So when you have a wife and a kid, how do you do it?

["Turbo-T"]

How do you manage to keep your car hobby going?

Here's my story:

I'm married, I have a 4 month old baby girl who I love dearly. Mom stays home and takes care of baby and house while I'm off to work.

I'm military so I'm not rich, but I'm not exactly poor either. We live in a nice duplex in the country, we have a nice 2007 Honda CRV, then I have an old beater S-10 and the Regal.

I dont smoke, I do drink sometimes but not a lot. Wife does neither. We usually wear our Wal Mart brand clothes unless going out somewhere nice (which isn't often) then I'll wear some of my name brand clothes I have.

Now I have always put bills and the baby first in life. But here recently I received a $70 increase in my military housing allowance and I also just received like $100 or so increase in my base pay.

So I decide I'd like to take....maybe $25 every pay check and put in a savings account and slowly save up so I can use for personal things like if I want to buy something for the Regal.

Well I run this across the wife because even though I made the money and she takes care of the bills I feel she should know....and of course we agreed to talk about finances. Well I run it across her and it seems she takes it the wrong way. And this seems to always happen whenever I talk of how I'd like to "save up for something".

As an end result it usually ends up in an argument.

She thinks I'm not looking out for our future. She thinks all I want to do is live in the moment and not worry about anything else. Yes I will admit I want to have fun, and I understand I can't have all the fun I want to have but face it - you only live once, make the best use of the time God gives you on earth.

I learned a long time ago you can't live by the "what if what if" mind set....or you'll end up dying and never getting to really enjoy life to the fullest.

As for my wife....she grew up in poverty not having anything and thus IMO clutches onto every penny she can. I tell her that it's not as if I'm asking to take $100 a paycheck and save it. I honestly don't see why saving $25 a paycheck would hurt. I get paid twice a month. I told her "what if I smoked a pack a day...now times that by 7 days, see how much it adds up to". Now see how much I'm asking to take out of my check each payday? It's less than one who smokes a pack a day.

So with that said in the last 6 months, I've been selling off things out of my garage and home for "play money". I sold an engine I really wanted to build. I sold the stand it stood on. I've sold misc. car parts I had around the garage. I've sold radios. Anything I had worth anything in the garage I sold for play money.

Now thankfully right now my TR starts and runs and drives. But there's still improvements I'm doing to it. I want to put in new carpet. I want to get an appraisal on it once I have it fixed up how I want it.

And of course I don't drag race it (though I want to) because (1.) I don't want to crash into the wall and possibly not be there anymore for my little girl/wife and (2.) I don't want to break the car and not be able to afford to fix it.

Before we married I had a lot of cash to spend as I pleased, but rearely ever did....I don't immediatley blow a wad of money when i get it. I just shop around and buy a little here and there.

When we married she said she wouldn't make me give up my hobby. But if I can't take a little out of every check, then how am I supposed to keep this hobby going? Getting a 2nd job really isn't an option. As of now I'm thinking of setting up an allotment to a savings account and then using that as play money and letting the rest go into the check book. She doesn't check my LES's, just how much goes into the account.

I'm sure some of you have had a similar issue as mine, so I'd like to see how you are able to keep your hobby going while married and having a kid.

 

[WS6]

sorry dude...

Read through your post...twice... and came to the same conclusion. You know exactly what to do and your posting here to be talked out of it. You are a father now and that comes with all kinds of responsibilities,duties and moral obligations. Own it...you won't regret it when your daughter turns out to be happy and well adjusted.

Having a 7 year old now seems like child's play(pun not intended) compared to the early days of life with a newborn up to 3 years old. I mean at $75 a week for diapers I thought all I worked for was being filled with poop...literally.

It's just an adjustment to your way of thinking that all dad's go through. Some step up and some do not.

You know what to do...

 

["Turbo-T"]

You're right, I know what I gotta do and I do it well. I'll be a dad and husband first and foremost. Just wanted to see how some of you support your hobby...if you had to take up a 2nd job or if the wife was cool with you saving $10 here and $10 there out of your paycheck and putting it in a jar for when you want to buy something for the car.

 

[WS6]

I would take up a second job if needed, but to expand the family's bank account, not to support my car hobby. See, to me, the two are not mutually exclusive.
Seems your wife is trying to tell you that by being upset with your request.

I'm in your position, my friends are in our position, lots of guys here are in our position.

When it goes wrong is when one or both start seperating the money into mine,yours and ours..."Ours" always suffers...then the marriage does.

But, you know...giving advice like this over the internet...on a Turbo Buick forum...is bound to get misunderstood.

If I were you and I still felt like my solution was reasonable I would run it by some neutral friends or family members.

Maybe your weekly setback idea is a good compromise. But it sounds like Momma is none-to-pleased with it.

