Divorce sucks
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I sold teh GN to buy her the 07 Mazda3 I am now driving...she started her second affair not but a month after I did that.
Well, I am back from Dallas and got things worked out. I am going to do what is best for my son and take charge of the situation and no matter how impossibly hard it will be, I am going to force myself to quit pining after what we had together.
Well, I am back from Dallas and got things worked out. I am going to do what is best for my son and take charge of the situation and no matter how impossibly hard it will be, I am going to force myself to quit pining after what we had together.
Sorry to hear. I just got married in Dec. (first time) I am 34 was single and no kids of my own this whole time. The best i can say is keep the good lord on your side. There is lots of judges now siding for the father. Because most women (not all) cant handle the bills,work,and rase a kid.Then they live on the government. At least us men can do it. And most fathers that have there kids don't get child care help and when they do it's not much. I have been there for lots of my friend that have or are going through a divorse. Ohio does not have any laws on adultry any more. So look in to that. like i said sorry to here wish u the best of luck feel free to pm me any time.
Paul
Paul
THe good news: it is not a foregone conclusion these days that the mother will automitically gain custody. It will depend on who can better give the child a more stable upbringing. The bad news: it almost always is an uphill and usually nasty battle. (but the fact she is catting around and this isn;t even the first time will not work in her favor). Get a lawyer and cease all communications with her asap if you haven't already, and get ready for the storm.The next 6-12 months will be hard on you, but it will get better.
worthamterrence
Member
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2006
- Messages
- 49
you would be a fool to take her back
I don't think anyone has mentioned this, and I don't want to scare you or add to your list of things to worry about, but you need to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. You don't know what she has exposed you to by her infidelities. Go to your family physician and explain the situation to him/her. They will then test you and may recommend testing you again in 6 months. Do not listen to her if she tells you that they used a condom. That is not 100% effective against transmission of diseases.
I know you have heard from the male point of view in this forum. As a woman that has been married for almost 17 years, what you are going through would be my worst nightmare. There is no excuse for her behavior. My husband and I have always told each other that if one of us ever cheated on the other that it would be over. Period. You can never trust that person again. That is no way to live your life...wondering, every day.
I also believe that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes what happens to you is hard to deal with. But I think there is someone else out there that you are meant to be with that will love and appreciate and respect you.
Good luck with the decisions you make, and make your son your priority.
I know you have heard from the male point of view in this forum. As a woman that has been married for almost 17 years, what you are going through would be my worst nightmare. There is no excuse for her behavior. My husband and I have always told each other that if one of us ever cheated on the other that it would be over. Period. You can never trust that person again. That is no way to live your life...wondering, every day.
I also believe that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes what happens to you is hard to deal with. But I think there is someone else out there that you are meant to be with that will love and appreciate and respect you.
Good luck with the decisions you make, and make your son your priority.
chopped39
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2004
- Messages
- 4,266
Move on my friend. It is hard to do but time is the fix. I have been divorced since 1999 .My wife and I were best friends for 16 years when we got married. We were married for a year and two months when i filed for divorce.I found out she was cheating from one of her cousins. She also told me that she cheated before we got married
Once a cheat always a cheat. My wife did not want to get divorced
She wanted to have her cake and eat it to. Well it has been almost 9 years since i talked to her and i feel fine. it sucked for a while. banging her cousin helped a little:biggrin: I did not do that to piss her off. just wanted to. What ever you do. Do not and I repeat DO NOT go and visit her boyfriend. I did that and let me tell you I dont know what happened. I went to his house and thought i was going to shake his hand. When he answered the door I punched him through the screen door and did not stop.I am lucky i did not go to jail. I did not think i was a violent person until that day. I do not suggest meeting up with him. Think real hard before you say anything bad about her also. She is the bad one. NOT YOU. Your thinking about your child. When she cheated she showed you how much she was thinking and cared about your family and your child. I know how you feel. It sucks. One of the worst feelings you could have. It is just like everthing else. Time is the answer. one more thing you do not want to hear like above get tested for stds and worst of all get a dna test done on your baby. I know you cant believe what i just said but i have a friend that has six kids and found out 16 years later that none of the kids are his.He is nuts he is still married to his wife. after fighting with the courts tring to get his name off the kids . he gave up and stayed with her. Sorry for putting that in your head. But that is no joke.Best of luck to you.
