Two and a half years and now I'm lost

[88 CuttyClassic]

Originally posted by salvageV6
Ummm, what do you do in the case where she comes back to you in 3 months after being the college football teams new mascot, well make that old worn out well used mascot?

if she does something like that she is a _____. In my case my girl was only with me, i can see how she would want to try someone else because i was with two before her. Once sex becomes an issue like that, its over. If its meaningless then things were never good.

 

[GN One Day...]

Originally posted by 88 CuttyClassic
Hanly: **"changed"** i had to fill that void that my girl friend left when she broke up with me.

Oh no, please rephrase that statement! LOL!

 

[hanly2]

lol he filled that void huh.

 

[d0n_3d]

what the heck?! i'd rather have the hottest chick possible go down on me rather than an ugly chick

 

[Demon]

Here's the longer version for those of you who crave this contuining Melrosian Saga (I hated that show...)

She left for Ireland a couple of weeks ago. 10 days - just her and her girlfriend. No, they're not lesbians. When she left, lots of tears and hugs and she didn't want me to leave the airport until she got on the plane.

When she got there, phone calls and emails galore at first, then they just sort of fizzled out and stopped.

She gets back from Ireland. No kiss or hug hello, just a "Let's go home" in the airport.

We fall asleep early as her internal clock is all fouled up. Very understandable. The next morning, she leaves for her mother's house, 1.5 hours away. I think something's up but I'm not sure what. After 10 days of being apart, you'd think she'd want to spend it with her live-in boyfriend of 2.5 years.

She comes back 2 days later and says that she wants to end this. No fighting, no arguing, no tears, no nothing. Out of the blue and it's done. Very calm, collected, almost professional, for lack of a better term. So, I begin to move my stuff out.

We've been talking quite a bit these past 2 weeks as I moved my stuff out. Communal property was not argued, she made a nice financial offer for the furniture and my security deposit and I left. What really piqued my curiosity were her reasons for leaving me, which came slowly and spread apart, not just a sit down and 1,2, here are my reasons. Here are her reasons:

1. I don't want to go through another fight so I'm going to end this before we have another one. (I'm thinking, "Sell your car before you get into another car accident then.")
2. My sister thinks you'll leave me at the altar if we do get to that point.

I talk with friends and the wiser ones all say that those are some pretty hollow reasons. They ALL say that there's something else to this, something she may not want to disclose. They all say that she's working through something and will be back but that she needs time to figure it out and how to tell me. I'm not a violent guy and remain extremely calm under fire - after the Air Force Academy, I started teaching special education in a middle school so I have tons of patience and can keep cool in the worst of situations.

Does this all help to make an honest assessment of the situation?

Thanks for all the info fellas (and ladies if some of you are.) If you need more entertainment, please feel free to post or shoot me an email - I could really use 'em both right now.

Matt
turbo916@optonline.net

 

[1of1035]

Yeah samething here. She left for school in NC where I was planning to move anyway. First week all the emails and calls then it shut down. Next thing I know its over and I have no reason. I would give her a little space and not call or talk for a bit and then see what happens. Thast what I'm trying now and hopefully when she comes home something can get worked out. Sometimes there are no reasons why things happen and I guess those things just have to be accepted for what they are.

 

[Joe 1320]

9 times out of 10, the reason a woman leaves a relationship it is because someone else has her eye. Call it "the grass is always greener" syndrome. Unless there have been serious issues going on where she feels it's better to be alone than in a relationship (the other 1 out of 10), you would be best to just move on and tell her to kiss your @zz. You may think the world of her now, but that too will pass. You'll be a stronger person for it. If indeed she is the remaining 1 out of 10, then you're still in the same boat. You'll have to give her space until she figues out what she wants (if that is even possible).

One thing you must remember about most women....... They persue what they want until they get it, then they don't want it anymore. They only persue what they perceive as being aloof. If you are too easy, there must be a problem. If you beg her to come back (provided you haven't really screwed up the relationship by some incredibly stupid stunt), you'll be even lower in her eyes.