 

[Chuck Leeper]

I saw no mention of a college fund, nor a "slush fund" for bad times, mentioned.
If you don't make it "20 and out", and get out of the military, what "safety net" do you have?? Without a savings.. Likely the car will be the first to go..
If you do the 20, and get out, into the civilian job mkt, and it goes "tango uniform", what then??
U R talking $175/mo.. Taxes are going to get part of that.
Rule of thumb on savings "safety net": MINIMUM 6 mo pay in the acct. Probably w/ the economy as it is now, 12 mo's may not be enuf.
Household, kid, FIRST....savings next, cars/hobby LAST!

 

["Turbo-T"]

We do have some money tucked away in case of an emergency.

I've got just over 10 in the military now. Most likely gonna push it to 20 if not more and retire.

 

[corsair231]

I somewhat disagree. I think it is a way of thinking that all wives go through. I know mine does.

I do see the reasoning behind it. More money in means an easier time making ends meet, a little more whatever for the family, and maybe steak out instead of hamburger in. Granted those are the things that are important to both of you and not just her, but she probably deals with that aspect more than you do. Your car is seen as a luxury or a toy that is yours alone and because of that it automatically falls last on the list. Usually more money coming in just means your list gets bigger but the bottom of the list stays just that, the bottom of the list.

My situation is only a little different, I do drive my car daily so my wife does understand the need to keep it up as far as routine maintenance but when I want to do anything to it appearance or performance wise I get the same thing which boils down to, "It's not the family car", ie: "If you have extra money, I want it."

That being said, cars can be money pits, but they can also be investments. I know most modified cars do not ever bring what is put into them as far as resale but if done right they can be a way to have a hobby and offset the expense of that hobby by retaining some value. If you can get your wife to understand that she may be a little more willing to allow you to invest your money. If you were playing golf instead, what value would you be gaining. A new interior, on the other hand, not only will it make it more attractive, it can increase the resale value.

Another idea is to be specific in what you want. Save for a particular part like new injectors, instead of saving to just "use it on the car". It makes it seem like the money is going towards a goal and will not be wasted on "fuzzy dice." You can also save more than you need. Agree to save some money for a general fund that can be used for other things besides the car that the family would enjoy. Just make the stipulation that you will never use more than half of what you have saved at a time for the car, with her approval of course. That way she'll know that you'll still have a little cushion if needed.

Keep it focused too. I'm sure she probably drives the Honda which being only two years old (if you are like most people) you are still making payments on. And that is okay. The wife should drive a very dependable vehicle and that usually means "newer" but you should have something decent too. You said you have a beater S-10. Keep it a beater. Don't try to fix-up two vehicles at once. Maintain it enough that it barely stays running while you concentrate on the Regal or even step up to driving the Regal more. If she see's that you are serious or that it's more valuable as a vehicle she may have less objections to sprucing it up.

This is of course dependant on if you can afford it. Take care of your family and your bills. Make sure you have family savings first, before your fun fund. Providing that you have all that taken care of you should be able to come to some way to continue your hobby. Even if it means a choice to eat hamburger in instead of steak out. Who knows, your Regal could end up being your daughter's car someday. It could be what helps to put her through school. Or it could be a rust bucket, either way, if you enjoy it as a family, the memories will be priceless.

Either way, try to get her involved. If it becomes your hobby together then it will move up on the list a little.

 

[Grumpy]

How do you manage to keep your car hobby going?

well that is a tuff question to answer. When I got married a lot of "deals" came up when buddies got married.. First thing to go was the car. I cried when these deals came up and finally the wife asked "can you make $$$ on them" .."Of course dear" The rest is history! BUT I will be the first to admit.. Things got "ugly" every now and then Cars got to be like an addiction!! My hobby grew into a job and now a gazillion years later its finally back to a hobby.
$$$$ makes the world go round. Prob be better to get some $$$$ behind ya while your young and foolish :biggrin: hmmm thinkin here.. when ya get old ya still want $$$ behind ya to.. double edge sword.

 

[TexasT]

You have a good thing going there. You could have the opposite, a wife that can't/won't manage the money. she could be out at the PX on payday like the rest of the crowd blowing it on whatever new dodad catches her eye.

I would suggest sitting down with her to setting up a budget that involves some discretionary money for her as well as you. It can be a small amount for each. You might even set aside some for the squid. This could be used for the many wants one comes up with.

Just wait til you have more than one. Multiply the time spent and you'd think you are strained now. I wouldn't trade mine for the world. That's why my Regal hasn't been streetable in over ten(Yes 10) years.

Good luck with your decisions.

 

[88ZNX]

Do you two like to read? Check out these 3 books and it might help out Alot. Your Best Life Now, The Total Money Makeover, and 48 Days to the work you love. All can be purchased at Dave Ramsey.com Thats a good read and brain food for you guys.

Best of luck with you.

