Son devastated by soccer coach

[Pronto]

My son is a senior and made Varsity soccer this year. He has played soccer for 10 years, been a starter for a division I travel team for 7 years. He had been passed up 2 years for Varsity and made it this year. Last night was the first game of the season. He was not picked to be a starter and worse, he and one other Senior didn't play one minute of the double overtime tie. My son is devastated. My wife and I watched him sink lower and lower as the game went on. This "coach" is also a guidence councelor and has been the soccer coach for 27 years. The soccer community has tried for years to get a qualified coach in the high school but for some stupid reason they give the job to someone that works at the school. All the other HSs in the area have excellent coaches that are travel coaches in the spring. So what do I do? I'm afraid if I talk to the goon he'll bench my son for the year or I'll blow up and hit him. My bosses son had the same experience with football at the HS. He quit. I really don't want my son to quit but this is not good for his ego. A kid on his travel team was benched on another HS team last year and he needed therapy to deal with the depression. These coaches don't give a crap how they destroy a kids confidence and sense of who they are. Its not like this HS has some super winning tradition either with his coaching. Well, at least he doesn't have to see him for 3 days. It's going to be a long season....I hope this SOB dies a long painful death.

 

[BlownZ]

I say charge the field and beat him up. That seems to be the way parents set an example for their children at games these days.

I can tell you this....if my mommy or daddy had a talk with one of my coaches...I would have been absolutely FURIOUS and humiliated. If I can't make it on my own then I sure as hell did not want my parents making a spectacle of both themselves and of me. If the coach needs talking to then have your son do it. JMO.

 

[Zero Tolerance]

Aside from the previous excellent suggestion...why not have a discussion with him, calmly, about what does your son need to improve on to be considered for the starting position.

Then go into the depression and self esteem issues. If he's a guidance couselor I'm sure he'll just melt. "geez, my son is so depressed about soccer. It's messing with his grades, etc"

 

[qwknuf6]

Does the coach have a pesonal thing againts your son? You did not say .
If it is just a Coaches desicion your son DNP I dont see were all the anger comes from.There are alot of players that ride the pine in all sports .

 

[GNFURY]

I say stay out of it. This is Varsity level athletics! This guy has been a coach for 27 yrs., he probably knows what he is doing! I'm sorry, but The best players will get to play! Especially in a double overtime tie game. This is not little league where everybody gets a chance to play. I would venture to say, that the very thing that a highschool coach HATES the most, is some parent trying to tell how to run his team. Every parent thinks that their son is the best and that he should start. By the way, this is not a flame, my little brother is goin through the same thing right now.

 

[bruce]

So what's the big deal?.
It's a game, and supposed to be about fun and SPORTSMANSHIP.

Life ain't fair, and S--- does happen.

There was a time, when folks had a few callouses, and just got on with things. Coach is a jerk, so what?.

Best saying I know is when handed lemons, make lemonade.

 

[Pronto]

Well, I've been a team manager and assistant coach for several years in the past. I know how interfering parents can be and how they think their kid is gifted. The travel teams he has played on have always played their best players as starter but always used subs if someone is not having a good game or needs a break. I have no illusions about my son. He is a steady good player but not state champ material. This coach is well known to under utilize his players. He plays favorites even if they are not as good as other players. He has thrown away games because he wouldn't sub out players. Some excellent players have refused to play for him. We lost a starter from last year that decided to play in a semi professional league rather then for this coach and his school. All he preaches is team and "student athlete" but is only concerned with a handful of favorites and ignores the rest of the team. The majority of the team think he's an dope. I definately am not the first to see this. My son has never mouthed off to him or anything like that. He has known for 4 years that this guy is a jerk and didn't want to jeperdize a chance to make the team. Last year his JV team was undefeated, won the school sponsered JV tournament (first time in 8 years of sponsering this!) My son was a starter and played the whole game every game all season which this coach is well aware of. His JV coach thought very highly of him and pushed for him to be on Varsity. That coach won Coach of the Year for JV. He was also a guidence counselor. Very nice guy. The school budget was tight so late last year they pink slipped the JV coach. I don't think there is anything I can say or my son can say that would change his mind. He'll have to just go to practices and do the best he can to be seen.

