More Military humor

[Junior Samples]

Three U.S. soldiers were on a Special Ops mission deep in the jungles of South America. The three man team consisted of one Marine, one Navy SEAL, and one Army Ranger. The team was on patrol and was captured by a band of headhunters. The headhunters took the team back to the village to stand trial for trespassing on sacred grounds.


The three men were tied up and placed in the middle of the village to be questioned by the chief headhunter. The first to be questioned was the Marine.


"You have been found guilty of trespassing and will be executed. We will use your skin for canoes, your bones for weapons, and your meat to feed our people. Do you have any last requests?" the chief asked.


"Yeah," the Marine replied. " I want my rucksack".


"Your rucksack?" the chief replied.


"Yes, my rucksack."


The chief gave the Marine the rucksack. The Marine opened it and pulled out a .45 pistol. He then shot himself in the head.


"We can still use his body," the chief said. He then turned to the SEAL and asked if he had any last requests.


"Yeah. Give me my dog tag chain," the SEAL said.


When the chief handed him the chain, the SEAL opened a locket on the chain, took out a cyanide pill and swallowed it. Within 30 seconds he was dead.
"That's alright," the chief said. "We can still use his body."


He then turned to the Ranger and asked him if he had any last request.


"Give me my mess kit," replied the Ranger.


"Your mess kit?" the chief asked, thinking that this was an odd final request.


"Yeah, jackass. My mess kit," said the Ranger.


When the chief handed the Ranger the mess kit, the Ranger opened it and took out his fork.


"Look here chief," the Ranger said, " you might be able to use my bones to make weapons for your people. You might be able to use my meat to feed your people. But," the Ranger said as he began stabbing himself all over his own chest, " to Hell with your damn canoes!"
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Another
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A Marine goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any cover here?" The bartender glances at the Marine and says, "No, we usually just duck behind the bar."

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Another
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A Marine was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Marine shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"

The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Army guys who were in here earlier saying the same thing."

So the Marine headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Soldiers the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Marine saw a tremendously huge alligator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Soldiers.

Just as the beast was about to attack, the Soldier grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Army soldiers dragged the monster reptile onto shore near the remains of several more of the creatures.

One of the Soldiers flipped the gator on it's back and then exclaimed, "Damn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"

 

[sixgun86gn]

That last one is hilarious,I actually knew a few guys that stupid in the Army.LOL

 

[Junior Samples]

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune. "One U S Special Forces soldier is better than ten Taliban."

The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun battle breaks and continues for a few minutes, then silence.

The voice then calls out, "One U S Special Forces soldier is better than one hundred Taliban."

Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The American voice calls out again "One U S Special Forces soldier is better than one thousand Taliban."

The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannons, rockets and machineguns ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.

Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, it's a trap. There's actually two of them."

 

[Junior Samples]

Rangers Versus Special Forces: Hostage Rescue

The Chief of Staff of the Army asked his Sergeant Major, who was both Ranger and Special Forces qualified, which organization he would recommend to form a new anti-terrorist unit. The Sergeant Major responded to the General's question with this parable: If there were a hijacked Boeing 747 being held by terrorists along with its passengers and crew and an anti-terrorist unit formed either by the Rangers or the Special Forces was given a Rescue/Recovery Mission; what would you expect to happen?

Ranger Option

Forces/Equipment Committed: If the Rangers went in, they would send a Ranger company of 120 men with standard army issue equipment.

Mission Preparation: The Ranger Company First Sergeant would conduct a Hair Cut and Boots Inspection, while the officers consulted SOPs and held sand table exercises.

Infiltration Technique: They would insist on double timing, in company formation, wearing their combat equipment, and singing cadence all the way to the site of the hijacked aircraft.

Actions in the Objective Area: Once they arrived, the Ranger company would establish their ORP, put out security elements, conduct a leaders recon, reapply their camouflage, and conduct final preparations for Actions on the OBJ.

Results of Operation: The Rescue/Recovery Operation would be completed within one hour; all of the terrorists and most of the passengers would have been killed, the Rangers would have sustained light casualties and the 747 would be worthless to anyone except a scrap dealer.


Special Forces Option

Forces/Equipment Committed: If Special Forces went in, they would send only a 12 man team however, due to the exotic nature of their equipment the SF Team would cost the same amount to deploy as the Ranger Company.

Mission Preparation: The SF Team Sergeant would request relaxed grooming standards for the team. All members of the team would spend a grueling after-noon at a quality spa ensuring physical abilities would be honed.

Infiltration Technique: The team would insist on separate travel orders with Max Per Diem, and each would get to the site of the hijacking by his own means. At least one third of the team would insist on jumping in HALO.

Actions in the Objective Area: Once they arrived , the SF Team would cache their military uniforms, establish a Team Room at the best hotel in the area, use their illegal Team Fund to stock the unauthorized Team Room Bar, check out the situation by talking to the locals, and have a Team Meeting to discuss the merits of the terrorists' cause.

Results of Operation: The Rescue/Recovery Operation would take two weeks to complete and by that time all of the terrorists would have been killed, (and would have left signed confessions); the passengers would be ruined psychologically for the remainder of their lives; and all of the women passengers would be pregnant. The 747 would be essentially unharmed, the team would have taken no casualties but would have used up, lost, or stolen all the "high speed" equipment issued to them.