Once a cheat always a cheat. My wife did not want to get divorced She wanted to have her cake and eat it to. Well it has been almost 9 years since i talked to her and i feel fine. it sucked for a while. banging her cousin helped a little:biggrin: I did not do that to piss her off. just wanted to. What ever you do. Do not and I repeat DO NOT go and visit her boyfriend. I did that and let me tell you I dont know what happened. I went to his house and thought i was going to shake his hand. When he answered the door I punched him through the screen door and did not stop.I am lucky i did not go to jail. I did not think i was a violent person until that day. I do not suggest meeting up with him. Think real hard before you say anything bad about her also. She is the bad one. NOT YOU. Your thinking about your child. When she cheated she showed you how much she was thinking and cared about your family and your child. I know how you feel. It sucks. One of the worst feelings you could have. It is just like everthing else. Time is the answer. one more thing you do not want to hear like above get tested for stds and worst of all get a dna test done on your baby. I know you cant believe what i just said but i have a friend that has six kids and found out 16 years later that none of the kids are his.He is nuts he is still married to his wife. after fighting with the courts tring to get his name off the kids . he gave up and stayed with her. Sorry for putting that in your head. But that is no joke.Best of luck to you.I have no advice for you, just an observation...
I spent 5 years in the Marine Corps. In the military you are encouraged to get married young because if you are single they force you to live in hell (the barracks)
So I saw a lot of young people get married.
I have determined through careful analysis that women under 25 are 86% likely to cheat no matter what. The percentage is inversely proportional to their age too. 20 year old girl is like 99:1 odds going to cheat.
The numbers get only slightly better up till about 27 when women freak out and realize their good looks are starting to head out the door. At 27+ they really start hunting for someone to latch on to before they start to look like hell and become an old maid.
The only chance for success under 25 I've seen are with really homely small town broads that have no aspirations and don't follow any trends whatsoever.
So don't feel alone. I would have been more surprised if both of you made it past 25 without this happening.
my one bit of advice. Get out and start enjoying life without her. You are still way way young. Hell, I'm 28.. If I woulda married in my early 20s I would have missed out on so much unbelievable awesomeness that I wouldn't know what to do with myself.
I spent 5 years in the Marine Corps. In the military you are encouraged to get married young because if you are single they force you to live in hell (the barracks)
So I saw a lot of young people get married.
I have determined through careful analysis that women under 25 are 86% likely to cheat no matter what. The percentage is inversely proportional to their age too. 20 year old girl is like 99:1 odds going to cheat.
The numbers get only slightly better up till about 27 when women freak out and realize their good looks are starting to head out the door. At 27+ they really start hunting for someone to latch on to before they start to look like hell and become an old maid.
The only chance for success under 25 I've seen are with really homely small town broads that have no aspirations and don't follow any trends whatsoever.
So don't feel alone. I would have been more surprised if both of you made it past 25 without this happening.
my one bit of advice. Get out and start enjoying life without her. You are still way way young. Hell, I'm 28.. If I woulda married in my early 20s I would have missed out on so much unbelievable awesomeness that I wouldn't know what to do with myself.
Junior Samples
Walk Away
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2007
- Messages
- 5,294
yeah find yourself a fat girl..they need love too
plus ya know what they say about fat girls and hondas!....fun to ride just dont let your friends catch you on one
plus ya know what they say about fat girls and hondas!....fun to ride just dont let your friends catch you on one
My son will be three on the 16th (this Sat).
Yes, I talked to her about STDs and I am going to go get tested despite what she thinks(and so is her boyfriend)
I do think that there is an inherent danger of anyone cheating, no matter the age or sex. It all depends on if you love them enough to keep yourself from those temptations.
I went and apologized to her friends yesterday when I got home for the way I had treated them...I felt that they did not have what was best for her in mind and resented them for it. They are her friends whether I like them or not.
I also sat sown and had a 3 hour conversation with her boyfriend. We were both very civil and handled it like gentlemen. I think it helped with the closure.
I have accepted that she chose to leave me and is not coming back. I dont care what anyone thinks, but I will always love her and will always be there for her. If she decides later on that she got done what she needed to get done and thinks that we are best, then so be it...if not, so be it. I love her enough to let her go. I also know in my heart we are always one even if we are not physically together - she will always be a part of me because she made me what I am today. I hope that she will not forget the changes she made through me either.