 

[Drew L]

Kids sports is more about dicipline , teamwork, and respect than one minute of playing time. Get into a scuffle and one can look like like all the other fools on tv when we see that stuff. Similar to the ruckas at a Little League game not to long ago. Quitting............ tell me something good that comes from that , I'm all ears. Tough it out and consider not playing next season. Just my humble opinion. GO PATRIOT'S

Drew

 

[nickb]

I've been through this myself, and it’s not fun. I played basketball for my high school for the JV team. My junior year came and tries outs started. Well I was clearly the best player on the court, and the couch had me leading stretches as a team captain during tryouts. Let me tell you, when he posted who made the team, and my name was not on the list, I flipped out. It's the worst feeling in the world knowing that you’re better than people and even them being shocked at you not making the team. NO one believed me when I told them I didn’t make it. Make a long story short, I hate the man for life, and if I ever see him I will spit in his face. Talk to your son and let him know that he is not the one a fault here and the couch is the one in the wrong. We had the same type of couch, didn’t know anything about the game, in fact he would ask us what plays we wanted to run in overtime situations. It was disgusting. Anyway, don’t be shy let the couch know how you feel and ask him why? What was his reasoning for not playing your son? It’s a valid question. My parents didn’t have as much money as other parents, and did not take the couch out to dinner like other parents you kissed his ass. Don’t let your son get down on this. It's devastating I know, but show him that there are other things in life and he has to focus on what opportunities arise instead of dwelling on old things. I knew for a fact that I was not going to play D1 in College so what the hell, which cares. Now I'm 22 and I could buy and sell that couch that hurt me so bad. He may have pull at a local high school, but I learned real quick how to make things happen, and that if you want to get things done you have to go to the top. I'm 22 and I have more pull then this guy could dream of. I also make more money than he does. He’s a loser tat has no pull, so he takes it out on the only people he can, the kids. It’s a shame that they have to suffer for these old geezers that wont let go of a job because they want the extra cash. SOB's

 

[88 CuttyClassic]

You don't want my honest opinion on Soccer. But having played sports at the college level, you just have to suck it up. I had to do insane amounts of conditioning and you know how many at bats i got. TWO! i got drilled in my foot and the other i hit a single. I made the most of my chance. Your son will eventually get a chance and he should make the most of that. No offense but if your son was really good he wouldn't now just be making varsity as a senior. You said your son get lower and lower as the game progressed but yet his team was involved in a double overtime game? He needs to learn what the word team means cause if that was me and i was on the bench i sure as hell would have been the voice you could hear. Light a fire under his ass.

 

[bigz]

Originally posted by 88 CuttyClassic
You don't want my honest opinion on Soccer. But having played sports at the college level, you just have to suck it up. I had to do insane amounts of conditioning and you know how many at bats i got. TWO! i got drilled in my foot and the other i hit a single. I made the most of my chance. Your son will eventually get a chance and he should make the most of that. No offense but if your son was really good he wouldn't now just be making varsity as a senior. You said your son get lower and lower as the game progressed but yet his team was involved in a double overtime game? He needs to learn what the word team means cause if that was me and i was on the bench i sure as hell would have been the voice you could hear. Light a fire under his ass.

I agree with this statement wholeheartedly. I'm not saying there aren't vindictive coaches out there but what would the guys motiviation be for benching your son other than the fact that he feels there are better players on the team. I was an all metro football player in high school and went to college on a football scholarship. When I got to college everybody was as good or better than I was. My college football career resulted in me playing special teams and being a backup offensive lineman. But I got to be part of a team and learned alot of valuable lessons from sports that have carried over into adult life. That's what your son should be getting out of sports in my opinion. If you interfere I don't think that will be teaching him much of anything other than when times get tough dad will step in and take care of things for you. I know you want the best for your son but maybe he can overcome this on his own.


Mike

 

[Pronto]

nickb, my son also knows the he is not going to play college ball. He is motivated to do excellent in college though and will suceed. Like you he will also hate this douche bag for the rest of his life and like you he will do better in life than being a tenured do- nothing.
For now my son has resolved himself to do his best and hope he gets a chance to prove himself.

 

[darb]

Pronto,

Is your son one of the better players? Would he help the team more than someone else who is getting playing time? No personal dilemmas with your son and coach?

I have been in your sons shoes, long ago. Although my story was a little different, it is on the same lines as this story here. My father just told me to keep my head up and to keep practicing and that my time would come, and it did. I had a burning desire deep inside to strive to be the best. That is what got me my shot. My father could only tell me those things, but my competitive drive and desire in ME, is what got me there. I hated to lose and still do to this day. Most high school and college athletes for that matter don't have these kinds of drives, for whatever reasons, not like they use to anyway. Most of the time, and I say most, the kids who ride the bench are the ones who are not quite as talented or skilled as the ones who are playing. The coaches want to win, and they will put out the most skilled and talented team to help them achieve that. At the high school level, it's not about getting everyone one playing time, but about winning. Rec leagues are where you play to get everyone playing time. Your son has to want it, inside, and work hard to get it. If he does, the coach will notice and he will get his shot (unless the coach has something else against your son). Tell him to stay positive and work hard, it'll come.

