Freindship or money ???

[Vector]

You all know the story, I lent a friend money and he isn't paying it back. So, which is more important the friend or the money?
Obviously a life lesson learned, but I am curious what you all think.
A little background: A very good friend, but not the best of friends, $3000.00 lent, continual promises of "I'll send the money this week." and mutual friends know that he owes me the money - were witness to the lending, and lastly he is several weeks delinquent.

 

[LinearX]

Originally posted by Vector
You all know the story, I lent a friend money and he isn't paying it back. So, which is more important the friend or the money?
Obviously a life lesson learned, but I am curious what you all think.
A little background: A very good friend, but not the best of friends, $3000.00 lent, continual promises of "I'll send the money this week." and mutual friends know that he owes me the money - were witness to the lending, and lastly he is several weeks delinquent.

At one point had 3 different friends owe me in excess of $4000. One paid me back within a month, but the other 2 dragged out. The second one paid me about 8 months later. The last one, which was $2000 took over a year to pay me.

It depends on you and the friend who you lent the money to. If he has any scruples and is concerned about your friendship, he will pay you back. Hell, payments are better than nothing. However, if he shows no signs of paying you back (i.e. borrowing from other people, buying stuff instead of paying you, etc.), then I'd sa you need to have a talk with him about it.

After my experiences, there are very few people in the world that I will ever loan money to again.

 

[olds443]

I would say the friendship is more important but I don'tknow how true friends you are or al the details.
I persoanlly never lend anyone any money ever expecting to see it return. Not that I am untrusting but jut that if I loan you a dollar or $500 I do it if I can afford to miss it and knowing that if I don't get it back I won't lend to that person gain. I loaned one friend $300 once when his mom died wit promises to return it in a week. I figred I might not see t again and witout ever asking it was returned almost 9 months later. Better late than never.

Also, my best friend had a similar falling out with one of his really good friends over $4k. He had him sign saying he would pay back, argued, constantly asked for his money and their relationship got worse to the point where they didn't talk for several years. One day he shows up on is door step, apologizes, atch up and tells him heknows he owes him and wants to make right. Started paing him back right then and hasn't missed a payment yet.

Whether or not the friendship is wrth saving is up to you. The money lost can be chalked up to experience and may come back, but think you will have a harder time if th friendship totally distengrates.

 

[2quiktocare]

Vector, you are right, you have learned on of lifes most bitter lessons. A friend first would tell you up front if they didn't know when they could repay you. Someone who doesn't repay is not a good friend, more of a fairweather friend. I use two simple rules, 1: never loan money to friends or family unless I don't have good use for the money, 2: never, ever expect to see a dime of it back when I do loan it. If it does come back, then you have a friend for sure. To paraphrase the old saying, "if you have money, set it free, if it returns, then it is truly friendship".


Mark

 

[BLACK6PACK]

Not much of a friend if they don't pay you back.

 

[Gary Wells]

I might be more of a prostitute for money than for friendship, but I would chalk up the friendship to experience, and opt for the return of the money. I would ask him to sign an iou stating that the amount that he owes you, why he hasn't paid you or started paying you yet, ask for a deadline when he can start payments or pay you. If the response is not favorable, I would give a very short deadline for the signed iou, and do small claims court if necessary.

 

[GN One Day...]

I'm with Olds and 2Quik. Only lend what you can afford to never see again. You might just as well tell them they can have it, that way you don't lose the money & a friend at the same time. At least you have something to fall back on for the next time he asks you for a loan, and say "no".
What was it spent on?
Why can't he pay it back?
If he's unemployed, or major illness that is reasonable. If he's out at night, life as usual, then I'd pursue some other means of collection. Next time, get it in writing.

 

[gn85]

Wells beat me to what I was about to say. Friends are friends, and business is business. I would never hang any of my friends out to dry over something like money, but if they ask ME for money then they are putting things on the line and crossing business and friendship. If this person isn't paying you back, it is very possible that if you had said no you won't lend the money to them at all that they would say you are not a 'friend'. Door swings both ways.

Getting back to what Wells said. I actually had something like this happen. Sure enough, when the money was lent, I had an IOU written out and signed with a promised collateral of a Chevy Barretta. I lent a girlfriend at the time $1000. It was not because I didn't like the girl or didn't trust her that I made her sign an IOU with something on the table. I was simply looking out for my 'business' end of things. Sure enough.. we broke up soon thereafter and the girl dragged her feet for a while about paying back. I was very cool about things, I had it set in stages. Every time I asked and she didn't meet a deadline, I would take it one step further. It was not out of being mean to an 'ex-girlfriend'. It was out of BUSINESS. Sure enough, it came to the point that I had the court papers filled out, ready to be filed and papers being served to her by way of sherriff. When she saw that I was really on this path and not far from pulling the legal trigger she snapped to and got the money to me in prompt payments. She knew I would take her car.

It's nothing personal... we all wish friends would be great and noble, but sometimes they aren't. I've had other friends borrow money from me and NEVER had a problem with return payment.

Good luck to ya.

Oh, BTW.. you've got a PM.