As far as getting out and doing lots of different things, I can tell you right now that there is almost no chance of that happening. That is not me. Ever since I was younger, the one thing I have always wanted from life is a family. That's it. I dont care about traveling the world, being rich, or even having cars(I am selling off all of my projects and only keeping the Mazda3 because it is reliable for my son) I am also going to fisnish school (almost there) and have my mech eng degree so that I can provide for my son.
I function as a father and a husband - I know that it has not been since I was younger that I was alone, but my happiness comes from my family. So does my strength. I am being strong for Vaughn, but I am also doing it for my wife, Mary. Without them, I would not have gotten as far as I have - I have no real desire to get things done without someone to do it for. I know I should do it for myself, but I never have and proabaly never will.
Wesley Bryant
Oh yeah, speaking of odds,(about young women cheating) you know as well as I do the chances of if I do find someone else, she will chose the same path as Mary. I say this because odds are I most likely will find someone else much like Mary and that people are always tempted, for most it is jsut a matter of time.
Yes, I talked to her about STDs and I am going to go get tested despite what she thinks(and so is her boyfriend)
I do think that there is an inherent danger of anyone cheating, no matter the age or sex. It all depends on if you love them enough to keep yourself from those temptations.
I went and apologized to her friends yesterday when I got home for the way I had treated them...I felt that they did not have what was best for her in mind and resented them for it. They are her friends whether I like them or not.
I also sat sown and had a 3 hour conversation with her boyfriend. We were both very civil and handled it like gentlemen. I think it helped with the closure.
I have accepted that she chose to leave me and is not coming back. I dont care what anyone thinks, but I will always love her and will always be there for her. If she decides later on that she got done what she needed to get done and thinks that we are best, then so be it...if not, so be it. I love her enough to let her go. I also know in my heart we are always one even if we are not physically together - she will always be a part of me because she made me what I am today. I hope that she will not forget the changes she made through me either.
As far as getting out and doing lots of different things, I can tell you right now that there is almost no chance of that happening. That is not me. Ever since I was younger, the one thing I have always wanted from life is a family. That's it. I dont care about traveling the world, being rich, or even having cars(I am selling off all of my projects and only keeping the Mazda3 because it is reliable for my son) I am also going to fisnish school (almost there) and have my mech eng degree so that I can provide for my son.
I function as a father and a husband - I know that it has not been since I was younger that I was alone, but my happiness comes from my family. So does my strength. I am being strong for Vaughn, but I am also doing it for my wife, Mary. Without them, I would not have gotten as far as I have - I have no real desire to get things done without someone to do it for. I know I should do it for myself, but I never have and proabaly never will.
Wesley Bryant
Oh yeah, speaking of odds,(about young women cheating) you know as well as I do the chances of if I do find someone else, she will chose the same path as Mary. I say this because odds are I most likely will find someone else much like Mary and that people are always tempted, for most it is jsut a matter of time.
Funny you mentioned this, I had a friend (28 years seniority over me) that advised me not to marry until I was past 25. I took his advice and waited until I was 28.
I'd really like to see if your comments in paragraph 2 actually do hold up. It sounds legit but is it really? I think it would be an interesting way of advising anyone young looking to get married to "marry older".
I thought it was mopeds instead of Hondas.....?
Are are you saying that the bigger they are the less likely they are to cheat?
If she decides later on that she got done what she needed to get done and thinks that we are best, then so be it...if not, so be it. I love her enough to let her go. I also know in my heart we are always one even if we are not physically together - she will always be a part of me because she made me what I am today. I hope that she will not forget the changes she made through me either
Sorry but you need some serious help....kick the slut to the curb. I know it hurts, but mark my words,you will NEVER be hurt like this again by any women,your skin thickens after this....after reading your last post ,it's almost like you want her to read this and make her think twice about what she is doing,(loosing a great guy)
Sorry but you need some serious help....kick the slut to the curb. I know it hurts, but mark my words,you will NEVER be hurt like this again by any women,your skin thickens after this....after reading your last post ,it's almost like you want her to read this and make her think twice about what she is doing,(loosing a great guy)
Here are a few things I can offer to you . . .
#1 Take care of your son! First & foremost!
#2 Your wife is a cheater & a lier. She will ALWAYS be one and you cant spend your life wondering if you can trust her. CAUSE YOU CAN'T!
#3 Go to Church/Sunday school. Or atleast counceling to help out with the really tough times.
