Why We Love Children
>
> 1._ A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd
> found a cat, but it was dead.
> "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked
> her pupil.
> "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,"
> answered the child
> innocently.
> You did WHAT ?_ !_ ?" the teacher exclaimed in
> surprise.
> "You know, "explained the boy, "I leaned over and
> went 'Pssst!' and it
> didn't move."
>
> 2._ A small boy is sent to bed by his father._ Five
> minutes
> later....."Da-ad...."
> "What?"
> "I'm thirsty._ Can you bring drink of water?"
> "No, You had your chance._ Lights out."
> Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
> "WHAT?"
> "I'm THIRSTY._ Can I have a drink of water??"
> I told you NO!_ If you ask again, I'll have to
> spank you!!"
> Five minutes later......"Daaaaaaaad....."
> "WHAT!"
> "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a
> drink of water?"
>
> 3._ An exasperated mother, whose son was always
> getting into mischief,
> finally asked him "How do you expect to get into
> Heaven?"
> The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run
> in and out and in and out
> and keep slamming the door until St.
> Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or
> stay out!'"
>
> 4._ One summer evening during a violent
> thunderstorm a mother was tucking
> her son into bed._ She was about to turn off the
> light when he asked with a
> tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me
> tonight?" The mother
> smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
> "I can't dear," she said._ "I have to sleep in
> Daddy's room."
> A long silence was broken at last by his shaky
> little voice:_ "The big
> sissy."
>
> 5.._ It was that time, during the Sunday morning
> service, for the children's
> sermon._ All the children were invited to come
> forward._ One little girl was
> wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat
> down, the pastor leaned
> over and said, "That is a very pretty dress._ Is it
> your Easter Dress?"
> The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's
> clip-on microphone,
> "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
>
> 6._ When I was six months pregnant with my third
> child, my three year old
> came into the room when I was just getting ready to
> get into the shower.
> She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
> I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby
> growing in her tummy"
> "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your
> butt?"
>
> 7._ A little boy was doing his math homework._ He
> said to himself, "Two plus
> five, that son of a bitch is seven.
> Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
> His mother heard what he was saying and gasped,
> "What are you doing?"
> The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math
> homework, Mom."
> "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?"
> the mother asked.
> "Yes," he answered.
> Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next
> day, "What are you
> teaching my son in math?"
> The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning
> addition."
> The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say
> two plus two, that son
> of a bitch is four?"
> After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
> "What I taught them was,
> two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
>
> 8._ One day the first grade teacher was reading the
> story of Chicken Little
> to her class._ She came to the part of the story
> where Chicken Little tried
> to warn the farmer._ She read, "...._ and so
> Chicken Little went up to the
> farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is
> falling!"
> The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what
> do you think that farmer
> said?"
> One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think
> he said: ' Holy ****!_ A
> talking chicken!'"
> The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10
> minutes.
>
> 9._ A certain little girl, when asked her name,
> would reply, "I'm Mr.
> Sugarbrown's daughter."
> Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say,
> "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
> The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
> "Aren't you Mr.
> Sugarbrown's daughter?"
> She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm
> not."
>
> 10._ A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go
> outside and play with the
> boys?"
> Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the
> boys, they're too rough."
> The little girl thought about it for a few moments
> and asked, "If I can find
> a smooth one, can I play with him?"
>
> 11._ A little girl goes to the barber shop with her
> father._ She stands next
> to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair
> cut, eating a snack cake.
> The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna
> get hair on your Twinkie."
> She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs
> too."
> Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to
> someone else!!
>
> 1._ A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd
> found a cat, but it was dead.
> "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked
> her pupil.
> "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,"
> answered the child
> innocently.
> You did WHAT ?_ !_ ?" the teacher exclaimed in
> surprise.
> "You know, "explained the boy, "I leaned over and
> went 'Pssst!' and it
> didn't move."
>
> 2._ A small boy is sent to bed by his father._ Five
> minutes
> later....."Da-ad...."
> "What?"
> "I'm thirsty._ Can you bring drink of water?"
> "No, You had your chance._ Lights out."
> Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
> "WHAT?"
> "I'm THIRSTY._ Can I have a drink of water??"
> I told you NO!_ If you ask again, I'll have to
> spank you!!"
> Five minutes later......"Daaaaaaaad....."
> "WHAT!"
> "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a
> drink of water?"
>
> 3._ An exasperated mother, whose son was always
> getting into mischief,
> finally asked him "How do you expect to get into
> Heaven?"
> The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run
> in and out and in and out
> and keep slamming the door until St.
> Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or
> stay out!'"
>
> 4._ One summer evening during a violent
> thunderstorm a mother was tucking
> her son into bed._ She was about to turn off the
> light when he asked with a
> tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me
> tonight?" The mother
> smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
> "I can't dear," she said._ "I have to sleep in
> Daddy's room."
> A long silence was broken at last by his shaky
> little voice:_ "The big
> sissy."
>
> 5.._ It was that time, during the Sunday morning
> service, for the children's
> sermon._ All the children were invited to come
> forward._ One little girl was
> wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat
> down, the pastor leaned
> over and said, "That is a very pretty dress._ Is it
> your Easter Dress?"
> The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's
> clip-on microphone,
> "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
>
> 6._ When I was six months pregnant with my third
> child, my three year old
> came into the room when I was just getting ready to
> get into the shower.
> She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
> I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby
> growing in her tummy"
> "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your
> butt?"
>
> 7._ A little boy was doing his math homework._ He
> said to himself, "Two plus
> five, that son of a bitch is seven.
> Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
> His mother heard what he was saying and gasped,
> "What are you doing?"
> The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math
> homework, Mom."
> "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?"
> the mother asked.
> "Yes," he answered.
> Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next
> day, "What are you
> teaching my son in math?"
> The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning
> addition."
> The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say
> two plus two, that son
> of a bitch is four?"
> After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
> "What I taught them was,
> two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
>
> 8._ One day the first grade teacher was reading the
> story of Chicken Little
> to her class._ She came to the part of the story
> where Chicken Little tried
> to warn the farmer._ She read, "...._ and so
> Chicken Little went up to the
> farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is
> falling!"
> The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what
> do you think that farmer
> said?"
> One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think
> he said: ' Holy ****!_ A
> talking chicken!'"
> The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10
> minutes.
>
> 9._ A certain little girl, when asked her name,
> would reply, "I'm Mr.
> Sugarbrown's daughter."
> Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say,
> "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
> The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
> "Aren't you Mr.
> Sugarbrown's daughter?"
> She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm
> not."
>
> 10._ A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go
> outside and play with the
> boys?"
> Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the
> boys, they're too rough."
> The little girl thought about it for a few moments
> and asked, "If I can find
> a smooth one, can I play with him?"
>
> 11._ A little girl goes to the barber shop with her
> father._ She stands next
> to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair
> cut, eating a snack cake.
> The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna
> get hair on your Twinkie."
> She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs
> too."
> Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to
> someone else!!
