So when you have a wife and a kid, how do you do it?
- Thread starter "Turbo-T"
- Start date
imjoesnuffy
I just break stuff!
- Joined
- Sep 13, 2005
I feel your pain brother. I have been in almost 15 years now. Married with 3 kids. I didn't start partaking in this hobby until I was an E-7. Even then I made sure my family came first and the bills were taken care of. Living debt free is the way to live if at all possible. The old saying, "You cant make money if you owe money" is so true. Dave Ramsey is a very good source of information as mentioned.
As mentioned before, set a budget and stick to it. You already have the emergency fund. Get involved in the financial affairs of your household. ACS offers some very good financial management course, you and your wife can attend, check it out. (But she will learn how to read an LES) If you cant take $50 a month to spend on what you are passionate about, it sounds to me it might be time to take a 2nd job or just something on the weekends. I am active duty and I took a part time job to fund my car enthusiasm, if there is a will there is a way. Detailing cars is a very easy way to make some extra cash. I was charging $80 bucks a piece for about 4 hours work. Once word spreads about what a good job you do, you will have all of the work you could ever want.
Good luck.
As mentioned before, set a budget and stick to it. You already have the emergency fund. Get involved in the financial affairs of your household. ACS offers some very good financial management course, you and your wife can attend, check it out. (But she will learn how to read an LES) If you cant take $50 a month to spend on what you are passionate about, it sounds to me it might be time to take a 2nd job or just something on the weekends. I am active duty and I took a part time job to fund my car enthusiasm, if there is a will there is a way. Detailing cars is a very easy way to make some extra cash. I was charging $80 bucks a piece for about 4 hours work. Once word spreads about what a good job you do, you will have all of the work you could ever want.
Good luck.
I have a wife, 2 young boys and a house. I do not make big money.
Fortunately I have a job that enables me to pickup a good deal of side work. My car has been bought and paid for on side jobs (I do low voltage stuff, like security, cctv, home audio, etc...) I have yet to take money out of our personal account to pay for anything. Sometimes I use the barter system for parts and service too. Lately the wife has been on to me
"We need a new couch, not more parts.." LOL. "You have like $2K in your car...." My God, if she actually knew hahahaha.
Fortunately I have a job that enables me to pickup a good deal of side work. My car has been bought and paid for on side jobs (I do low voltage stuff, like security, cctv, home audio, etc...) I have yet to take money out of our personal account to pay for anything. Sometimes I use the barter system for parts and service too. Lately the wife has been on to me
"We need a new couch, not more parts.." LOL. "You have like $2K in your car...." My God, if she actually knew hahahaha.Aztlanahauc
Member
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2003
For me sometimes the car sits. Last time it sat 2 years before I could repair it.
I have a girlfriend of 12 years, we have 3 kids. We are not married because she is a different religion. That is another story.
She understands that I need some hobby I do for myself. She does not care if I need parts but I can not buy a big ticket item without discussing what kind of strain it would put on our finances. Tax time is the only time I can do that though. This year it will be an aluminum radiator and a heater core from G-Body Parts and maybe a new fuel pump and hotwire kit. Wear items like front suspension components are not considered haves but a need. I am rebuilding the front end now since I daily drive my TR in the summer.
After this it is put on the backburner again because we want to buy a house and renting seems like I am throwing my money away.
Yes she does work but only 17 to 20 hours a week. Our kids are growing up but she still likes to be there when they get home from school.
I have a girlfriend of 12 years, we have 3 kids. We are not married because she is a different religion. That is another story.
She understands that I need some hobby I do for myself. She does not care if I need parts but I can not buy a big ticket item without discussing what kind of strain it would put on our finances. Tax time is the only time I can do that though. This year it will be an aluminum radiator and a heater core from G-Body Parts and maybe a new fuel pump and hotwire kit. Wear items like front suspension components are not considered haves but a need. I am rebuilding the front end now since I daily drive my TR in the summer.
After this it is put on the backburner again because we want to buy a house and renting seems like I am throwing my money away.
Yes she does work but only 17 to 20 hours a week. Our kids are growing up but she still likes to be there when they get home from school.
turbo39151
anycoloraslongasitsblack
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2002
Focus on your family needs first. If you need to sell the car, do it. Spend the money on paying down debt (like your wife's Honda) or putting it toward a house (unless you own the duplex you're in- different story), or savings.