#4 Find good honest friends to surround yourself with.
#5 Stay away from drugs & excessive alcohol.
It sounds like your a good person so all should end well for you. It won't be easy but you can do it.
Just rember. . .
Wasn't doesn't kill you will only make you stronger!
Hope this helps,
CC
#1 Take care of your son! First & foremost!
#2 Your wife is a cheater & a lier. She will ALWAYS be one and you cant spend your life wondering if you can trust her. CAUSE YOU CAN'T!
#3 Go to Church/Sunday school. Or atleast counceling to help out with the really tough times.
#4 Find good honest friends to surround yourself with.
#5 Stay away from drugs & excessive alcohol.
It sounds like your a good person so all should end well for you. It won't be easy but you can do it.
Just rember. . .
Wasn't doesn't kill you will only make you stronger!
Hope this helps,
CC
Jack Armstrong
Survivor
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2008
- Messages
- 191
Co-Dependency Is A Family Disease
No amount of typing on a Buick messageboard will "fix" the situation.
So, since that situation is now beyond "un-doing", let's move into
the present and future, focusing on healing, learning, growing
and gaining the tools & knowledge to pull out of this catastrophe,
turn it into an opportunity, and not do-it-again-and-again.
Have never seen any "one-thing" do more to help folks just like you
to help themselves (and others) than finding & attending the "Coda"
meetings in your hometown area.
Do it to reclaim a chance for a healthy life for yourself,
and if that's not enough motivation or inspiration,
do it to limit the effects of CO-DEPENDENCY on your children.
CoDA World Fellowship welcomes you
If you can *make yourself* find the location & attend *one* meeting,
then there will be genuine cause for hope. You'll have to overcome all
your "why-nots" in order to attend the initial meeting.
All the rest will become much easier,
as positive change brings pleasant rewards. --- :smile:
No amount of typing on a Buick messageboard will "fix" the situation.
So, since that situation is now beyond "un-doing", let's move into
the present and future, focusing on healing, learning, growing
and gaining the tools & knowledge to pull out of this catastrophe,
turn it into an opportunity, and not do-it-again-and-again.
Have never seen any "one-thing" do more to help folks just like you
to help themselves (and others) than finding & attending the "Coda"
meetings in your hometown area.
Do it to reclaim a chance for a healthy life for yourself,
and if that's not enough motivation or inspiration,
do it to limit the effects of CO-DEPENDENCY on your children.
CoDA World Fellowship welcomes you
If you can *make yourself* find the location & attend *one* meeting,
then there will be genuine cause for hope. You'll have to overcome all
your "why-nots" in order to attend the initial meeting.
All the rest will become much easier,
as positive change brings pleasant rewards. --- :smile:
tomcatturbo
Member
- Joined
- Dec 6, 2005
- Messages
- 1,104
My Advice....
Women can be so dam evil. I think there's an inner part of every man, which subconciously hates women, and can't stand them. Even happily married men quietly agree with this theory, therefore realize one thing-
A Happy and Content Life is not solely dependent on the love from a Woman.
Find happiness through meditation-religion-a hobby ( a nice ride in a Turbobuick will work
)
Excercise or workout
Pray
Take a walk in a beautiful park and oberserve your surroundings-trees-birds-animals
Surround yourself with positive influences and friends
Take a Bike Ride
Go to a Petstore
Go get a cup of Starbucks Coffee
Take a stroll through the Mall and observe people
Don't allow yourself to become Depressed!!! Fight Depression!!!
Finally- keep in touch with your Turbobuick brothers here. There's a bunch of really goodguys in this Board.
Women can be so dam evil. I think there's an inner part of every man, which subconciously hates women, and can't stand them. Even happily married men quietly agree with this theory, therefore realize one thing-
A Happy and Content Life is not solely dependent on the love from a Woman.
Find happiness through meditation-religion-a hobby ( a nice ride in a Turbobuick will work
)Excercise or workout
Pray
Take a walk in a beautiful park and oberserve your surroundings-trees-birds-animals
Surround yourself with positive influences and friends
Take a Bike Ride
Go to a Petstore
Go get a cup of Starbucks Coffee
Take a stroll through the Mall and observe people
Don't allow yourself to become Depressed!!! Fight Depression!!!
Finally- keep in touch with your Turbobuick brothers here. There's a bunch of really goodguys in this Board.
