So when you have a wife and a kid, how do you do it?

[Pablo]

Unpopular opinion here, but I saw several suggestions for a college fund so I thought I would share.

I think saving for your kid's college is a waste of money, time, and a poor buffer for bad parenting. If someone really wants to go to college there are a multitude of ways for them to pay for it themselves or have it paid for on their own merit.

As a former lazy teenager my parents started paying for my college. I didn't appreciate ****. I accomplished nothing, and ended up dropping out. Only after serving 5 years in the Marines am I now attending school on money that I earned and am held accountable for. As you could imagine, I am a very different student now.

Contrast this with my sister who studied her ass off and got herself scholarship after scholarship and is currently completing her PhD in Neuroscience. My parents essentially didn't have to pay a dime for her education. She wanted the education and she got it.

My own very prejudiced opinion about people that have their way paid for them by others is that they are generally elitist and snobby pricks who have little moral character. Of course some exceptions to the rule are always the rule.

 

[ngc414]

Unpopular opinion here, but I saw several suggestions for a college fund so I thought I would share.

I think saving for your kid's college is a waste of money, time, and a poor buffer for bad parenting. If someone really wants to go to college there are a multitude of ways for them to pay for it themselves or have it paid for on their own merit.

As a former lazy teenager my parents started paying for my college. I didn't appreciate ****. I accomplished nothing, and ended up dropping out. Only after serving 5 years in the Marines am I now attending school on money that I earned and am held accountable for. As you could imagine, I am a very different student now.

Contrast this with my sister who studied her ass off and got herself scholarship after scholarship and is currently completing her PhD in Neuroscience. My parents essentially didn't have to pay a dime for her education. She wanted the education and she got it.

My own very prejudiced opinion about people that have their way paid for them by others is that they are generally elitist and snobby pricks who have little moral character. Of course some exceptions to the rule are always the rule.

I agree somewhat. In high school I was always in trouble and had horrible grades. When I got in the real world I decided I needed to get back in school. I had to serve time at a community college before getting accepted to the University of Michigan. I pulled 12 credit hours while working full time. I managed to get on the deans list and maintain a high GPA. I was paying for it, there was no way I would drop a class or allow myself to get anything below a B. I watched old high school friends complain about their classes and drop classes they didn’t like. What did they care they didn’t work and they didn’t pay for the classes they were dropping. My wife went to Ohio State, she also paid her own way, but her dad did buy her a new car when she graduated. I’m not saying that all kids who have their way paid don’t take it serious, but the kids who pay there own way almost always take it serious. I do plan to help my kids with college, but they will need to meet some restrictions and pay some of their own way.

 

["Turbo-T"]

I think saving for your kid's college is a waste of money, time, and a poor buffer for bad parenting. If someone really wants to go to college there are a multitude of ways for them to pay for it themselves or have it paid for on their own merit.

I don't know if I'd say it's a waste of time or money, but I do believe that when it comes time for you to attend college you should have to work for it yourself. My parents didn't pay to send me to college. They taught me to work for what I have, not to just expect hand outs. Which is one reason I joined the military. To pay for schooling. My wife was poor and attended college on a pel grant, and worked after hours in a restaurant. I've already decided (and told my wife) that when our daughter gets older, she is going to learn to work for what she has, like I did. Yes I'll help her out if I see she's worked hard and is a few dollars short, but the bulk of it she's going to have to pay for herself. Otherwise when will you learn to be self independent?

 

[jdsgnx]

I don't know if I'd say it's a waste of time or money, but I do believe that when it comes time for you to attend college you should have to work for it yourself. My parents didn't pay to send me to college. They taught me to work for what I have, not to just expect hand outs. Which is one reason I joined the military. To pay for schooling. My wife was poor and attended college on a pel grant, and worked after hours in a restaurant. I've already decided (and told my wife) that when our daughter gets older, she is going to learn to work for what she has, like I did. Yes I'll help her out if I see she's worked hard and is a few dollars short, but the bulk of it she's going to have to pay for herself. Otherwise when will you learn to be self independent?

totally AGREE!!!!

All we can do is teach them to set goals and WORK HARD to get there!!!!

This is really GREAT READING!!!!

thanks to all that have SHARED!!!!