Never confuse bitterness with being stupid. Each relationship you get into and out of should make you a smarter and stronger person. There is a huge difference between wisdom and bitterness. Wisdom is knowing when to walk and not to talk, bitterness is running your life with negative emotions and ego. The only way one can be bitter is to not pay attention to the lessons learned in life AND to forego self confidence.

 

[Gary Wells]

The original adage, I believe, is:
"if you love something, set it free....if it comes back, it's yours.
If it doesn't, it never was."

Author unknown

I believe that originally it applied to animals.
Unfortunately, I beleive that it applies to humans also.

As much as I don't want to put my foot in my mouth:
Her reasons are pretty shallow:
Could her and her girlfriend.... aww, never mind, I won't go there.
But it does happen.
Could she have developed an interest in someone else:
In Ireland??
In N/C?? This would be my guess.
Given her space, she might come back.
If you call her, she probably won't come back, and if she does,
it will probably be a quick departure.
I hope that everything works out for you.
D: Hookers

 

[bishir]

Okay,serious now, it seems almost all my girlfriends came back crying after a period of time, but you have to follow this advice:

Don't contact her or act like you give a damn....

For some reason that really works...

James

 

[2quiktocare]

Denial is a very unsafe place to swim with your emotions. It's called personal growth. She is away and has seen a whole new world in front of her most likely, may not even be another guy, but the fact she is just seeing there is so much more out there. Don't take it personally. If you are only 24, you are way to young to be hooking up seriously anyway. You know your life expectancy is nearing a hundred years. You seriously think you can make a life time commitment for a 75 year relationship at this point? Over 75% of marriages before the age of 30 fail within 5 years. The rate goes down to 35% if you do it after 30. You aren't mature enough at your age to truly understand what life has ahead of you, even though you are more mature now than when you were 21. Just have patience and live your life and enjoy while you are young. If she wants to be elsewhere, it’s for her own growth. She may come back around later, but you both will have so much more life under your belt and may truly appreciate each other so much more than you ever thought. If not, you saved yourself a life of agony. Mark

 

[88 CuttyClassic]

my girl gave me crappy reasons too. lately she has gotten new hobbies like going to see bands and going out every night. I also think the fact that her best friend is single had something to do with it. I think that girl gave my girl bad advise. They like to pretend they are lesbos to play guys but now i wonder. The main reason i got dumped was cause i whined and i was jealous. Those reason are pretty lame if you ask me. I had reason to be jealous. my girl has lots of guy friends. I don't trust any guy that isn't me around her. There was some friction the first few days but i think things have smoothed out some and not talking for a few days will probably help. I know her friend is saying stuff i never said, i thought i could trust her. As mature as my girl is for a 19 year old, she needs to mature in other ways about realtionships. Maybe then me and her can work it out.

 

[Demon]

To keep this saga going...

We're both 29 years old now. Her prior relationships have been with, well, older men. In high school, she dated a guy in his mid-30's. College - mid-40's. Since then, me - her age.

Wells - I think you hit the nail on the head - somebody in Ireland caught her eye. Not her girlfriend (although the thought does make me tingle...) but some Irish lad.

 

[Little6pack]

As Curley from the 3 stooges once said:

YOUR NOT LOST! Now you can be Discovered again by someone else..

Better to break off now than when married.

 

[blackshoebox]

After hearing your story, and especially your ages my advice is:

Run!

If I was a betting man, I would say she is seeing someone else. After living with someone for 2.5 years, the reasons she gave are way to weak to break up with someone, IMO. Chances are you may find out on accident if she is indeed seeing someone, since I can guranntee she will not tell if she is, so she can keep you on the back burner incase things don't work out. Thats the way most women operate when it comes to break ups: They will try to lay you down softly, so they can keep you as a back up plan. If they would just lay it out, that they had other interest in another guy, they know you would drop them like a bad habit, if you have any spine at all.