Invest in your child's future by contributing to a 529 plan.
Invest in your future by encouraging the wife to get a higher education- there are plenty of schools that offer online classes (while she's at home with the baby). You can also take classes on base and online as well and use your GI bill.-(Do it now, don't wait. It's really hard to go back to school as you get older)
One of the big things that will help you- at least it helped me- was that I told the "boss" that I would not argue about money ever. If she wanted to argue about money I would show her the door.
My plan was simple- this is a 50/50 partnership. Both sides should contribute. (ie: she doesn't get to just sit at home-Yes, I know your wife is at home with the baby now, but soon the kid will be in school and mom can go out and work too.)
Any and all money goes into the pot. Since I am more anal about finance- I pay the bills and handle the money (I don't hide anything-she has the ability to see where it's all going) While we have several credit cards, I have mandated that we both use one card (I am the primary and she is the authorized user or vise versa) - We use one card for all our purchases- It makes it easier to see where the money is going and keeps us both in check with our spending.
All of this may keep you from your hobby right now, but trust me it will pay off in the future. You will be able to buy another Buick after you get all of your things in order.
BTW, another way to get her to cooperate with you in your car hobby is to include her. Get her input, ask for her help, get her to participate with you. You never know, she might enjoy spending time with you in the garage.:biggrin:
Good Luck.
Invest in your child's future by contributing to a 529 plan.
Invest in your future by encouraging the wife to get a higher education- there are plenty of schools that offer online classes (while she's at home with the baby). You can also take classes on base and online as well and use your GI bill.-(Do it now, don't wait. It's really hard to go back to school as you get older)
One of the big things that will help you- at least it helped me- was that I told the "boss" that I would not argue about money ever. If she wanted to argue about money I would show her the door.
My plan was simple- this is a 50/50 partnership. Both sides should contribute. (ie: she doesn't get to just sit at home-Yes, I know your wife is at home with the baby now, but soon the kid will be in school and mom can go out and work too.)
Any and all money goes into the pot. Since I am more anal about finance- I pay the bills and handle the money (I don't hide anything-she has the ability to see where it's all going) While we have several credit cards, I have mandated that we both use one card (I am the primary and she is the authorized user or vise versa) - We use one card for all our purchases- It makes it easier to see where the money is going and keeps us both in check with our spending.
All of this may keep you from your hobby right now, but trust me it will pay off in the future. You will be able to buy another Buick after you get all of your things in order.
BTW, another way to get her to cooperate with you in your car hobby is to include her. Get her input, ask for her help, get her to participate with you. You never know, she might enjoy spending time with you in the garage.:biggrin:
Good Luck.
Thanks for the input.
My wife has an associates degree in the legal field. She was working full time making good money when I met her. We decided she would return to work for an attorney when the baby was old enough to start grade school. As of now it wouldn't be worth it for her to work to pay child care for someone else to raise our child in the day.
The only way I'd even consider selling the Regal now is if my child or wife needed an operation or something and the military wouldn't pay for it. I say this because I know if I tried selling it now I would be lucky to get 5k for it, with the market as bad as it is. I've got more than twice that amount invested in it and I've done lost my ass twice now having to sell hobby cars. So I've done learned my lesson twice....you usually don't get out what you have invested....but only if I'd get at least $10k would I consider selling.
I've tried getting her to get involved in the car hobby and even getting her to come to car shows with me, but she has made it obvious that she is not interested. Whenever we go to a car show together she usually ends up sitting in the SUV and lets me wander around browsing.
Silver Fox I'm also in the AF, not as long as you though. How comes you're not going to 30? Don't you also get more back in retirement if you went to 30 as opposed to 24 even if retiring as a chief? I do concur on TDY's....when I would go I usually came back with some money, but that was before I married and when I was at a heavy base. I'm sure even if I did have tax free pay and all the extra pay you receive while in the sandbox, it would still be saved as "what if" money....which isn't a bad thing but it would all be saved like that.
Also I've tried seeing if there's any hobbies she likes to do to sort of even the playing field but she doesn't have any...well sometimes scrap booking. Which I still get the "well your hobby costs so much"....well yeah it does....anything that has to do with a car is going to be expensive.