JD

 

[Grumpy]

oh boy.. hope my wife or Melissa doesn't read this .. I got a 427 Cobra may of 76.. a day LATER a girl "arrived" SOOOO...see cars do come first !! :biggrin:

 

[turbo39151]

While I am guilty of proposing saving money for college, I agree with Pablo that people should pay their own way. My intent in mentioning a college fund was to promote some sort of savings plan so that if the kid did need some "assistance" that the parents would be able to provide it if it was merited.

My parents paid for one semester of college and I barely even attended and got horrible grades. The parents stopped the payment of classes at that point. I finally dropped out after 2 semesters and went to stay with Uncle Sam for a while. After having a shiny boot in my Arse for several years, I was finally "motivated" to go to school and get the grades and do something with my life. I used the GI bill and tons of student loans to accomplish my goals and now my other half has used up her GI bill and is taking out loans to complete her education.

If it were up to me all kids-18+ males and females- would be required to give a few years of service to their country. It makes the country stronger and nearly always benefits the kids as well.

Just my .02

 

["Turbo-T"]

Yeah I remember someone else saying that once you turn 18 you should join the military. Some people could use the real world wake up call it offers. Makes you rethink life.

 

[XLR8]

A friend of mine - Mile Hi GN on this board - took me aside one day at the track and said, "Look around - of the maried guys here at least 1/2 of their wives hate their car - keep that in mind." It is just a car.

With that said I would try a compromise. Discuss (you can't TELL a wife anything) a savings stratagey for the (your) additional income. Consider $25 for your account to spend as you wish, $25 for an account fer her, and $25 into an account to prepare for the rainy day. Spend some of "your" money on her for a birthday gift and maybe she will do the same.

 

[86SS86LS]

Heres the way I read it......This is not about the money, doesn't matter if your talking $250, $25, or $2.50. This is about you not sacrificing your hobby to spend more time with the family. Women expect that once you have a family you shift your priorities, and this is reasonable to some extent, but they can go overboard and get jealous of time spent on other interests.

Tough situation...... I hope you and your wife can arrive at a compromise.

 

[Nasty Wendy]

So when you have a wife and a kid, how do you do it?

We 'do it' after our children are asleep.:smile:

 

[Audie1]

Well family comes first, so my GN was farther behind than I liked her to be back when I was raising my kids. Now the kids are grown (I was a single parent of 10 years back then). I'm shooting blanks now, so I can't have kids anymore with my new wife (wife of 2 years). I just made it clear to her when we were dating, that the woman would go before the GN would. I love her and treat her like a Princess, she in turn loves me and my GN, she even buys parts for her (GN) when I'm not looking. :biggrin: .....O...and she is a Great cook too! Only problem is that she is afraid to ride in the Beast (GN), probably had something to do with sucking the paint off a stage 3 Roush Rustang, when she was riding in the Buick a while back.............Now I have to promise her that I will be good each and every time before she will ride in the Beast now.............:biggrin:

 

[Ms. FastNasty]

So I've been reading through these forums for a while now...and with absolutely NO car knowledge (other than where the gas pedal is located) I finally find this one and I can REPLY! :biggrin:
So mostly guys replied...I thought I would reply...since I'm the wife in my situation. My husband is like most on here...a car FANATIC...he would park the darn thing in our bedroom and sleep in it if I let him.
Long story short, "the husband" bought a 1988 Camaro IROC...wanted to make it go fast, which in the end cost us about $18K and running. We talked and agreed the only money to go in the blue money pit is EXTRA money. So, as long as the bills were paid, there was money in the savings, if we had extra money, we would buy a part (or two). This is with a 5 year old, and a 1 year old mind you. With us, I manage the bills, so he gave me a list of the parts he wanted...and as I could fit them in, I did. He got lucky in our situation...about mid way through the Camaro project my dad gave me his 1986 Grand National...so now momma has a project of her own...and the extra money no longer goes to the Camaro...he he he.
Your wife no doubt loves you...and should care about and respect the things in life that make you happy. Although I personally don't see any reason in spending what we did on his car...we did. Have you tried getting her interested in cars? Another thought...we have a 5 gallon jug in our house. Everytime we have change or one dollar bills we put them in there. In about 6 months we got around $300.00 in there. Wish you the best of luck...:biggrin:

 

[dragonational]

Well i think that we may be Twins. I to am military 27 years old and have two boys. I would suggest taking half of the money in the new "raise" we just got and put half in savings or some kind of account for the future and then half for the car. This way it shows the wife that you arnt just wanting to put the money in the car. My wife thinks the same way as yours does in the lines of the money can be used elsewhere. So what i said above was the aggrement i made with her. Any bonuses i get or any deployed money i get goes at a 70/30 split with 70 going to the kids college fund or sometimes the rainy day fund to have fun. The 30 goes into the car fund. Just a different option you can try. Harry

 

[BadAssGN]

My New Wife (everyone needs a practice wife) Loves the GN

4 or 5 months in to our relationship I blew the engine at the track.
She helped me fund a new engine so we could have the car back :biggrin:

That engine lasted a little while (poor machine work) and we have since built a pretty solid engine and painted the car.

