Tony Baloni
New Member
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2002
RACE IN HELL
Paht II
Tony looked around at the packed crowd in da bleachers alongside da track. Dey wuz filled wit da usual people you’d expect to see down in Hades. Jack da Rippah…Stalin…DMV employees…
Just den Tony heard da rumble of a vehicle comin’ his way. He strained to see just what da devil drove. Wuz it a blown Hemi? A supah chaghed Cobra? Den da devil came into view. Tony gasped in amazement. “I shoulda known,” he muttered to himself.
Da devil pulled up in none udder den a GNX!! Numbah 666! Da devil got out of his car and da convoysation went like dis…
Devil: Well, Tony, are you ready?
Tony [nervous]: Yeh, but…hey devil, can I at least get a look at your engine? I mean yuz don’t see too many of dem tings around.
Devil [popping the hood]: Sure, Tony.
[Tony gazes at da GNX’s engine.]
Tony: Say, nice job, especially on da alky kit.
Devil: Why, thank you!
[Tony then looks into the crowd.]
Tony: Hey, dat old guy in da tird row…is dat Adolf
Hitlah?
[The devil turns to look.]
Devil: Oh no, that’s Alan Greenspan. He vacations here.
[The devil then closes his hood.]
Devil: Well, Tony, I’d wish you luck, but after all, I am the devil.
Tony got back in his cah. He noticed his temperature gauge was reading a bit high. Probably due to da fact it wuz ovah tree tousand degrees in Hell, he thought. He watched as da devil built boost. Tony did da same. Den the lights rapidly flashed on the tree an…BANGO! It wuz on!
Da devil and Tony both launched simultaneously. Tings were movin’ fast. Tony looked ovah at his scan tool. It read ~ 780 MVs! Den he looked at his speedo. It read 150 MPH!! Den he looked down at his shiftah column. It read PRNDD21!! Da devil began to inch ahead foyst by a bumpah, den by half a cah length. Tony began praying out loud, “Oh, please God,” he pleaded, “Send down an angel ta help me!”
In an instant an old man with a long flowing beard appeared in Tony’s passenger seat. “Tony…” began da apparition.
“Yes!” Tony said in an excited breath, hope once again filling his heart.
The old man continued, “Tony…I am the ghost of Christmas Past.”
“Ah, sheesh, you’re in da wrong friggin story!” cried Tony and with that Tony rolled down the passenger side window and da ghost was instantly sucked out. Tony’s GN hopped as the rear wheels ran ovah da ghost’s midsection.
Dah devil wuz now a cah an’ a half ahead of Tony and da end of da race wuz looming close up ahead! Now lemme tell youse Flat Tappets, dare are two kinds a racers…dose dat accept da fact dat dere gunna lose an’ are gracious in defeat and den dare are dose who, while da devil is lookin’ into da tird row to identify Alan Greenspan, Loosens ah alky nozzle off his friggin’ Up Pipe.
An’ as da devil’s car erupted into a fire ball and Tony crossed da line and won da race, I can only tells youse, Cork Gaskets, dat 500 degrees a knock ain’t a pretty ting to behold…
Da End
Paht II
Tony looked around at the packed crowd in da bleachers alongside da track. Dey wuz filled wit da usual people you’d expect to see down in Hades. Jack da Rippah…Stalin…DMV employees…
Just den Tony heard da rumble of a vehicle comin’ his way. He strained to see just what da devil drove. Wuz it a blown Hemi? A supah chaghed Cobra? Den da devil came into view. Tony gasped in amazement. “I shoulda known,” he muttered to himself.
Da devil pulled up in none udder den a GNX!! Numbah 666! Da devil got out of his car and da convoysation went like dis…
Devil: Well, Tony, are you ready?
Tony [nervous]: Yeh, but…hey devil, can I at least get a look at your engine? I mean yuz don’t see too many of dem tings around.
Devil [popping the hood]: Sure, Tony.
[Tony gazes at da GNX’s engine.]
Tony: Say, nice job, especially on da alky kit.
Devil: Why, thank you!
[Tony then looks into the crowd.]
Tony: Hey, dat old guy in da tird row…is dat Adolf
Hitlah?
[The devil turns to look.]
Devil: Oh no, that’s Alan Greenspan. He vacations here.
[The devil then closes his hood.]
Devil: Well, Tony, I’d wish you luck, but after all, I am the devil.
Tony got back in his cah. He noticed his temperature gauge was reading a bit high. Probably due to da fact it wuz ovah tree tousand degrees in Hell, he thought. He watched as da devil built boost. Tony did da same. Den the lights rapidly flashed on the tree an…BANGO! It wuz on!
Da devil and Tony both launched simultaneously. Tings were movin’ fast. Tony looked ovah at his scan tool. It read ~ 780 MVs! Den he looked at his speedo. It read 150 MPH!! Den he looked down at his shiftah column. It read PRNDD21!! Da devil began to inch ahead foyst by a bumpah, den by half a cah length. Tony began praying out loud, “Oh, please God,” he pleaded, “Send down an angel ta help me!”
In an instant an old man with a long flowing beard appeared in Tony’s passenger seat. “Tony…” began da apparition.
“Yes!” Tony said in an excited breath, hope once again filling his heart.
The old man continued, “Tony…I am the ghost of Christmas Past.”
“Ah, sheesh, you’re in da wrong friggin story!” cried Tony and with that Tony rolled down the passenger side window and da ghost was instantly sucked out. Tony’s GN hopped as the rear wheels ran ovah da ghost’s midsection.
Dah devil wuz now a cah an’ a half ahead of Tony and da end of da race wuz looming close up ahead! Now lemme tell youse Flat Tappets, dare are two kinds a racers…dose dat accept da fact dat dere gunna lose an’ are gracious in defeat and den dare are dose who, while da devil is lookin’ into da tird row to identify Alan Greenspan, Loosens ah alky nozzle off his friggin’ Up Pipe.
An’ as da devil’s car erupted into a fire ball and Tony crossed da line and won da race, I can only tells youse, Cork Gaskets, dat 500 degrees a knock ain’t a pretty ting to behold…
Da End
about half of us, o well, post a few more times and ill have joo figured out