I think the only real reason why I enjoy doing this now is because when I was younger (before my license) I always wanted to do cool things like build fast go karts and bikes...but I didn't get to do those things....wasn't until my mid 20's when I finally was able to get myself a cool fast car to work on...something I had always dreamed about since I was like 10 and reading Super Chevy magazines. So there went all of my teens and half my 20's....and it was because I was poor and had to work hard and build up credit to afford to get the loans to buy the cars I wanted and the facilities to work on them at and then save up for parts.
The wife already knows I'm a hot rodder deep down, even though i wished I could flip off that switch sometimes. Her nephews admire my taste for automobiles. They loved my Chevelle and going for rides in it. When I told them I bought a Regal they had an "aw man what good are those for" impression...until they saw it....then they rode in it....now they brag about the "cool Regal" I own.
My wife has an associates degree in the legal field. She was working full time making good money when I met her. We decided she would return to work for an attorney when the baby was old enough to start grade school. As of now it wouldn't be worth it for her to work to pay child care for someone else to raise our child in the day.
The only way I'd even consider selling the Regal now is if my child or wife needed an operation or something and the military wouldn't pay for it. I say this because I know if I tried selling it now I would be lucky to get 5k for it, with the market as bad as it is. I've got more than twice that amount invested in it and I've done lost my ass twice now having to sell hobby cars. So I've done learned my lesson twice....you usually don't get out what you have invested....but only if I'd get at least $10k would I consider selling.
I've tried getting her to get involved in the car hobby and even getting her to come to car shows with me, but she has made it obvious that she is not interested. Whenever we go to a car show together she usually ends up sitting in the SUV and lets me wander around browsing.
Silver Fox I'm also in the AF, not as long as you though. How comes you're not going to 30? Don't you also get more back in retirement if you went to 30 as opposed to 24 even if retiring as a chief? I do concur on TDY's....when I would go I usually came back with some money, but that was before I married and when I was at a heavy base. I'm sure even if I did have tax free pay and all the extra pay you receive while in the sandbox, it would still be saved as "what if" money....which isn't a bad thing but it would all be saved like that.
Also I've tried seeing if there's any hobbies she likes to do to sort of even the playing field but she doesn't have any...well sometimes scrap booking. Which I still get the "well your hobby costs so much"....well yeah it does....anything that has to do with a car is going to be expensive.
I think the only real reason why I enjoy doing this now is because when I was younger (before my license) I always wanted to do cool things like build fast go karts and bikes...but I didn't get to do those things....wasn't until my mid 20's when I finally was able to get myself a cool fast car to work on...something I had always dreamed about since I was like 10 and reading Super Chevy magazines. So there went all of my teens and half my 20's....and it was because I was poor and had to work hard and build up credit to afford to get the loans to buy the cars I wanted and the facilities to work on them at and then save up for parts.
The wife already knows I'm a hot rodder deep down, even though i wished I could flip off that switch sometimes. Her nephews admire my taste for automobiles. They loved my Chevelle and going for rides in it. When I told them I bought a Regal they had an "aw man what good are those for" impression...until they saw it....then they rode in it....now they brag about the "cool Regal" I own.
Little6pack
Active Member
- Joined
- Jun 2, 2002
HOW DO YOU DO IT? LOL I am still trying to figure that out after after 20+ years of marrige & 4 kids..
Keep a seperate bank account or hide the money from her.
I have not seen my paycheck in EONS! I sell crap on ebay just to make regal money.
Keep a seperate bank account or hide the money from her.
I have not seen my paycheck in EONS! I sell crap on ebay just to make regal money.
Little6pack
Active Member
- Joined
- Jun 2, 2002
Now for the ADVISE part. Work different shifts. Make her work 1st & you 2nd shift. that allows for both of you to see your daughter. It also allows 2 pay's. That is what I am still doing currently, though the kids are in school.
V8Assassin
100mi away ready 2 strike
- Joined
- Jun 6, 2007
I have a wife, 2 young boys and a house. I do not make big money.