She loves the car and is cool with the costs, but household stuff and kids come first.

 

[usetaboost]

Same here, plus two animals

I tell ya it's the never ending story. I haven't read all the posts but I too know what ur going through. We were scraping the barrel when I tooka loan out for a car I coudln't drive. SOunds selfish doesn't it? Well before I bought this POS I got rid of my 79 sport coupe and my first car, an 86 TPI z28. Might not seem like much but I had a lot of time in both cars and actually wanted to keep them. But things happen, you get fired, laid off, have a baby, wife wants a nicer car for her and the baby, then time comes to buy a house, then some new furniture, it goes on and on. I've been working on my car for 3 years now I think, borrowed more money against it so I could buy a car to drive to work, did some backyard mechanic work to pay for buick parts but usually went to bills or clothes, then wife wants a hot rod too cause she got a job, things get better.

If you don't have a lot of money right now, just tuck it away and save it for later for when you DO have some real money to spend on it. If you don't have any money to spend on it now you should be saving what you do have for things she may need. Women love to shop, just like we do for our cars:biggrin: If you wanna spend some money on the buick, let her spend some money on herself FIRST. If you start putting the family and house in front every once in a while, she might actually start to show a real interest in the car and have you start working on it again. Just my 2 cents

 

[03FatBoy]

Family First

The family always comes first. When I was married, and even with two kids, at one time we had literally 13 cars... a few were parts cars and projects, but thankfully, she was into the old cars.
We did divorce, and for the most part, amicably, but after moving out and having to sell off cars, tools and parts to pay income taxes (deductions went away), and living expenses, I was really frustrated.
What I am getting at is I ensured I was a father first, and the kids are 1st priority. I bought a townhouse I hate, but wanted to stay close to the kids to be involved. Eventually I was able to buy a toy... bought a Harley, and recently traded that for a Grand National.
There IS light at the end of the tunnel. I had to sacrifice quite a lot of the things I wanted to do, but I am slowly getting back. My kids are 18 and 16, and I will never get this time back.
Hang in there, and thank you for your service! I am also proud to be a Army civilian with 35 years of service supporting you guys!

 

[V6UnderPressure]

I learned a long time ago you can't live by the "what if what if" mind set....or you'll end up dying and never getting to really enjoy life to the fullest.

This quote in my opinion is exactly right. Why spend your entire life worrying when there is nothing to worry about. When you have a problem, then you can worry, but so many people worry about the future. If its not the future, then why worry?

I am in the same boat somewhat as you. I got married in July of 07 and have a baby girl on the way due in March. I am the bread winner and my wife makes half as much as I do. I pay the Mortgage and insurance, and she pays everything else (phone, gas, electric, etc.) She saves a bit more than I do as of course I get the mortgage. But I always make it work. I told her before we got married that money does go to the car. Since she is able to save more than me, I told her that she can't get on me when I purchase something. I have always looked out for our finances with great results, and always have managed the finances and have never been short. I basically told her if she'd like to split the mortgage, then we can do that. She keeps quiet regarding the money issue now.

However, I do know that yes, my daughter will require time and money which I am willing to sacrifice. This is what I will have to accept being that I wanted to start a family. So I have no problem with that. I myself didn't grow up rich. I had mostly hand-me-down clothes my entire life until I became 16 and got my first job. I worked as much as I could, and I appreciate everything I have ever purchased myself. Therefore, I take good care of all my things, including my cars. They last longer that way and you save money in the long run. So of course, if I planned on running 25 psi on the street before I have a child, I will now kick it down to 20 psi, to prevent some sort of catastrophe that would possibly cost me money. Let's just say I will be toning it down a bit. But this doesn't mean I will quit my hobby. It's something that you need to enjoy. I could never imagine selling mine.

In short, you need to just try to convince the wife that its something you enjoy and to not think your world is gonna end tomorrow, because you just won't enjoy life as much. Live it to the fullest!

