- Joined
- Sep 24, 2010
Here's the answer to why some women don't like them...... , not saying they are hippies, but a pretty funny read, actually....
This is a women telling the story.........
My daughter and I are shopping. She is matching coupons with diapers and I am smelling shampoo. I toss of a bottle of some really great smelling green stuff into my cart. My daughter tosses diapers and nursing pads on top of the shampoo.
I check things off my list. Deodorant, panty liners, coffee…Yeah, gotta find the coffee. I scan the aisle until I see the sign that tells me where the coffee is.
I am distracted when I see a display of candles. I stop, pick them up one by one and smell them.
It is then, that he approaches me. A man, small mustache, black silk coat and cowboy boots.
“Do you like candles?” he asks.
“Yes.” I answer.
“I love candles,” he says, “In fact, I love them so much, I have them in every single room of my apartment.”
I smile and nod. He picks up a candle and puts it to his nose, takes a whiff, then shoves it in my face.
“Smell, this one.”
I smell it. Smile. Pumpkin spice.
He picks up another, smells it and offers it to me. Again, I smell it and smile. Coconut.
“Yeah, I just love candles,” he says, “Sometimes, I think when I light all of them, I just might burn my house down. I have several in my bedroom.”
Awkward. The conversation is getting awkward.
“Do you like movies?” he asks.
“I suppose that I do.”
“My kind of woman. You like movies and candles. I’d say this means we have something in common.”
Again, I smile. I politely push my cart down the aisle and start surveying the coffee. He is following me.
“Oh, you drink decaf, do you?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Nothing like a good cup of coffee in the morning,” he says, as he runs his hand through his hair.
I keep staring down at his cowboy boots. I have a strong dislike for cowboy boots. Cowboy boots and men with pierced ears. His boots have a gold tip on the end of them. Yep, he is real serious about his cowboy boots. I shudder to think…
“Sometimes at night, I like to light a candle and make a cup of tea,” he adds.
I keep moving, pushing my cart further down the aisle.
I’m near the bread now, picking up a loaf of rye.
“I see that you don’t like white bread,” he says. He sticks his thumb into his front pocket, leans back and one of those cowboy boots is now resting on the bottom of my cart. He’s getting a little too comfortable and the mere thought of that cowboy on my cart is starting to irritate me.
Just then, my daughter approaches.
“Ready to go, mom?” she asks, pulling my cart toward her and causing the cowboy to stumble a bit.
“Is this your daughter?” he asks.
“Uh-huh.”
He looks at my daughter and smiles.
“I was just having some friendly conversation with your mom.”
My daughter gives a half-smile, “Well, have a nice day.”
We finally lose him in aisle eight.
“Mom, that guy was so hitting on you. Seriously, mom, I am surprised you didn’t go off on him. And did you see his boots? You hate cowboy boots!”
“I was being polite. No harm done.”
My daughter laughs, “He was talking about candles in his apartment. That was a pick up line.”
“Oh you heard the whole conversation?” I ask.
“Yeah, I was lurking around the corner, just about ready to pee my pants.”
I am now checking out vitamins. One a Day, menopausal vitamins.
And there he is bending down next to me picking up a bottle of Centrum Silver.
I think this must be the moment when he intends to bond with me.
He tosses the vitamins into his little red basket. Now I am curious as to what a cowboy boot wearing man has in his basket. I casually glance at his basket. A box of cereal- Cheerios. Bananas, jar of peanut butter and a loaf of white bread. He lied about liking rye bread.
My daughter reaches down and grabs a bottle of black cohosh.
“Check this out, mom..I heard this is really GOOD for hot-flashes and mood swings.”
She is being sarcastic and gives a half smile to the man.
“She gets crazy sometimes. Her mood swings are just insane.”
I try not to laugh.
She picks up a bottle of Beano, “Mom you should try this. I heard it really helps with gas.”
“It really does work,” said the man.
My daughter gives me the look. The look that says, “Let’s get the hell out of here.”
Women, yeah, we know how to talk with our eyes. We can read one another. We head to another aisle.
It seems the Beano turned him off and he has gone on his way.
WRONG.
We are looking at make up and here he comes.
“Oh, we have to stop meeting like this,” he says.
Before I can say anything, my daughter turns around and steps closer to him.
“You aren’t accidentally running into her. You’re stalking her and you are getting on my nerves.”
“I am not stalking her. I am just trying to have friendly conversation with her and I keep running into her.”
“Look around you dude, you are in the make up aisle. Just what did you need here?”
Right about now I am looking for John Quintes and the “What Would You Do?” camera crew.
My daughter puts her hand on her hip, “I suggest you keep it moving. She is not interested and she hates cowboy boots.”
“I think that you should not speak to me that way, little lady and let your mother make her own decisions.”
Shit. He said “little lady.” That is so going to piss her off.
Now my daughter has both hands on her hips. She is biting her bottom lip.
“I guess you didn’t hear me the first time! I told you to keep it moving. Get going. Quit stalking my mother!”
My daughter is getting loud. She is attracting the attention of other shoppers. Within minutes there are three more women with carts in our aisle. They glare at the man.
“Well, this gives new meaning to getting cock blocked,” he said.
Oh no. Oh hell no, he didn’t just say that. I would like to think most men would know this is the cue to run for your life. But, this guy doesn’t.
My daughter pushes the cart and we head to another aisle.
Within minutes, the man with the cowboy boots is back.
“So, I guess you wouldn’t consider going out with me, would you?” he asks.
I don’t have time to answer. My daughter quickly turns around and is facing him.
“Dude. What part of this conversation, don’t you get? My mother is not interested. She’s made that clear. I’ve made that clear. Now for the last time, keep it moving and leave her alone!”
This is where the guy gets real stupid.
“Listen young lady, if I were your father, I would smack you for the way you are talking to me!”
“Well, you aren’t my father and I think I have been pretty patient with you. Seriously, you don’t want to see my bad side. We are shopping, not scouting for dates and you are being annoying!”
The man looks at me.
“Are you going to let her talk to me like THAT?”
This must be his step-daddy tone of voice.
By now, there are at least four women with carts in our aisle. All silent, but glaring at the man.
“So, does this mean you aren’t going to go out with me?”
A woman with a blue coat speaks up.
“Yeah, pretty sure she isn’t interested.”
The man in the cowboy boots begins to walk away, then turns back around.
“You don’t even know what you are missing!”
My daughter turns around one more time.
“Dude! I’m not going to tell you another time! Keep it moving! You are surrounded by five women! What part of this don’t you get?”
The man walks away.
We push our carts toward the check out counter.
There is a man standing in front of us in line.
“Oh please, ladies, feel free to go ahead of me.”
He moves out of the line and stands behind us.
There is another man in front of us, as well. We stare him down.
“No problem ladies, I’ll just be moving to the back of the line.”
My daughter and I head down to the bagel shop. We each order a bagel. I fumble with my wallet in search of the exact change. Several coins fall to the floor. I reach down to pick them up and see a gold tipped boot in front of me. I look up. Yep, it’s him.
“I see you like bagels, too,”
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