Jokes

[turbosam6]

A man walks into a bar and yells, " All right, who thinks he is the strongest man in this place?"

A big musclebound guy stands up, puts his hands on his hips and says, "I am. Whats it to you?"

"Listen" says the man, "can you help me push my car to the gas station?"

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A married couple is walking past their neighbors house. "John and Sarah are so loving towards each other," says the wife. "Every time he sees her he gives her a big kiss....unlike SOMEONE I know."

"Hey, I'd love to", says the husband. "But I really don't know her that well."

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Courtesy of this months Maxim magazine

 

[Nick Micale]

Sam, you have too much free time on your hands, need to get the GN running again!

 

[turbosam6]

Thats all in your hands Nick! I'm ready for that motor, got all the parts sittin'.

Work has slowed down a lot, so I have more time. By the time you send me that motor it will be so busy I won't get time to put it in. Murphy's law.

 

[Danster]

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters
>used to define bra sizes?
>
> If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood
>for, it is about time you became informed!
>{A} Almost Boobs...
>{B} Barely there.
>{C} Can't Complain!
>{D} Dang!
>{DD} Double dang!
>{E} Enormous!
>{F} Fake.
>{G} Get a Reduction.
>{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up


Dannyo

 

[Joe 1320]

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh!t out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me".
12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry.
13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Amen.