I say go out, hang with you bro's, and start sampling whats out there for you. Chances are your now ex. will either take notice and run back to you or continue on with her business which almost confirms she is dating someone else.

The bottom line is, Don't sit around and feel sorry for yourself, go out, and get yourself a new one, and make your ex feel like she does not exist.

 

[86brick]

My advice.................

DITCH THE WITCH!!!!!!!!!!

Why in the hell would you want to be with somebody that obviosuly doesn't want to be with you

Billions of women out there so take your pick!

 

[88 CuttyClassic]

i know in my case i am hittin something on the side, no BS just banging. I'm just holding on cause i want to end up with her. I know it could be a long time but i'm not missing out on other chicks cause of it. I would at the drop of a hat stop playing the field to have my girl back.

 

[Demon]

Cutty-

You just lost me there, chief. Not to toot my own horn, but I am a pretty good catch, or so I've been told for some time now by women wearing way less clothing than a Hustler Girl. Extremely athletic, humourous personality, and job security for the rest of my career. Tenure. I won't bore you with details.

Here's why you lost me - the opportunities have been there for some time now. But if there's 1 thing I could never bring myself to do, it's cheat on the woman I love. Couldn't do it. Had an opportunity for a threesome last summer, but couldn't do it. "Sorry, but I'm spoken for."

I'm all for playing the field, just not when in the middle of something. Of course, right now, it's is a completely different story...

And I think many of you are right. I had the same thoughts brewing in my head. Guess I just needed to hear some sort of affirmation from some "objective" (OK, so we all share a common bond in some sense) viewers. Some Irish guy caught her eye. And I'm sure that the reverse is true.

I used to bartend in NY. Just about every weekend, a group of nannies from various Eastern European countries used to come in and whoop it up. They were nothing spectacular to look at, believe you me. But everybody wanted to be with them. Why? Because they were foreigners. They were different. Something about a Czech accent just drove the guys wild. And all the while all they wanted to do is sit down, have a drink, and talk to the bartender. I think the same sort of thing happened here. Not that my ex- is ugly, no, she's hot and all, but because she was in a foreign country, it just made her all the more irresistable.

Thanks all!
Anybody want some more of this lame-arse story?
Matt

 

[trading t/a]

No thanks enough details were spoken to give people the info needed to give you a little advice. Take it and run with it. Have fun you only live once and you are not married. Wheather you believe in GOD or not that is one value everyone should hold true. Until you say your I Do's it's on! Try to go out and wear the skin off it


That'll help you forget

 

[88 CuttyClassic]

Originally posted by Demon
Cutty-

You just lost me there, chief. Not to toot my own horn, but I am a pretty good catch, or so I've been told for some time now by women wearing way less clothing than a Hustler Girl. Extremely athletic, humourous personality, and job security for the rest of my career. Tenure. I won't bore you with details.

Here's why you lost me - the opportunities have been there for some time now. But if there's 1 thing I could never bring myself to do, it's cheat on the woman I love. Couldn't do it. Had an opportunity for a threesome last summer, but couldn't do it. "Sorry, but I'm spoken for."

I'm all for playing the field, just not when in the middle of something. Of course, right now, it's is a completely different story...

Matt

Oh i never cheated on my girl. we stopped being exclusive back in october and i didn't even date another girl when i could have. she just dropped us altogether recently. Thats when i found a female friend to pass the time and help me get through. I have lots of hot female friends that would like to date me but they know i stick to my guns when it comes to my girl. Like i said as far as she is concered we are done for good. Thats the only reason i'm doing stuff now but i would stop it all if she said the magic words. I'm not looking to replace her but just messing around with this girl helps to pass the idle time. Idle time is my enemy right now, every moment alone instanly goes to thoughts of her. i hope you understand now, but i am confussed still so i can see how i might have threw you off track cause i'm not sure either.

 

[1of1035]

Originally posted by 88 CuttyClassic
I would at the drop of a hat stop playing the field to have my girl back.

I hear that. I wish it was that simple