Got this off another board and thought it was PERFECT for a 'guy' like you. It's a long read... Personally, I would like to know exactly what restaurant and where it was that you got banned... take a print out of this thread and send it to them. Paybacks are a BITCH!
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Yes, you all know me. you may not specifically remember my face because you and your friends were **** faced drunk. I am your Denny's Waitress. The one you hit on at 3am after the bars closed. I normally work 10pm-6am, friday-tuesday. There are certain types of people I see in my work. If you are one of them, please, go to Jack in the Box. So here we go.
10. THE HOOKER- Yes dear, I know you are a hooker, You work a hard job, So do I. Yes I am polite to you, mostly out of fear of a crackheaded rage. But when i have 9 tables, of possibly tipping customers, I do not want to drop everything to make you a strawberry shake to get that cum taste out of your mouth. Please, just wait, like everyone else.
9. THE FRAT BOYS- Yes I know I look good. Thanks. But please, I don't like being hit on by a group of drunk guys in a bar, I do not like being hit on by a group of drunk guys at my work. I WILL NOT give you my phone number. If you are really that interested, leave a big tip, and your number, perhaps I will call you. More then likely, I will not.
8. NO HABLA INGLES- Ok please, learn the basic skills needed to order your food. I don't speak spanish very well, and i hate having to grab the bus boy to translate. Anyone who has ever been to california, knows these people. When asked what they would like to order, they point to the picture. "Ok and how would you like your eggs?" to this i get a puzzled look, much conversing in a foreign tongue, then more pointing to the picture. This same response to the questions as to how you would like your toast, steak, etc... Please, learn to speak english, or bring someone who does. And lastly, don't act like I'm the idiot for not speaking spanish.
7. THE HOLIER-THAN-THOU GROUP - Ok, so technically I am a server. read SERVER, not servant. Where the hell do you get off talking down to me you drunk prick? Yes I will be nice to you, I will get your food in a timely manner, and keep your coffee full. But please, do not talk down to me as if i am human excrement.
I work don't I? And please understand that all things in the universe are not in my control. ok you ordered your steak medium rare.(why are you eating a dennys steak) I do not cook the steaks. I can not bite into each one to check it's exact condition inside. If it is not exactly right, please tell me, politely. do not scream " You stupid insolate whore, i said Medium rare, can't you remeber that, or are you too stupid." This will not get a kindly reaction from myself, and you will wait 30 minutes for a new steak, which will be extremely well done. You don't know me, I don't know you, You might be better then me, probably not. You are an *******.
6. THE LOUD DRUNK GIRLS- Yes you ladies, I know you had a great time in the bar, as i can hear every word you say. Glad to hear the fake id's worked, but you do not look older with 3 pounds of makeup and one ounce of clothing. I don't mind that you all give me evil looks, I'm hot. Sorry i can't help it I was born this way. I see the looks as you guzzle down your french vanilla cappuccino, and all share one salad. But ladies ahem..girls. I am one of you, why treat me with such hostility, fortunately at least one of you is a waitress, and you usually leave a decent tip.
5. THE HOMELESS GUY- Yes I let you sit in here. you aren't dirty and don't smell...too much. I will give you free coffee, and do my best to sneak you some food. But I am busy. I do not want to sit and listen to you droll on about how in 1972 you had a house and a wife and you lost it all. You've told me, I'm sorry, I'm doing my best to help you out a little, why don't you get your ass a job, and complain to them.
4. THE RICH ROMANIAN GUYS- Yes you are all very good looking, and polite. But please, stop telling me how much money you have. Also, this is not burger king, we don't make it your way. The options we give you are listed, want seasoned fries, great, can't eat tomatos, alright. But when you order your decaf coffe with a shot of vanilla, water, with lemon. Club sandwich with no tomato, no mayo, extra mustard, add swiss cheese, ham instead of turkey, on rye bread, no fries but a side of sliced banana's, this is a little much guys. Come on, make it at home. After all this, which i finish with a smile on my face, you leave me $3.00 hop in your beemers and escalades and drive away. THANKS PRICKS!
3. THE CREEPY OLD GUYS- Yeah you two. You're pushing 60, do not act like you are 20. I am not on the menu, please stop asking, when I ask youif there is anything else i can get you don't say " I'd like you on a plate" After 60 years i'd think you guys could come up with something better. I am a waitress, not a Hooker. I will not let you smell my ***** for $20 dollars, I will not let your friend **** me for $200. I do not care that you are "special forces" The giant gut really must help for all the covert ops. If you want a hooker, one will be here soon, buy her a strawberry shake, and she's yours.
2. THE OLD MEXICAN LADIES- so when did you ladies buy those outfits? when you were 20? guess what THEY DON'T FIT. They are too small and you are too large. The bright red shiny tight skirt does not make your ass look good, nothing could make your ass look good, a trash bag perhaps. The bottle of cheap perfume you put on this morning does not make you sexy, it makes you smell, bad. No one wants to see your boobs, no matter how many push up-bras, bottles of glue, and rolls of duct-tape it took to get them above your belly button. You all are loud and drunk, and obviously you do not like coffee by the massive amount of creamer and sugar you put in. I mean really ladies, 9 creamers and 12 packets of sugar for one ****ing cup of coffee?!? The sooner you realize that you are not 24, get your fat ass in a moomoo, and get the hell out of my restaurant, the sooner the world will be a better place.
1. THE LARGE CHEAP PARTY- Yes you earn number one. You come sauntering in at 2:45am and announce that you have a party of 14, maybe more. ok, we do not have a table for 14, we will have to spread you in part of the restaurant. you will all be together, just not at the same table. You bitch and moan, but hey we only have booths, they don't move. so ten of you sit. I get your drinks, but then there is 1 more, i get this drink, and so on. then When it is time to order, are you polite enough to go in the order in which you are sitting? Hell no. Will your party quiet down so i can actually hear you? **** no. after everyone orders will 3 of you change your mind? But of course. Ok. 14 different meals...got it. Time to carry them out, as you may know 14 meals will not fit on one tray, so yes i have people carrying more, but Alas, that is still not enough. So while i am setting down your plates you all continue to cry " Where is my Toast, where are my nachos, I need ketchup, etc" Hold the **** on, i got 5 trays, and 2 hands. so "Is there anything i an get for you?" a glass of water replies one customer, "Ok, anything else for the rest of you?" no answer, so i scurry off, and get the water. "Anything else?" I ask upon my return. More napkins, once again i run to get napkins. this process goes on and on. Ask for it all at once dammit! ok time to pay. You all want seperate checks... can you not figure out he approximate price of your meal on your own? Are you all that stupid? of course you are. After all of my efforts,there $200 dollar check divided, and many thanks for the great service, what do I receive for my efforts?!? $8 dollars. $8 ****ing dollars. You've got to be ****ing kidding me! THATS LIKE 3% YOU *******S
All of these people are actually customers that i deal with on a regular basis, they are not fictional, although i wish many of them were.
Please folks when dining out remember, we are not servants, nor are we hookers, we will not date you,tipping is 15-20%, we do not make your food, but if you are rude we will not hesitate to spit in it.
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I am no big shot but i always try to leave a nice tip,which sometimes causes a prob with my date. That is until I explain I am tryin to get her to forget about people like that bring her day down. 