 

[ONLY 231]

That's odd to hear that you're son didn't get play time, being a senior in all. It especially surprises me because of him being a travel player for so long. I've been out of high school for a few years now, and played Soccer all 4 years.

In the Chicago suburbs, in any sport that had travel/feeder teams in the area, those players were always on the school teams, no question about it. I never played on anything but school teams, and I wasn't the worst player either, and I still got my time.

It sounds to me as if the coach has something against your son, or maybe your son isn't telling you something. Maybe he did something to piss the coach off? I don't see a better player that has experience like that not playing one minute of a game for no reason

 

[Pronto]

This coach is not involved in the soccer community at all. He never goes to the travel league games to see who's up and coming. The club team is well aware of this and several of the coaches have expressed a desire to coach the high school team. The club that my son plays for has provided this coach with top notch players for years. Last years team had 4 senior players from the club. That travel team (one year ahead of my son's) were state champs and played premier level. This year 2 of the senior players are on my son's team. He is definately a better player than one and equal (actually played left back to my son's right). All I can figure is my son is not a flashy player or a scorer (defenders are usually don't) and didn't stand out at try-outs. Funny thing is the scrimmage I watched with guest team from out-of -state (that was pretty good) was dominated by the "second string" of which my son was part of. They had all the scoring oppertunities and shut down the other teams offense. The second string scored off a pass from my son to win. All he can do is keep trying. This is typical for him though. He always seems to have to work twice as hard as others to get something he wants.

 

[FlyinGN]

This is the reason my Son will NEVER play sports.

 

[8UWITH6]

Sounds like my senior year in HS soccer. I was a pretty decent left wing (could strike the ball pretty good with both feet for crosses) and I played about 20 minutes a half or so. I didnt start much though. On Senior night, all the Seniors started......well 1 minute, yes 1 minute into the game he yanked me and a few other Seniors. I was pissed. He called on me later in the game to play for his now tired wing, and I refused. Lets just say he didnt like that too much. When he asked why I didnt want to go in, I told him that it was embarrasing to me, AND my parents to start on senior night only to be yanked after 1 minute. Was it the smart thing to do on my part, probably not, but hey I was in HS and 10ft tall. Did it make him think about what he was doing as a coach? You bet your ass it did. I say sit back and see what happens.

 

[BlownZ]

I wonder who is more devastated...the parents or the kids?

I was a high school athlete and played at the varsity level in everything except basketball...I was too big to be a good guard and too small to be much of a forward. I played JV until Senior year and then played Varsity one year. It didn't crush me...it didn't do anything to me...I wanted to be better but I simply wasn't as good as the other kids on the team. I knew it and so did my coach...my parents however sounded similar to some of you and were convinced what a horrible person this coach was.

Soccer was the sport that I excelled at and played at the Varsity level as a freshman all the way up. If you are good...you play...if you aren't you don't. While it might be painful to accept...it is the truth. It is kind of like every parent being convinced that THEIR child is the smartest...that their kid is the only one that could speak by whatever age...etc. You are looking at it through very skewed eyes. My mother still thinks I can walk on water to this day...and I love her for it but the reality is....I would sink.

 

[Lee_Burough]

Kids have to learn to slay their own dragons....

We don't do our kids any favors fighting their battles for them. Its hard to let them live and learn.

If you fight too many battles for your youngster, you'll end with a 26 year old back at home like me

Deal with the school with through the administration.

 

[Raven]

Helping him is no help at all

The hardest thing for a parent to do is to let your child learn that life is not fair. Even IF the coach is an ass, you do your son no service by going to the coach and telling him how big an ass he is or how stupid he is for not playing your boy.

If anything, you should encourage your son to play/practice even harder and to always, always do his best no matter if he plays one minute or not. IF he IS doing his best and he knows it but it still isn't good enough for the coach, then he should take pride in the knowledge he is giving 100% and you need to tell him that. It's the coach's loss, not his.

Soccer (like about every other sport) is about the T-E-A-M, not about personal playing time. Especially at Varsity level.

And, if by chance you are bad mouthing the coach to (or with) your son, that will not help him either. Support your son but let him learn that sometimes he will grow more as a person by not getting what may seem 'his' to get all the time.

Let him grow... disappointment will not kill him. It might even make him stronger.