Lets see how do I start this. I HAD a girlfriend and we have a 8 month old son, We were living with her parents for awhile until we could get on our feet financually(spelling?) So it was pretty rough you know lots of arguments about money and her parents telling her how to raise a baby (I agreed with her parents because its mine and her first baby) because I had agreed with her parents, it gave her another reason to bi*ch at me. So she went to go get applications for an apartment, she pretty much did this behind my back but we have been talking about doing that. BUT I wanted to wait, her parents encouraged us to wait and save money and get rid of some bills. But she went ahead and got the apartment anyways and I was against it because after paying our monthly bills we would only have a whopping $35 left over until next pay period. So she got tired of me being so negative about it and she got her wild pretty much always drinking 17yr. old cousin to live with her to split the bills and she left me. We are always fighting, she told me that I cant take my son anywhere, and the only time I could see him is when I'm at my parents house. Have any of you guys been through this. Im only 22yrs old and she is 19. I tried everything to make it work. What should I do?Thanks Carlos
Personal Problems need advice (long)
- Thread starter SloRegal
- Start date
IrvJr
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- May 28, 2001
I agree stay on her parents good side, and always take care of your son. But leave her her alone, you are both too young to have this much drama in your life. Take care of your son 1st, you 2nd, and her not at all. But, if you love her really, give her a little time to live it up. During that time try to get some money saved up and get ahead.
Sorry you have to be dealing with this so early in life,
Scott
Sorry you have to be dealing with this so early in life,
Scott
Thanks Guys, As of now I am on her parents good side. I was real close to selling my GN at one point
. My son will always comes first, as of now there is nothing that he needed that I couldnt give him. You are telling me the exact samething her parents are telling me, that this little wild phase she is going through will run out, and when her cousin wont be able to come up with her part of the share, and that all she is doing is trying to be a teenager and a mom at the same time. I just worry so much about where my son will be, would she drop him off with some one so she can go out, she would try everything avoid from asking her parents or me to babysit. Things like that worry me.
I thank you guys again, I know that we are too young for this to be happening. I knew I should have wore my hard hat while being in restricted area. But my little boy is here and I dont regret him being here. Thanks Guys Carlos
. My son will always comes first, as of now there is nothing that he needed that I couldnt give him. You are telling me the exact samething her parents are telling me, that this little wild phase she is going through will run out, and when her cousin wont be able to come up with her part of the share, and that all she is doing is trying to be a teenager and a mom at the same time. I just worry so much about where my son will be, would she drop him off with some one so she can go out, she would try everything avoid from asking her parents or me to babysit. Things like that worry me. I thank you guys again, I know that we are too young for this to be happening. I knew I should have wore my hard hat while being in restricted area. But my little boy is here and I dont regret him being here. Thanks Guys Carlos
Doh!
1st. Get money... all you can as quick as you can (legally). Here are some ideas:
a - plasma donation; dont laugh I've been there but its not for everyone.
b - garage sale. Related to this let your friends know yer hurtin and need to offload some stuff.... look around you likely have "stuff"
c - lose the internet if its coming from your pocket
d - forget mods, racing, movies, or any other luxury. If you smoke/drink quit now.
e - pawn shop. At your age(s) I suspect you have a collection of CD's and DVD's. Many pawn shops or "second hand" music stores buy this sort of thing.
Now... why? Im guessing for "bills" its probably something other than regular expenses like car insurance. Getting the reoccuring bills under control will be an asset to you. If its a credit card or a few then getting these paid off will save you a TON. Same goes for medical bills - which Im sure you have.
Other ideas? Yeah I got em.
Altering your car insurance deductible. Some risk involved so procede with caution. You can also switch to monthly or from monthly on your coverage.
Debt consolidation. Mostly helpful for credit cards and medical bills.
Second job? I dont think you want to do this. Concentrate on making a stable environment for your child as it may come to that if child services get involved.
Blahblahblah I better quit this is too long already. Hope you get it figured out.