Fortunately I have a job that enables me to pickup a good deal of side work. My car has been bought and paid for on side jobs (I do low voltage stuff, like security, cctv, home audio, etc...) I have yet to take money out of our personal account to pay for anything. Sometimes I use the barter system for parts and service too. Lately the wife has been on to me
LMAO! My wife got mad and started about the car one night a few months back. She said "I know you have at spent at least 4 or 5 thousand on that stupid car". I just immediately said she was right and started apologizing.
I know a few guys whose wives are really into the cars and don't mind the money spent, but by in large it can become a sore spot for most women. Mine is not one of these. We keep separate accounts and mine comes out of the business, barter, or cash. Uh oh here she comes :biggrin: :biggrin:
Silver Fox
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2003
Why don't I stay in 30? After ten assignments in the last 24 years, I am just to the point of wanting to settle down and stay somewhere more than 2 years or so. Yes, my retirement continues to go up if I stay in, but I also have to consider I will get 63% of my pay in retirement (right now) and be able to get another job and income on top of that. Why don't you PM me your DSN number and work email and we can talk some more.
This is fun to read................. kinda
As the very proud new father of a 10 month old baby boy, my Buick hobby has changed a LOT.
All I can say is.................................................
I bought the new turbo and injectors for the GN before the kid arrived! :wink:
But seriously, I know what you mean. I feel if I do anything to the Buicks other than maintain them that Im "being irresponsible". But this can go both ways. When the wife brings home stupid stuff I get well, bitchy. HAHA
If its your money, and you want to set even 10 bux a week aside for your hobby, I dont see the problem. Pay your bills, take care of your baby, have fun....................... ie BUICKS
As the very proud new father of a 10 month old baby boy, my Buick hobby has changed a LOT.
All I can say is.................................................
I bought the new turbo and injectors for the GN before the kid arrived!
:wink: But seriously, I know what you mean. I feel if I do anything to the Buicks other than maintain them that Im "being irresponsible". But this can go both ways. When the wife brings home stupid stuff I get well, bitchy. HAHA
If its your money, and you want to set even 10 bux a week aside for your hobby, I dont see the problem. Pay your bills, take care of your baby, have fun....................... ie BUICKS
Here's my two cents...not saying this is you, but I have friends in general who have gotton married and had multiple kids WAY too early and their fun lives are destroyed already. They are in their mid 20's like myself. I'm officially not married but I live with my girlfriend of 2 years and we don't have kids. We both have agreed to take things slow and get our sh!t together first like getting our career paths established, house and such, THEN we can plan on the major stuff. We want to have fun while we are young still. Thus why we have more than most of my friends do. We chose our life situation. Some guys don't get it and dig themselves huge holes that they cannot climb out of. When they complain they are broke or complain their wives don't let them do crap, I think to myself "Hey, you chose to marry someone you don't even like or get along with, chose to have kids when you weren't ready, you dug yourself your own grave!"
I know what you mean Don. I see guys all around me at work not even 25 and have kids. I guess if you're cool with that ok, but when you can't go to the bars and such and have fun while in your 20's you're going to later hate yourself for throwing your youth away so early.
I myself decided to wait until my 30's to have my first child. I knew when she came I would not be able to spend as much $$ as I wanted on my hobby. And I was cool with that. I know I can't go out and purchase a new intercooler or heads or anything. Not a big deal.
But what is a big deal is if/when I get told "no you can't set aside $10/$20 a week for your hobby and let it build up then get what you want. Not as if that would be throwing a wrench in the equation. I've already tried finding out what the wife likes to do for fun so we can split it 50-50. I think I may tell her about the "let's split the play money down the middle, so you can get something you want too.
I myself decided to wait until my 30's to have my first child. I knew when she came I would not be able to spend as much $$ as I wanted on my hobby. And I was cool with that. I know I can't go out and purchase a new intercooler or heads or anything. Not a big deal.
But what is a big deal is if/when I get told "no you can't set aside $10/$20 a week for your hobby and let it build up then get what you want. Not as if that would be throwing a wrench in the equation. I've already tried finding out what the wife likes to do for fun so we can split it 50-50. I think I may tell her about the "let's split the play money down the middle, so you can get something you want too.
You'll get use to it over time, It will grow on you!
I myself have been Married 10yrs and 4 kids. Had to just about sel all my toy's in the beginning. To buy a house and do what's right for the family, then more kids and a bigger house, I thought I would never stop buying milk & diapers. But Priorities came first.
