hard not to talk to her when I get back. I know in my heart that this stripper thing didn't go anywhere because I know she isn't like that but in my mind I always think that she did do something w/ this dude. My heart tells me to call her when I get back but I know I shoudln't. What should I do, follow my heart or just not do it? This had been one shi##y year! Sorry, didn't mean to make this so long but obviously I am still pretty hurt. And didn't mean to make this so confusing either because I just read it but I also don't feel like changing it.

 

[dhjenkins]

History is bound to repeat itself, so just ask yourself if you want more of what you've already gotten - because that's all you're gonna get.

Your heart will tell itself what it wants to hear - it's up to your brain to decide whats BEST for you.

 

[smokin'6]

First, wait till you get a bit older and really figure out what you want in life. Secondly, I'd live together for awhile, nothing compares to living with someone to find out how compatible you two are together.

 

[bruce]

Originally posted by Pablo
So how do you know which is The One.. or is there no such thing and you just get marred to one of The Ones that seems to be allright and hope for the best??

There is no way to forcast how someone might be years down the road. You need to have some flexibility in what you want, and maintain that. People change. Bring a child into the world, and things can change incredibly.
IMO, before worring about being in Love with someone, you need to be friends will them first. *Some* define friends as someone your willing to lay your life down to protect, AND them lay down their life to protect you. When and if you find a gal that would be your friend by that deifiniton, you'll know it, and it'll probably last. Note the word probably. People can change, and sometimes evolve into a complete stranger.

 

[dhjenkins]

He's right - I knew my wife in a friendship-only capacity for 12 years before we dated and then married...

 

[klrv6]

My wife of 10 great years

Mine understands that I love cars. I always come home to find my shop towels washed and folded, waiting for me on a shelf She even had fun at NATs last year!!

 

[iamjeff]

i guess it depends on your definition of the perfect woman. if "perfect" is someone who has no personality and will just follow you around like a puppy wherever you go...then that will probably be pretty hard to find. all i want is a girl who will be able to enjoy doing some of the things that i like with me(car shows,racing,etc.),and i will do some of the things that she likes.

-jeff

 

[bruce]

Originally posted by dhjenkins
He's right - I knew my wife in a friendship-only capacity for 12 years before we dated and then married...

Knew mine for 8, married for 5 (marvelous) years, and it was over in less then a minute (for me). I could write a novel about what was right about it all, and in a sentence, what went wrong. Friendship is a two way street, and when the other side of it wants to end it, it's over, IMO.

 

[Micah]

Originally posted by smokin'6
I'd live together for awhile, nothing compares to living with someone to find out how compatible you two are together.

In my opinion, Huge mistake. If you pick anybody in the world and live with that person, you're gonna have disagreements, have fights, and dislike eachother at any given time. It can escelate into a seperation very easily. Marraige gives you at least something to work it out for. If you're simply living together, what's the point of staying together if the fight is that bad?

To me, divorce is not an option except in cases of infidelity. I found a girl who shares the same sentiment. What else could possibly be so bad that neither one of you can work on what ever problems you have. The both of you can change and grow as people together. I used to annoy my then girlfriend to death sometimes. When that was brought to my attention and I was aware of when I was doing it, I could control it. And vice versa. You just can't be too prideful and stubborn.
But take all this with a grain of salt as I have not been married for very long.

 

[Fakeyankee]

I was almost in the same situation. Mid twentys, overseas off and on, relationship that really had no foundation to stand on. All I can say by my personal experiance........Don't have a serious relationship while in the military !! Wait until you are more grounded in the civilian life.......then you can start making the right choices without Uncle Sam throwing you a curveball every 6 months. If you plan on a long term military career....then things will be much more difficult for you. It's hard to find a woman who can understand the military and the seperations you have to endure. Yes , there are some out there but few and far between. I said the hell with it......sow my wild oats while I could, Dropped the relation ship that was messing with my head, and waited until I got out of the service. After 2 years of getting back to civilian life...I found the woman who was right for me. We have been married 22 years, have 4 sons, and 1 grandson. We now have the time to be with each other more since the boys are older and I find that life is good and all is well in my world. I wish you luck Bud !!!
Darrell.

 

[Pronto]

I'm convinced you have be friends first before you think about love.