Recent content by Tony Baloni

Hey youse Double Pumpers, I've got Big News! Yours truly has been selected to repreesent da good ole' U.S.A. In da most gruelling & prestigious race dare is. Dat's right, It's Da race aroun' Da Woyld! We staht in L.A. An Drive all da way around da globe. Foyst one back to L.A. wins $25...

Well I'ze knows it's been awhile since i've been around, but a big ting has happened in ole Ton'ys life. Well a big ting besides da lucrative defense contract scams i've been skimmin' off da top of. Well ta be blunt...I tink i'm in love. It happened tree munts ago. I was sittin at a...

RACE IN HELL Paht II Tony looked around at the packed crowd in da bleachers alongside da track. Dey wuz filled wit da usual people you’d expect to see down in Hades. Jack da Rippah…Stalin…DMV employees… Just den Tony heard da rumble of a...

Just when I thought I wuz out dey pull me back in. Hey youse, Knock Sensahs! I hasn’t been around lately due to ah problem dat developed wit dis rice-ah kid. See…I wuz mindin’ my own beez wax when dis little cam button come by saying ta me, “Hey, Mistah, your cah is old and slow” and makin’...

So dere I am cruisin’ down da street Christmas eve in my GN. Knockin’ back my tird Manhattan, gettin’ in da festive mood, yuz knows, when I see sometin’ outta da cornah of my eye. Soez I pull ovah to dis alley an’ get outta my cah and dares a bunch of reindeeah standin’ around. Well, sittin’...

Installed my new 5000 octane race chip today an’ took my cah out for a spin. Lemme tell youse Billetheads dis ting is da cat’s pajamas. Den suddenly I noticed sometin’ funny happnin! Come to find out dis chip bumps up da timin’ so much it actually distorts da space-time continuum. So dare I...

Installed my new 5000 octane race chip today an’ took my cah out for a spin. Lemme tell youse Billetheads dis ting is da cat’s pajamas. Den suddenly I noticed sometin’ funny happnin! Come to find out dis chip bumps up da timin’ so much it actually distorts da space-time continuum. So dare I...

So youse Pinion snubbahs have been missin ole’ Tony, eh? Well whooze could blame ya. Lemme tell yuz whats been happenin…My GN’s been runnen a bit rough soez I hooked up my scan tool an took her out. Well I pull up to dis red light an dare I am mindin’ my own beeze waxcheckin my BLM’s BLT’s...

Need ta work on yer tranny but youse got no cah lift? Well ole' Tony Baloni has got da answer again lifta lips foyst, check da obituaries in yer local paper an see who's died recently. Den go to da cemetary where dare gonna plant da corpse an BANGO! you will find a nice pit dug. Just drive...

Well I got my new turbo today, It's one of doze TE 64,683,288's so I put it on an go for a test run. I get on it an BANGO! nex ting i knows I'm tru da earts atmosphere an in outta space. So dare I am in outta space mindin' my own beeze wax when who should pull up by me but James T Kirk in...

So dare I am Mindin my own beez wax when my friggin t-tops start leakin' well ole Tony Baloni has found da perfect cheap fix for dat an I'm graciously gonna shares it wit youse MAF-holes. Go to your local junk yard an find one of doze big yella school buses. doesn't mattah what year or make...

So dare I wuz, mindin' my own beez wax at a red light when dis old broad pulls up by my GN in I think a 98 Cavalier. Sheesh, dis old fossil musta been a hundret yeehs oldt., But I could tell she wuz gonna try to get by me. Soez I noticed her passenger window is down, soez I start to build up...