 

["Turbo-T"]

In short, you need to just try to convince the wife that its something you enjoy and to not think your world is gonna end tomorrow, because you just won't enjoy life as much. Live it to the fullest!

Man that's easier said than done.

Trust me I've tried this approach, but the wife is a control freak all the way. We had a discussion over this and she seems to think I should think ahead and not think about now. Which I know is somewhat true. She talks of "you need to think of retirement". Well yes...true....but then again what says I'm going to live to see retirement?

Another one is since we rent "you need to think about when we decide to buy a house, we need money to put down for the mortgage"....yet this time last year when we moved here she wanted to rent, not buy when the housing market was all for the buyer. When I asked why she insisted that since I'm military and "might" move around, she'd rather wait until I'm retired and we can finally find a place to buy when there's not much of a chance I might have to move.

We just did our taxes.....were received a nice tax refund this year. The wife originally said "we can use the tax return money to help get you another truck" since the truck i drive now is starting to fall apart. Well we got the taxes done, I told my mom my truck is starting to fall apart and as a good mom would do, offers an interest free loan but I don't want to have to "owe" someone for another bill...but now the wife prefers to keep 4/5th's of the money set aside "just in case"....in addition to the $3k I had before we married....and take my mom up on the loan...oh and decides to use 1/5th of the tax refund money so we can travel to NC and IN later this year.

So in my mind, she is living by the "what if what if" mind set, and sometimes it really pisses me off. I feel like I'm tied down. And in addition to that, her friends think I'm stupid for spending big money on a car. I am starting to think she's wanting for me to give up this hobby of mine but is afraid to say so. Right now she's thinking that we're going to be stuck working until we are into our 70's if we don't start saving now.

But I'm also thinking like you....I'd love to take my car to the track and see what it runs, but am afraid to because if i break it I know it's going to just sit in the garage for the next 20 years or until i decide to sell it cheap to get it gone.

 

[Grumpy]

Live it to the fullest!

Life is short. enjoy it

 

[V6UnderPressure]

Man that's easier said than done.

Trust me I've tried this approach, but the wife is a control freak all the way. We had a discussion over this and she seems to think I should think ahead and not think about now. Which I know is somewhat true. She talks of "you need to think of retirement". Well yes...true....but then again what says I'm going to live to see retirement?

Another one is since we rent "you need to think about when we decide to buy a house, we need money to put down for the mortgage"....yet this time last year when we moved here she wanted to rent, not buy when the housing market was all for the buyer. When I asked why she insisted that since I'm military and "might" move around, she'd rather wait until I'm retired and we can finally find a place to buy when there's not much of a chance I might have to move.

We just did our taxes.....were received a nice tax refund this year. The wife originally said "we can use the tax return money to help get you another truck" since the truck i drive now is starting to fall apart. Well we got the taxes done, I told my mom my truck is starting to fall apart and as a good mom would do, offers an interest free loan but I don't want to have to "owe" someone for another bill...but now the wife prefers to keep 4/5th's of the money set aside "just in case"....in addition to the $3k I had before we married....and take my mom up on the loan...oh and decides to use 1/5th of the tax refund money so we can travel to NC and IN later this year.

So in my mind, she is living by the "what if what if" mind set, and sometimes it really pisses me off. I feel like I'm tied down. And in addition to that, her friends think I'm stupid for spending big money on a car. I am starting to think she's wanting for me to give up this hobby of mine but is afraid to say so. Right now she's thinking that we're going to be stuck working until we are into our 70's if we don't start saving now.

But I'm also thinking like you....I'd love to take my car to the track and see what it runs, but am afraid to because if i break it I know it's going to just sit in the garage for the next 20 years or until i decide to sell it cheap to get it gone.

Well, renting is just throwing money away IMHO. So that sure isn't planning for the future. That's one thing she needs to know. It is SUCH a buyers market, that you need to be out there looking. Hell, even look for foreclosures that may even need some work. You can get something dirt cheap that even if you have to move, you can keep it and still use it as an investment and not lose your @$$ trying to sell it really quick. But I can tell you rent is not the way to go if she is worried about "the future". One thing you said, is that you don't know how long you are going to live. If I saved everything I had so that I can be rich at 65 years old, who says I will have anything I really want to do that costs money by then? I am enjoying it now and my wife understands that, but we do compromise. We do save a little (I have a 401k which I put in 6% every paycheck). And she saves what extra money she has in a savings. But by no means do I save every little penny. She needs to meet you in the middle somewhere. Good luck!