So when you have a wife and a kid, how do you do it?

[Silver Fox]

Man that's easier said than done.

Trust me I've tried this approach, but the wife is a control freak all the way. We had a discussion over this and she seems to think I should think ahead and not think about now. Which I know is somewhat true. She talks of "you need to think of retirement". Well yes...true....but then again what says I'm going to live to see retirement?

Another one is since we rent "you need to think about when we decide to buy a house, we need money to put down for the mortgage"....yet this time last year when we moved here she wanted to rent, not buy when the housing market was all for the buyer. When I asked why she insisted that since I'm military and "might" move around, she'd rather wait until I'm retired and we can finally find a place to buy when there's not much of a chance I might have to move.

We just did our taxes.....were received a nice tax refund this year. The wife originally said "we can use the tax return money to help get you another truck" since the truck i drive now is starting to fall apart. Well we got the taxes done, I told my mom my truck is starting to fall apart and as a good mom would do, offers an interest free loan but I don't want to have to "owe" someone for another bill...but now the wife prefers to keep 4/5th's of the money set aside "just in case"....in addition to the $3k I had before we married....and take my mom up on the loan...oh and decides to use 1/5th of the tax refund money so we can travel to NC and IN later this year.

So in my mind, she is living by the "what if what if" mind set, and sometimes it really pisses me off. I feel like I'm tied down. And in addition to that, her friends think I'm stupid for spending big money on a car. I am starting to think she's wanting for me to give up this hobby of mine but is afraid to say so. Right now she's thinking that we're going to be stuck working until we are into our 70's if we don't start saving now.

But I'm also thinking like you....I'd love to take my car to the track and see what it runs, but am afraid to because if i break it I know it's going to just sit in the garage for the next 20 years or until i decide to sell it cheap to get it gone.

Get promoted!!!!

 

["Turbo-T"]

Well, renting is just throwing money away IMHO. So that sure isn't planning for the future. That's one thing she needs to know. It is SUCH a buyers market, that you need to be out there looking. Hell, even look for foreclosures that may even need some work. You can get something dirt cheap that even if you have to move, you can keep it and still use it as an investment and not lose your @$$ trying to sell it really quick. But I can tell you rent is not the way to go if she is worried about "the future". One thing you said, is that you don't know how long you are going to live. If I saved everything I had so that I can be rich at 65 years old, who says I will have anything I really want to do that costs money by then? I am enjoying it now and my wife understands that, but we do compromise. We do save a little (I have a 401k which I put in 6% every paycheck). And she saves what extra money she has in a savings. But by no means do I save every little penny. She needs to meet you in the middle somewhere. Good luck!

I tried to talk to her about the "rent" thing. Her excuse is "Well what if the water heater blows up? Who's going to pay for that? What if the house needs a new roof? Who's going to pay for that?" Again it's the "what if" mind set.

It's obvious if you rent, then any maintenance repairs fall on the landlord, but if you own, any repairs fall on you. (We recently just had to have a new thermostat put in at the land lord's expense when ours went out about 3 weeks ago when it was 20 degrees outside...that was a $150 fix)

So I see it as a 2 way street: if we rent, then we're covered and no strings attached when we move. If we own, then it's on us to fix it, and when we move we have to deal with selling or renting out...the latter something I don't want to do....but then again the home might sell for a little more than we paid for it.

As mentioned, since I am military, the wife wants for me to wait until I'm retired (I have 10 years to go before I can even begin to think about that) and then says she wants to find a place to live mid point between her home town (Jacksonville NC) and mine (Indianapolis).

I tried to explain that there's no reason why I don't see an issue with splurging a little here and there. It doesn't have to be a lot. But it ended up with an argument.

I even tried explaining how if we lived by the "what if" concept all our lives, then yeah....we might die with money to our names but we will have not lived our lives to the fullest.

I clearly don't see what's wrong with "paying yourself" if you can afford it. Yes I understand if I have $7k in my bank account that I shouldn't go hog wild with it. But damn it doesn't mean we need to hoard all $7k of it for the rest of our lives.

She seems to still believe if we don't save up now, then when it comes time to retire we won't be able to, because we spent all the money while trying to live in the moment. As of now it's going to be another 6 years at least before she can try to return to work as a legal assistant. Even then she doesn't believe we will be able to set back some if I continue to support my car hobby once in a great while.

I think it's safe to say that life is a gamble no matter which way you look at it. With anything in life there's a risk you take.

 

[usetaboost]

we live check to check pretty much. It wouldn't be that way but we always buy stuff. Hell why not? I work for a very reputable company (cargill) and the wife has 2 part time jobs. I don't have nothing to worry about unless I mess up. I figure if she loses a job it's no biggie either. Just that much less extra money.

 

[GNJimC]

Good Thread...

Here is some advice. Some you may be able to use, some you may not.

First, get out of debt. If you have some sort of savings account great. We can argue all day about how much, but take the extra $$ and get out of any short term debt.
Use CC's but pay them off every month. If you have a balance, use the extra $$ you were talking about to pay that off.
If you have a car payment, take the extra $$ and apply it to the PRINCIPLE of the loan.

Once you have the car paid off, dont go and buy a new one. Also if you do buy another one, buy used (maybe you already do).

Now that you have the car paid off, you have the payment amount PLUS the extra $$ you are talking about now to do somthing with.

I know what you mean about making the money and wanting somthing to have fun with now but have a sit down and do this:

Tell her you will use the extra money you were talking about and will save 1/2 and use the other 1/2 to pay down debt. (Car pamt???) If you do so, ask your wife once the car is paid off can you use 1/2 the car payment amount to go to a few parts for your car. The other 1/2 you will save. Like it was said before, set goal and a target of what you need for the car. It wont take long and both of you will have a goal. Also tell her that you like the car and the hobby and that is part of who you are.


The main thing to remember is live below your means also keep in mind most of the people you see or hear about with all sorts of "toys" are in debt up to thier eyeballs.

 

["Turbo-T"]

My wife is very well aware that my car is my hobby. She knew this before we married.

We're not necessarily "in debt", but we do make just enough on one paycheck to scrape by.

Jim, that's good advice, of course there is an issue. My daily driver truck is started to fall apart, but it still runs, it's hitting near the 200k mark, so for how much longer, who knows. So as of now I'm probably going to just drive the wheels off of it. I keep it running just enough to keep it road worthy. But as of now it needs to make it another 2 years, who knows if it will. We only have 2 other vehicles...the TR and the SUV (kiddie car).

If this economy were not so bad I'd consider selling my TR, using some of the $$ to buy a nicer newer truck and use the other part to convert my Nova from an automatic to a 4 speed.

 

[usetaboost]

Hell I'm trying to get all mine paid off, get the house finished, AND THEN buy the wife a newer car. She wants one this fall