But I wouldn't change a thing, I found a good wife and, and that makes things easier. She really holds things together and keeps the Family strong. But it will get easier over time, I wasn't use to the lifestyle of kids, sharing, extensive bills, etc. If you do it for a while, it will become natural and you will find a few ways to save that extra cash for yourself, hell I even bought a GN a few years ago, she even drove me put of town to get it.
"Come to think of it, she might have been getting it for herself" LOL
You'll be fine! Hang in there.
I myself have been Married 10yrs and 4 kids. Had to just about sel all my toy's in the beginning. To buy a house and do what's right for the family, then more kids and a bigger house, I thought I would never stop buying milk & diapers. But Priorities came first.
But I wouldn't change a thing, I found a good wife and, and that makes things easier. She really holds things together and keeps the Family strong. But it will get easier over time, I wasn't use to the lifestyle of kids, sharing, extensive bills, etc. If you do it for a while, it will become natural and you will find a few ways to save that extra cash for yourself, hell I even bought a GN a few years ago, she even drove me put of town to get it.
"Come to think of it, she might have been getting it for herself" LOL
You'll be fine! Hang in there.
Two kids, married 10 years.. I know the feeling. I have been scratching around for years with the car hobby. I slowed way down when the kids were newborn and money was tight. I learned how to work on cars from my dad and used that knowledge to help others out for small jobs. Now my two boys are getting older and I get to be a kid again with them for a little while until they get into whatever hobby they want. When it's time for them to get into a hobby (sports, cars, etc) I'm sure the focus will go towards that. I'll always have my hobby, and if they are interested too then it's just another bonus to me in the end.
Two things for starters...
Start listening to Dave Ramsey and read the books that Jason C. suggested in a previous post. It works, read them together as a family.
What ever amount you decide to save for yourself out of the check, do the same for her.. Ex. If you save $25 for car stuff then she gets $25 for whatever she wants to save for. It has to be mutually accepted to work.
Two things for starters...
Start listening to Dave Ramsey and read the books that Jason C. suggested in a previous post. It works, read them together as a family.
What ever amount you decide to save for yourself out of the check, do the same for her.. Ex. If you save $25 for car stuff then she gets $25 for whatever she wants to save for. It has to be mutually accepted to work.
Robbie-87plz
Junior Boost-Head
- Joined
- Feb 12, 2004
Definitely good advice from the guys here. Place your family first, which I'm sure you're doing (I know you're probably just on here to 'talk' to the fellas, get it off your chest kinda deal).
You've been blessed with a wife that saves (be grateful for that, there are military spouses out there that loves the PX like someone said earlier) and use her drive to be frugal as an opportunity to find ways of making extra income i.e. oil changes, car detailing, etc...(use that extra cash to splurge on her and yourself)
I'm prior active duty, now part-time, however, I'm using the GIBill to help with the mortgage payment and allows my wife to save and me to spend some of it on frivolous things like a 'go-fast' parts that I don't need.
There's a time to allow for a hobby and a time for oneself to cut back alittle, regroup and attack from a different direction when times are better.
P.S. I'm trying to introduce my 2 1/2 yr old son to the wonderful world of cars.
You've been blessed with a wife that saves (be grateful for that, there are military spouses out there that loves the PX like someone said earlier) and use her drive to be frugal as an opportunity to find ways of making extra income i.e. oil changes, car detailing, etc...(use that extra cash to splurge on her and yourself)
I'm prior active duty, now part-time, however, I'm using the GIBill to help with the mortgage payment and allows my wife to save and me to spend some of it on frivolous things like a 'go-fast' parts that I don't need.
There's a time to allow for a hobby and a time for oneself to cut back alittle, regroup and attack from a different direction when times are better.
P.S. I'm trying to introduce my 2 1/2 yr old son to the wonderful world of cars.
I agree, there must be something set aside for whatever you want. An account that is for the both of you to divide up equally for whatever you want to spend it on. It may only be $5.00/week apiece but at least you are giving yourself hope for something you want. If you don't have a safety valves for yourself and for your wife to unwind somehow you will end up taking it out on your family. People need alone down time to decompress. Don't feel guilty about that it is normal. Just don't allow it to hinder your ability to support your family and it will be fine.
Mikey
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