Behind every successful woman, there is a satisfied man.
But behind a satisfied woman, there is an exhausted man
=======================================
Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes u get full satisfactory service,
and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service "
=======================================
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of playboy
and .... Wife on the cover of "missing persons"
=======================================
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: doctor !!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johhny: Coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to
take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it
=======================================
Woman complaining to dentist: "It ' s so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed.
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly.
=======================================
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN. The engraver shortened it to: " RETURNED UNOPENED "
=======================================
A kid asked the priest " Father, what is your pastime? "
The priest tapped the kid's shoulder and replied "Nun, my
child, nun"
Genie
A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a
bottle. She picked it up and rubbed it, and 'lo-and-behold' a
genie appeared! The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.
The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook
myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be?"
The woman did not hesitate.
She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want
these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the
Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring
about world peace and harmony."
The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable.
These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of
shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good but
not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and
please be reasonable."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been
able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and
fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is great in
bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the
time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for ... a good man."
The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see that map again"
===============================================
Ur Call
This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95.
CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.
CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier USS LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
But behind a satisfied woman, there is an exhausted man
=======================================
Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes u get full satisfactory service,
and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service "
=======================================
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of playboy
and .... Wife on the cover of "missing persons"
=======================================
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: doctor !!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johhny: Coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to
take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it
=======================================
Woman complaining to dentist: "It ' s so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed.
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly.
=======================================
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN. The engraver shortened it to: " RETURNED UNOPENED "
=======================================
A kid asked the priest " Father, what is your pastime? "
The priest tapped the kid's shoulder and replied "Nun, my
child, nun"
Genie
A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a
bottle. She picked it up and rubbed it, and 'lo-and-behold' a
genie appeared! The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.
The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook
myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be?"
The woman did not hesitate.
She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want
these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the
Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring
about world peace and harmony."
The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable.
These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of
shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good but
not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and
please be reasonable."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been
able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and
fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is great in
bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the
time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for ... a good man."
The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see that map again"
===============================================
Ur Call
This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95.
CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.
CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier USS LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