 

[Vector]

Yeah, that's pretty much what I expected to hear. I was hoping someone would have an un-thought-of idea.
I am going to chalk it up to a life lesson and kiss the money goodbye as he is a good friend.
Man, that was the money I was going to use to start a kit car project, too.
Really, I have myself to blame, because I very much have the philosophy to never lend money or go into business with friends for all of the common reasons - I tend to be a stickler as well.
Thanks people...

 

[Gary Wells]

"Neither a lender or a borrower be"
"Give no quater and take none"
"Never lend nor borrow money, nor discuss politics or religion, with a friend or a relative"

If the person regarded your friendship as much as you regarded his he might have thought of his responsibility and drawbacks of
what might arise if things didn't work out.

 

[88 CuttyClassic]

if my best friend asked me for money and i have it i'd give it to him and not want it back. So that being the case, i never lend money, i only give it away. If my boy talks about money he never asks for some, i just know if he really needs it and i offer it. In a friendship i never think about things being even or all debts settled. If you know the money you give someone is gonna bring them enjoyment, thats your return, not the money back. Enjoy your money!

 

[Vector]

Wells and Cutty, very well put.

 

[Vector]

Hey gn85, I checked user CP and no new Private Messages...

 

[ChrisCairns]

The money is much more important.

(With it you can buy some more friends.)

 

[Rogue Leader]

I dont loan friends money... period...

Its a disaster waiting to happen... However if one of my close friends needs $100 or something I have no problem forking it over... and I dont expect to be paid back either....

 

[salvageV6]

Dude get all your mutual friends together and go collect it.

No way he can offer that many excuses and not look like an idiot.

If he doesn't have it or offer it, he will lose all his friends.

Then again anyone who wouldn't repay or make payments or deadlines and stick to them probably doesn't care if he loses all the mutual friends as well.

Sounds like you don't see this person enough to "remind" them about the debt.

Another good tactic is you need the money so your mother can get a much needed operation.

How about posting what the excuses for non-payment are?

I have a good friend I've lent $15K to when he bought his house to look like he had more money in the bank. Got it back with some interest and a good (free) meal too.

Lent my brother $3K for the same deal in the 1970's and it took me 5 times of asking him, over about 6 months.

Finally, I had to shame him into writing the check out during a family gathering.

You should have a gut feeling on whom you lend money to.

 

[Little6pack]

MY own brother owed me $600- from a heated craps games we 20 year olds played back in the early 80's.

Never paid me.. in 1989 he had a car for sale I told him I would buy it, He signed title over to me & I said remember that $600.
We are now even

I would ask your SO CALLED friends to pay you back in TOOLS or Items they might own like a baseball card collection.

Recouping something is better than ZERO

 

[Gary Wells]

I realize that friendship is a very valued thing, and now I know why I am pretty much of a loner. However, I must stand by and on my convictions. I have a hard time looking at a "friend" that owes me any thing. On the flip side, I don't like to even borrow a buck at work when I don't have change. I do not like to owe anybody anything. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it is my guess that the friendship will not last long. I don't want to add a downside to all of this after what you have been through regarding this, but you had better hope that the friends that know that he did not pay you back do not start tapping on you for money.
I do not envy you in this situation, and you are a better man than I for forgiving/forgetting his debt.

 

[striker_29]

Originally posted by 88 CuttyClassic
if my best friend asked me for money and i have it i'd give it to him and not want it back. So that being the case, i never lend money, i only give it away. If my boy talks about money he never asks for some, i just know if he really needs it and i offer it. In a friendship i never think about things being even or all debts settled. If you know the money you give someone is gonna bring them enjoyment, thats your return, not the money back. Enjoy your money!

Ding Ding Ding...We have a winner!!! Cutty got it dead on right! As you have found out the hard way, loaning friends money is a disaster waiting to happen. 30 bucks or something is one thing, but in general its a BAD idea. If you can afford it, give it to them with no strings attached, but never expect it back. Helping others in need is very noble, but it's not something you want to jeapordize a relationship over.

 

[salvageV6]

Give your money away? To friends?

I'd rather go down and give it to the beggars at least they don't lie much and say they will pay it back.

I agree with Wells the friendship is doomed, get the money and be the bad guy because you "hassled" him over it.

Anyone expecting to make/take loans and then get free money is NO FRIEND and IS worth losing unless they come up with a decent excuse and offer to pay it back somehow to your satisfaction.

If anyone can't assume that responsibility what kind of friend can they possibly be?

I don't borrow money without being able to or wanting to immediately pay it back or knowing where the money is coming from to do so. Otherwise it's stealing.

Relatives may be an exception but you should always make them feel like crap for taking your money, especially if it's to buy a TV or furniture or a car down payment etc.

Not sure what the deal was about with all the money either?

Certainly you don't loan that kind of money without knowing how it is going to be paid back like an IRS refund or inheritance or selling a car or from a job.

I even did that with my brother which of course didn't work but I felt better when I gave it to him.

It would be very bad to hand anyone over $100 without knowing exactly how and when they could get the money back to you. Unless you knew they were rich.

More details on how all this happened is in order I believe.

Sorry for being a responsible type.

Lastly there are good excuses for sure of forgiving the debt but with no facts on what happened I'd rather think of collecting it first.