Shawn
1st. Get money... all you can as quick as you can (legally). Here are some ideas:
a - plasma donation; dont laugh I've been there but its not for everyone.
b - garage sale. Related to this let your friends know yer hurtin and need to offload some stuff.... look around you likely have "stuff"
c - lose the internet if its coming from your pocket
d - forget mods, racing, movies, or any other luxury. If you smoke/drink quit now.
e - pawn shop. At your age(s) I suspect you have a collection of CD's and DVD's. Many pawn shops or "second hand" music stores buy this sort of thing.
Now... why? Im guessing for "bills" its probably something other than regular expenses like car insurance. Getting the reoccuring bills under control will be an asset to you. If its a credit card or a few then getting these paid off will save you a TON. Same goes for medical bills - which Im sure you have.
Other ideas? Yeah I got em.
Altering your car insurance deductible. Some risk involved so procede with caution. You can also switch to monthly or from monthly on your coverage.
Debt consolidation. Mostly helpful for credit cards and medical bills.
Second job? I dont think you want to do this. Concentrate on making a stable environment for your child as it may come to that if child services get involved.
Blahblahblah I better quit this is too long already. Hope you get it figured out.
Shawn
Hey Carlos,
Sorry to hear that you're going through this. Trust me, you're not the only one to ever deal with situations like this. Actually, it surprises me that you come on here to get advice. It sounds like you really have a genuine care for your son and want to take responsibility. My hat is off to you... not many in this society that go that route.
I agree with everyone elses suggestions so far. Sounds like you have things in good terms with her folks at least. Unfortunately, I have a question that you might want to consider.
I'm assuming that you are not married or have any legal status together. I would like to know how far you have secured your rights to your son?? Yes, this may cause turbulance with the girl and perhaps with her family as well, but it is something that you need to consider. You wrote saying that you are worried about who she is leaving the child with and that she's calling the shots as to when and where you can see YOUR son. God forbid there is a situation with which you need to make a judgement call with your sons care, you want to make sure all your legal ducks are in a row. Don't automatically assume that your name on the birth certificate will be your saving grace. I would petition to make sure your son has stability and has the right to a father on equal terms, not just hers. Perhaps even the parents would be helpful in this matter. As for her loving you or getting back together... if she can't understand your wanting to be the childs father than she doesn't care about you either.
As for money and other problems, I couldn't give you many more suggestions other than what has been presented.
Hang in there... Keep things up in the right direction. You have tough road ahead. For fun you should win the lottery.. That'll brighten up your day.
Sorry to hear that you're going through this. Trust me, you're not the only one to ever deal with situations like this. Actually, it surprises me that you come on here to get advice. It sounds like you really have a genuine care for your son and want to take responsibility. My hat is off to you... not many in this society that go that route.
I agree with everyone elses suggestions so far. Sounds like you have things in good terms with her folks at least. Unfortunately, I have a question that you might want to consider.
I'm assuming that you are not married or have any legal status together. I would like to know how far you have secured your rights to your son?? Yes, this may cause turbulance with the girl and perhaps with her family as well, but it is something that you need to consider. You wrote saying that you are worried about who she is leaving the child with and that she's calling the shots as to when and where you can see YOUR son. God forbid there is a situation with which you need to make a judgement call with your sons care, you want to make sure all your legal ducks are in a row. Don't automatically assume that your name on the birth certificate will be your saving grace. I would petition to make sure your son has stability and has the right to a father on equal terms, not just hers. Perhaps even the parents would be helpful in this matter. As for her loving you or getting back together... if she can't understand your wanting to be the childs father than she doesn't care about you either.
As for money and other problems, I couldn't give you many more suggestions other than what has been presented.
Hang in there... Keep things up in the right direction. You have tough road ahead. For fun you should win the lottery..
That'll brighten up your day.Beg, borrow steal. Get you some money together and hire a lawyer. Just went through a similar situation.
