Parrot Joke

[TURBOTWIN2]

A woman went to a pet store and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.

"Why so little?", she asked the store owner.

The owner looked at her and said "Look, I should first tell you that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The women thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway.
She took it home, put the cage in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, looked at her and said, "New house, new Madame."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, "That's not so bad."

When her 2 teenage daughters came home, the bird saw them and said, "New house, new Madame, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation, considering where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later. the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said,

"Hi, Keith!"

The bird never heard the shot.

 

[RUQWKNF27]

The bird never heard the shot.

So Keith shot the bird!!??

 

[TURBOTWIN2]

Yeah, it was Keith. The wife would have shot Keith, not the bird.

 

[RUQWKNF27]

Thanks for clearing that up!!

 

[The Blob]

A man boards an airliner, takes his seat, and is surprised to find a large purple parrot in the seat next to him.

The aircraft takes off and a pretty flight attendant walks down the aisle past the man and his seat mate.

"Hey, bitch," says the parrot, "bring me a whiskey and soda, and make it snappy!"

The flight attendant looks annoyed, but walks on. A minute later, she walks back up the aisle, and the parrot pipes up again:

"Goddammit, you lazy whore, where's my whiskey? Hurry it up!"

Visibly flustered, the flight attendant hurries up the aisle and returns quickly with the parrot's drink.

Impressed with the parrot's technique, the man decides to get some quick service for himself.

"Hey, slut," says the man, "get me a dry martini. And don't drag your sorry ass - I want it right now!"

The flight attendant turns red with anger and runs to the front of the plane. In a moment she returns with the First Officer and two burly male flight attendants.

The crewmen seize the passenger and the parrot, jerk open the emergency door, and hurl them both out of the airplane at 20,000 feet.

As the two hurtle out the door, the parrot says to the man, "Ya know, for someone who can't fly, you got a lotta balls."