malibuick231
Member
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2002
- Messages
- 724
> One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot
> > as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she
> > asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I
> > bought you last year!"
> > And that's how the fight started.....
> > ************************************************************
> > My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?" I replied
> > "Dust".
> > And that's how the fight started.....
> > ************************************************************
> > A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
> > happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I
> > look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
> > The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
> > And that's how the fight started.....
> > ************************************************************
> > My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
> > She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3
> > seconds. 'I bought her a scale.
> > And that's how the fight started.....
> > ****** ******************************************************
> > I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'
> > It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
> > 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
> > So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
> > And that's when the fight started....
> > ************************************************************
> > My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
> > in bed, I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
> > 'No,' she answered.
> > I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
> > She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
> > So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
> > And that's when the fight started....
> > ************************************************************
> > When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
> > expensive. So, I took her to a gas station.
> > And that's when the fight started.....
> > ************************************************************
> > I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
> > Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer
> > would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
> > And that's when the fight started.....
> > ************************************************************
> > My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
> > kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at
> > a nearby table.
> > My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> > 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
> > drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
> > hasn't been sober since.'
> > 'My God!' says my wife. 'Who would think a person could go on
> > celebrating that long?'
> > And that's when the fight started.....
> > **************************************************************
> > I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
> > and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
> > You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things
> > just seem funny?
> > Yeah, well I couldn't believe it. He was a DWARF!!!
> > He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
> > HAPPY!!!'
> > So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
> > And that's when the fight started.....
> > ************************************************************
> > I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
> > order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
> > He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
> > 'Nah, she can order for herself.'
> > And that's when the fight started.....
>
>
>
> > as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she
> > asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I
> > bought you last year!"
> > And that's how the fight started.....
> > ************************************************************
> > My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?" I replied
> > "Dust".
> > And that's how the fight started.....
> > ************************************************************
> > A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
> > happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I
> > look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
> > The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
> > And that's how the fight started.....
> > ************************************************************
> > My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
> > She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3
> > seconds. 'I bought her a scale.
> > And that's how the fight started.....
> > ****** ******************************************************
> > I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'
> > It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
> > 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
> > So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
> > And that's when the fight started....
> > ************************************************************
> > My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
> > in bed, I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
> > 'No,' she answered.
> > I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
> > She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
> > So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
> > And that's when the fight started....
> > ************************************************************
> > When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
> > expensive. So, I took her to a gas station.
> > And that's when the fight started.....
> > ************************************************************
> > I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
> > Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer
> > would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
> > And that's when the fight started.....
> > ************************************************************
> > My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
> > kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at
> > a nearby table.
> > My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> > 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
> > drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
> > hasn't been sober since.'
> > 'My God!' says my wife. 'Who would think a person could go on
> > celebrating that long?'
> > And that's when the fight started.....
> > **************************************************************
> > I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
> > and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
> > You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things
> > just seem funny?
> > Yeah, well I couldn't believe it. He was a DWARF!!!
> > He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
> > HAPPY!!!'
> > So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
> > And that's when the fight started.....
> > ************************************************************
> > I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
> > order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
> > He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
> > 'Nah, she can order for herself.'
> > And that's when the fight started.....
>
>
>