 

[notacarlo]

I binge spend. Make a list of the most important things you need for the TR. If and when you get any kind of bonus, buy one thing. Give the rest to the wife.

It a long drawn out process, but in the end you get what you need and you get the right stuff rather than a bunch of needless things. Plus it gives you time to research via this board and make edumacated decisions.


My $.02


Thanks for your service.

 

[TURBOPOWERED68]

My wife works full time and I also have a full time job. We have a “in stone budget” and then we have my budget which comes from my side jobs, night jobs, holiday jobs and emergency jobs So basically my “Toys” and family vacations get supported by MY money that isn’t and wasn’t in the “Budget” at the same time she knows that if something goes wrong that I will give up the car stash for the benefit of the family or if she “needs” something.
1-Does she have a hobby? If No, this will make your argument even harder to sell. “Why do you need/have a hobby and I don’t”
Side note
My wife hates my cars but she likes the fact that instead of me being out with the “boys” id rather be a grease monkey in the garage. And because of this she sortta supports the car thing.

Good luck and work it out, A happy wife equals a happy husband-Well at least in my case.

 

[Rivical]

You have a good thing going there. You could have the opposite, a wife that can't/won't manage the money. she could be out at the PX on payday like the rest of the crowd blowing it on whatever new dodad catches her eye.

I would suggest sitting down with her to setting up a budget that involves some discretionary money for her as well as you. It can be a small amount for each. You might even set aside some for the squid. This could be used for the many wants one comes up with.

Just wait til you have more than one. Multiply the time spent and you'd think you are strained now. I wouldn't trade mine for the world. That's why my Regal hasn't been streetable in over ten(Yes 10) years.

Good luck with your decisions.

My Riviera has been dusty for over 3yrs now. Three kids and all of the reponsibilities first ya know. Add a hundred year old home's renovation ongoing and you get the picture. After reading your posts I do feel lucky indeed that my wife has a good fulltime job and our budget's still a little flexible. Each having our own discretionary$$. And that's All "ours", there's no me in family. That's still not gettin the Rivi repainted tho. At least the couple times I've thought to sell it to raise some cash she's squashed the idea flat!

 

[SS_Sean]

For you guys with wife and kids, I respect you very much for what you do. I'm 40 and single for good reason. I could never make the program work...

 

[regal-nut]

I have to say i think that everyone goes though this. It took me some time to get it in my wifes head that the car is not going, it was here before her. I told her that i will find another car to do after the regal. I did tell her that if she wants a ride that i will do one for her, but only after the regal is done.I did also use the going out to the bars and all that stuff to. She did agree that at least i am at home. We dont drink that much but we do smoke. I do make make shure that the 6 year old does get what she needs. I do try to get the wife stuf that she needs too. One thing that i use to do for spare money is scraping,but with the economy that has to go to bills.I dont think that $20.00 a week is to unreasable to ask but tell her that she can have a little to that way she dont feel left out and that keeps the arguments to a min because she feels that she still has some control. For the longest time i was the total bread winner but we know that it takes two incomes to just stay aflot. It boils down to this if she married you then she has to except you for who you are thats how love works. You have to be best of friends. One thing you will learn is the older you get you will just let stuff roll off the shoulders. Ok i got to stop now or i will get to long winded.

 

[86george]

Women are great.They marry you because they like who you are and then spend the rest of their life trying to change you.You've got to love them.

 

[TURBOPOWERED68]

For you guys with wife and kids, I respect you very much for what you do. I'm 40 and single for good reason. I could never make the program work...

you are the smartest one of us all.

BTW 3 kids here:biggrin: but thats it NO MORE KIDS EVER.

 

[GregInAtl]

I am w/ you but my son is 2, I have wife who bring in nearly $0 a month and spends time mostly being mom (Which was our choise). We gave up bigger house, nicer cars, and toys to put time into our son. Its something I have not regretted, and hopefully never will. I was used to extra cash, cars every 2 years,a nd modding them all constantly. Between economy and increase costs, I am blessed to be where I am right at avg American. Hopefully one day we can resume saving money (what she earns), and plan for retirement, but in todays market, we just try to stay afloat.

 

[Silver Fox]

How do you manage to keep your car hobby going?

Here's my story:

I'm married, I have a 4 month old baby girl who I love dearly. Mom stays home and takes care of baby and house while I'm off to work.

I'm military so I'm not rich, but I'm not exactly poor either. We live in a nice duplex in the country, we have a nice 2007 Honda CRV, then I have an old beater S-10 and the Regal.

I dont smoke, I do drink sometimes but not a lot. Wife does neither. We usually wear our Wal Mart brand clothes unless going out somewhere nice (which isn't often) then I'll wear some of my name brand clothes I have.

Now I have always put bills and the baby first in life. But here recently I received a $70 increase in my military housing allowance and I also just received like $100 or so increase in my base pay.

