Post your lame jokes here! :)

[GNflyby]

So a guy walks into a bar with a small monkey hanging from a steering wheel that is sticking out of his pants. The bartender goes: "Hey, do you know there is a small monkey hanging from a steering wheel that is sticking out of your pants?"


"Yeah," says the guy, "it's driving me nuts!"

 

[turbosam6]

Ok, this one rules!

The Lone Ranger and Tonto go to a bar, and after a few minutes a guy walks in and says "Who's white horse is that out there?". The Lone Ranger says "Its mine, why?" The guy says "Well, its kinda wheezing and actin' like it can't breath all to good." The Lone Ranger says "Tonto, go out there and run around the horse to stir up some air for him." Tonto does and a few minutes later another guy walks in and says "Hey, who's white horse is that out there?" The Lone Ranger says "Its mine, why?" The guy says---Wait for it




"Well, you'd better get out there, I think you left your engine running!"


Get it? Is this thing on??

I still laugh my ass off at that joke, and no one else does.

 

[kshef]

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says....why the long face..

 

[GNeric]

Two guys walk into a bar...








...which is really stupid because you figure the first guy walks into it and the second guy should have seen it.

 

[myclone]

How do you catch a unique rabbit?



Unique up on him......

 

[Shane]

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?




NACHO CHEESE

 

[SinistrV6]

My all time favorite...

Click the link...

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/barmonkey.html

It's a lame joke, but watching monkey's tell it makes it hilarious!

 

[Jas89TTA]

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey and orders up a drink, Well after a few minutes went by the monkey starts eating all the peanuts in the bar then jumps on the pool table and swallows the que ball. The bartender yells out "Hey your monkey just swallowed the que ball off my pool table." The guy gets up gets his monkey apologizes to the bartender and pays for the drinks and the que ball and leaves. Well a week later the guy’s back at the same bar with his pet monkey. The guy sits down and orders up a drink a few minutes later the monkey gets up on the bar picks up a cherry and sticks it in his A$$ and then eats it. The bartender yells "Your monkey just stuck a cherry up his A$$ and then ate it that’s disgusting." Yeah the man replies every since that que ball incident he checks for clearance.

 

[Jas89TTA]

What did the robot say to the gas pump??

Get your finger out of your ear and listen to me..

 

[Billdogg]

Why don't alligators eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!

 

[GreatestBuick]

Lame Tomatoe Joke

There were three tomatoes walking down the street, a Papa tomatoe, a Mama tomatoe and a baby tomatoe. The baby tomatoe kept falling behind, so the Papa tomatoe started to get upset ran back to the baby tomatoe stomped on him and said Ketchup!~

 

[Turbo Ryan]

Originally posted by myclone
How do you catch a unique rabbit?



Unique up on him......

Do you know how to catch a tame rabbit?



Tame way.

 

[no-nos]

what do you call 2 pigs fighting?.... ham to ham combat. ( really lame)

who is the fastest man on earth?......an ethiopian with a lunch card. ( sorry, i know thats cruel )

i was at the airport waiting to be pick-up, so i wait and wait finally after 2 hours i call up and ask my girl, ( a blonde) why have'nt you picked me up? she said she went to pick me up but then she saw the sign that read- Airport Left. so she went back home. ( not really my girl )

a dog there are 3 horses in a stable talking and 1st horse says i've won 7 straight races, the second horse says that's nothing i've been in 15 race's and i've never lost, the 3rd horse says that's nothing i've been in 25 race's and i have never been beat!, the grayhound says that's nothing i have been raceing all my life and i have never been beaten, the 1st horse turns and says goddam would you believe this a talking dog,

how does a guy in virginia pick up a date.... hay sis you awake?
( please no dis-respect to virginia )

man i got pleanty more, this is a good thread, laughter is always in need

 

[IrvJr]

3 potatoes are standing on the side of the road, how do you tell which is the prostitute?

The one holding the sign that says "Idaho"



John Kerry walks into a bar, and the bartender says "why the long face"



Scott

 

[no-nos]

Originally posted by IrvJr
3 potatoes are standing on the side of the road, how do you tell which is the prostitute?

The one holding the sign that says "Idaho"



John Kerry walks into a bar, and the bartender says "why the long face"



Scott

i like the potatoe one

 

[INTERCOOLED]

One day, Superman is flying around the city, just minding his own business, making sure all citizens are safe. He glimpses down and sees what appears to be Wonder Woman, nude, sunning herself atop a building with her legs spread.

"Wow," he says.

***He thinks to himself***

"I have always had a thing for her........hey!........this is a perfect opportunity......I can swoop down there and f@ck her Superfast, then fly away......and she will never know what happened.

So, Superman flies down at the speed of light, f@cks Wonder Woman Superfast and flies off.

"What was that?" Wonder Woman replied.......



and the Invisible Man said, "I don't know......but my ass hurts like hell!"

 

[no-nos]

there's this man at a bar and he's been drinking for a while when a guy comes in with a long black trench coat, suddenly the guy gets up and starts beatin the heck out of the guy that just walked in, then after beatin him up the drunk guy says your not so tough now are ya batman.


there's this guy getting hammer'd at a bar which is on the roof of a building, when another drunk guys comes and tells the first, i bet you i can take 5 shots of tequila jump of this building and bounce right back up here, do it says the guy sitting, and so he does, the guy sitting can't believe it, so he says hell if he can do it i can too, he runs and jumps off the building and dies when he hits the pavement, the bartender looks at the other guy and says " your such an a$$ superman"


a car salesman is selling this cuban guy a car, and he starts explaining to him the features and how to operate the car, when the cuban guy says yeah, yeah i know how to drive you put it in D and go, the salesman says ok here you go.. Two weeks later the cuban guy comes back and says hay, that car you sold me is no good. "No good"? says the salesman yeah says the cuban guy it runs fine during the day but at night when i put it in -N- it does'nt move.

 

[myclone]

Originally posted by no-nos
i like the potatoe one

Me too...

Originally posted by no-nos



how does a guy in virginia pick up a date.... hay sis you awake?
( please no dis-respect to virginia )

Im from VA and find that pretty funny actually. BTW, what do Virginians do for Halloween?


Pumpkin (say it slow ).


Thank you....thank you.....Ill be here all week...........

 

[turboculosis]

Heard this one at work from a W. Virginian (no disrespect)....






Why are ther so many murderers loose in W. Virginia....




Cause everyone has the same DNA and no dental records...

 

[SinistrV6]

What do Mississippi girls say during sex?

Git off me daddy, you're smushing my cigarettes!


What do you get when you cross a pig and a girl from Alabama?

Nothing. There's some things a pig just won't do!


Why won't they let Louisiana girls go swimming in Florida?

They can't get the smell out of the fish.