I did what I had to do and hired a lawyer. Well six months later I have full custody. You need to get into a stable home where the child has their own room. That is a very big deal in court.
Even iif you can't or don't want custody, you need to get your visitation times in writing signed off on by a judge. Till you do that you have no rights. Also you need to get the child support cleared up as soon as possible. Even if you are giving her money, if it isn't court administered your screwed. She can come after you years from now and say you never gave her a dime. And if you think your having money problems now, you'll really have them then.
I did what I had to do and hired a lawyer. Well six months later I have full custody. You need to get into a stable home where the child has their own room. That is a very big deal in court.
Even iif you can't or don't want custody, you need to get your visitation times in writing signed off on by a judge. Till you do that you have no rights. Also you need to get the child support cleared up as soon as possible. Even if you are giving her money, if it isn't court administered your screwed. She can come after you years from now and say you never gave her a dime. And if you think your having money problems now, you'll really have them then.
Well, everybody is giving me the same advice. The one thing I wish I'd never had to go through. I wonder what would happen with the car that we both have under our names. Saturday she try calling me over to stay with her, and I told her NO! but I will go pick up Christian (my son). She was like thats fine. So I had my son Saturday night and until Sunday afternoon about 7pm. Thats why I havent replied until now. I guess I will start saving my money now. Thanks guys for the advice. I wouldnt come here on the net and discuss my problems but I know yall are a great bunch. I guess I will go start my long journey. Thanks Carlos
Remember, we are all just a bunch of car nuts. Look in the yellow pages or in the government section of the phone book. There should be a place offering limited free legal counciling. You sound like an upstanding person that wants to do the right thing and take care of your son. Make sure you don't get run over by the law.
Carlos,
Thanks for being an earnest honest young man, concerned with
doing every thing you possibly can for your child.
Let all your actions speak for your love and concern for him.
He will be very proud of his Father one day and this will all be worth it. You're doing the right things for the right reasons.
Right now, as XL just suggested, you truly do need to visit an Attorney...QUICK...to discuss all of this matter. You want to know ALL the laws pertaining to such situations, and how to protect ALL your rights as his Father.
PLEASE do this tomorrow--Tuesday 25 February 2003--and also please keep us posted. I will light a candle for your righteous struggle.
Keep working hard---things WILL get better.
One of your many friends, TL
Thanks for being an earnest honest young man, concerned with
doing every thing you possibly can for your child.
Let all your actions speak for your love and concern for him.
He will be very proud of his Father one day and this will all be worth it. You're doing the right things for the right reasons.
Right now, as XL just suggested, you truly do need to visit an Attorney...QUICK...to discuss all of this matter. You want to know ALL the laws pertaining to such situations, and how to protect ALL your rights as his Father.
PLEASE do this tomorrow--Tuesday 25 February 2003--and also please keep us posted. I will light a candle for your righteous struggle.
Keep working hard---things WILL get better.
One of your many friends, TL
turboscott
New Member
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2001
If you give her any money for child support make sure it is a check so you can prove down the road that you gave her the money. Cash is no good in this situation. If you don't have a checking account, get one even if you only use it to write her checks. If you ever go to court you want to be able to show the judge you gave her money.
Go to legal aide or social services they are free and can give you some legal advice. Do it now do not put it off because it will come back and bite you in the ass. Even if you can't spend as much time with your son as you would like and you may piss her off by taking legal action, you are taking responsibility for your life and your sons and this is a valuable gift your son will appreciate later in life when he can understand what happened to his parents. The chances are pretty good this won't be the woman you spend the rest of your life with so take care of yourself and your son. I was in a similar situation and didn't see my daughter for the first year of her life, but I made sure I knew my legal rights and what things I was legally responsible for and in the end it saved me a lot of money,pain and heartache. My daughter is only 7 now but she has adjusted very well over the last 6 years and she didn't have to see the ugliness that is involved because she was so young at the time. Time has a great way of healing wounds but until then put yourself in a position to do the right things. Good Luck!!!
Similar threads