So I decide I'd like to take....maybe $25 every pay check and put in a savings account and slowly save up so I can use for personal things like if I want to buy something for the Regal.

Well I run this across the wife because even though I made the money and she takes care of the bills I feel she should know....and of course we agreed to talk about finances. Well I run it across her and it seems she takes it the wrong way. And this seems to always happen whenever I talk of how I'd like to "save up for something".

As an end result it usually ends up in an argument.

She thinks I'm not looking out for our future. She thinks all I want to do is live in the moment and not worry about anything else. Yes I will admit I want to have fun, and I understand I can't have all the fun I want to have but face it - you only live once, make the best use of the time God gives you on earth.

I learned a long time ago you can't live by the "what if what if" mind set....or you'll end up dying and never getting to really enjoy life to the fullest.

As for my wife....she grew up in poverty not having anything and thus IMO clutches onto every penny she can. I tell her that it's not as if I'm asking to take $100 a paycheck and save it. I honestly don't see why saving $25 a paycheck would hurt. I get paid twice a month. I told her "what if I smoked a pack a day...now times that by 7 days, see how much it adds up to". Now see how much I'm asking to take out of my check each payday? It's less than one who smokes a pack a day.

So with that said in the last 6 months, I've been selling off things out of my garage and home for "play money". I sold an engine I really wanted to build. I sold the stand it stood on. I've sold misc. car parts I had around the garage. I've sold radios. Anything I had worth anything in the garage I sold for play money.

Now thankfully right now my TR starts and runs and drives. But there's still improvements I'm doing to it. I want to put in new carpet. I want to get an appraisal on it once I have it fixed up how I want it.

And of course I don't drag race it (though I want to) because (1.) I don't want to crash into the wall and possibly not be there anymore for my little girl/wife and (2.) I don't want to break the car and not be able to afford to fix it.

Before we married I had a lot of cash to spend as I pleased, but rearely ever did....I don't immediatley blow a wad of money when i get it. I just shop around and buy a little here and there.

When we married she said she wouldn't make me give up my hobby. But if I can't take a little out of every check, then how am I supposed to keep this hobby going? Getting a 2nd job really isn't an option. As of now I'm thinking of setting up an allotment to a savings account and then using that as play money and letting the rest go into the check book. She doesn't check my LES's, just how much goes into the account.

I'm sure some of you have had a similar issue as mine, so I'd like to see how you are able to keep your hobby going while married and having a kid.

I've been in the Air Force for 24 years now and understand your concerns.

The easy answer to your question is get promoted as quickly and often as you can - that is the philosophy I followed and I will be retiring in 82 days as an E-9. Not only did I get a pay raise with every promotion, but my retirement pay (life-long benefit) will also be higher than if I retired at a lower rank.

First off - save some money for the future if that is via TSP or an IRA. And as mentioned above, set aside six months pay for an emergency. A fast Buick is nice, but a nice savings account/long term investment strategy/educational account for your daughter is much more important. The sooner you start all this, the better off you will be in the future.

I actually fund my Turbo-T upgrades via my per diem money when I am TDY. Instead of going out to eat, I hit a grocery store and load up on groceries and eat in the room. It saves me a lot of money versus going to the "Outback" or some other place that I would spend $25.00 or more for a meal. Often times, my wife does not know I have this extra money and I can by Buick parts on the sly.

And as mentioned by others previously - save for some of the expenses that are in your future before putting money in your TR. Keep it running, keep it in good tune, and upgrade slowly as your budget allows.

I was an E-8 before I felt comfortable buying a TR, and an E-9 before I felt I had enough money to start doing the mods I want to do.

Money is a challenge on a military income, especially if you are in the enlisted pay grades. However, with wise planning, prudent spending, and motivation to get promoted and increase both your levels of responsibility and pay, you will be able to get everything you want.

My Buick is far from being finished. I would love to have a new paint job, 6157 or 6262 turbo, Kurtz rebuilt transmission, new rear suspension, etc, etc, but with my current income/job change coming up, I will just continue to think about these upgrades I want. I figure in another 20 years, I will have the car I way I like. But in the short term, I want my 1-3 acre lot in Lavernia, Texas with a 2400 square foot house with a three car garage and a detached three to four car garage, so my money is being devoted for that.

However, I do have three more TDYs coming up before I retire, so a few more peanut butter and jelly sandwiches might let me get a few more car parts in the near future!

Good luck.

 

[UNGN]

My Power Wheels hobby started because I didn't have the time or money to spend on cars and wanted to spend more time with my son and now it provides a little money for my other hobbies.

Now that my son is older, we are easing back into cars, but not too fast to avoid pissing off the wife. Clearing the Power Wheels and parts out of my garage would make her very happy, though, so I need to do that before I get fully back into cars.